I liked the last two stanzas. Nice poem.
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140,602 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I love it. For some reason I get the picture of an old map, you know, parchment type stuff and everything. And mountains. And snow. And windows.
I'm weird.
I wrote it as an espression of angst and regret. How you percieve it is your own business.
I think it's a bit ironic that you're writing poetry about being older and wiser, Incan, but whatev.
I don't like the use of the word "blooded" there. If the rest of the piece had an archaic feel, it would be fine. But as it stands now you have a misfit term.
However, the second stanza is wonderful. Actually I don't really know why I like reviewing your work so much; maybe I just want to catch you being less than perfect? It's not as if you'll take my suggestions anyway. Oh well you can't really stop me, can you?
It sort of had a kind of provacative sense to it which made it exciting.
I love the metaphors...I think those a called metaphors...anyway, the way you connected the middle stanza was righteous. The rest was good, but that really stuck out.
"from every bed I lie in, I tack due south
back-winded toward a man I left"
And I loved that part even though I have no idea what it meant.