Young Writers Society

Unlike what the previous reviewer seems to believe, the poem is not in iambic pentameter. I mean... the second foot is inverted... and there are several lines that have more than five feet. Don't get me wrong, variations are okay, but here there is no design. Sorry I just didn't want you to have the illusion that you'd written a perfectly structured sonnet.

That said, writing in meter is desperately tricky and I don't feel as though I have any business attempting it.

Your rhyme scheme, however, is intact and I thought your rhymes were pretty decent: none of them seemed particularly forced which was nice.

I generally like poems about running I think, but I'd take a closer look at your word choice in general, the previous reviewer had some good ideas about that.

best,

Hey Emmylove.
So first of, congratulations on staying by the iambic pentameter. Your poem is structured like a Shakespearean Sonnet, so paragraphing it like this would make it a little more clear.

Pounding the pavement, it is quite the treat
Her legs getting stronger, as one can tell
Rhythmic breathing keeps her rhythmic heartbeat
“Boys do not shower!” she hears her coach yell

Everyone there is chatting and chitting
She lags behind while they trot along
Having a ball on the road they are hitting
Being speed demons like nothing is wrong

Pounding the pavement… wait, what is this?
Pain takes over as she looks to the skies
This will not leave her with merely a kiss
More than a mile is her knees’ great demise

No longer rhythmic, her breathing is hard
Feeling as though she can’t go one more yard

Everyone there is chatting and chitting