Have you ever heard of falling in love by destiny? Well, I fell in love with Destiny. It’s kind of crazy, but this girl has earned her way to my heart. Her big beautiful eyes made me melt, her smile lit up the dark catacombs of my heart. She’s so innocent and pure, from the moment I held her in my arms; I knew I had to have her. I crave her, every little bit of her. I was never one to believe in love at first sight, but this girl changed my perspective on that. When my phone lights up and I see her name on it, my heart races and I just can't wait to open it up and talk to her. I don't know how else to describe Destiny, other than she's perfection. Maybe not in her eyes she's not, but in my eyes, she is a goddess. She is my safe haven. She is what makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. She taught me that forgiveness is such a simple word but it's so hard to do when you've been hurt. That is her favorite quote. I admire her so much, her beauty overcomes this world. Her eyes unravel a whole new galaxy to me. I could only imagine what her lips feel like, I picture they feel like silk. 100% silk, pressed up against mine it would be like static electricity coursing through my body. I honestly want to spend every minute of the rest of my life with her. I cannot lose this woman, I'll never let go of her. Not even if she's the biggest princess in the world, I will be by her side till the day I die. Always.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I really liked the first two lines. It was cute. Not that it wasn't good overall, but that was definitely my favorite part.
Hey there emilyscottyoo. Just lizzy stopping by for a quick review. Welcome to YWS. Now let the reviewing begin.
-Length: I always like to start with length just to get that annoying little subject out of the way. There is a problem I sometimes find with short stories and very short poems. The main idea is not properly supported and as soon as it does the story/poems stops. Overall in this category I would say that enough information was given. I would recommend splitting up this big paragraph into two. It just seems a bit long.
-Content: Alright, now onto the content of the story. One thing that I would like to say is that this may be better as a poem. The feel and the descriptions of it do not seem to fit a short story. I am not quite sure how this would changed into a poem. I did like the storyline of this short and it does expand thoughts a bit.
-Grammar and spelling: No matter how much I like to talk about the content, I still have to get on with this review and get to grammar. I did not see any errors for the category. Good job!
Nice short story.
Happy Holidays!
-lizzy
*If there are any spelling or grammar mistakes in this review please notify me.
Welcome to the site! ^^ Even though I barely think about destiny and even when I'm miles away from love related issues, I must admit I liked your writing. There's some good vibe in it! The narrator is honest and the description style is praiseworthy. Though few lines were bit odd to me, like this one,
Love isn't always about getting something, right? ^^ All in all, great work! Keep writing!
t is a good piece of writing. Being a novel/narrative writer, this isn't the type of writing I read often. I am a child. But, the sentence structure and use of vocabulary was great. Just be sure to edit your work and re-read as there were a few grammar mistakes. Other than that, it is amazing.
Sorry new user here, this was meant to be a review.