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angel

by emilyhaller23


have you ever seen an angel?

skin soft,
lips
just slightly parted,
plump red cherries caught in a frost.
eyes, drawn half closed
semisweet morsels,
left just too long in the sun.
half melted,
drizzled lightly over strawberry cheeks.
chocolate covered strawberries;
sweet
and cold.

have you ever met an angel?
voiceless,
gazelessly staring
up at you-
through you-
caramel
spilling lazily over the lip of his container
pouring out
at me,,
past me,
heading home.
back,
to warmth.
melting,
back
to where he belongs.
beyond me,
beyond the stars.

here is no place for an angel,
my world has no room for his wings.
he is clipped
caged
bound to the confines of his own mind.
caught
between four doorless walls
in a space devoid of light

this is no place for an angel
no wind beneath his martyred wings
lost,
in the name of greater good.
cast from his roost to bring salvation
thrown down to earth
discarded by the heavens,
unrecognized below
as someone.
no one.
the one.

once, i met an angel
with caramel skin
and chocolate eyes.
strawberry cheeks,
and cherry lips.
so sweet
too sweet for such a bitter world.
my angel came to me,,
and said
"be courageous.
do not be terrified,
for the lord
your god
goes with you"

his god,
he said,
sent him to me.
to us,
the sinners.

he sent me an angel,
sweet like caramel,
melted slightly by the summer sun
into soft.
with eyes of melted chocolate,
drizzled lightly over strawberry cheeks.
so i took my angel in my arms,

i must've held too tight.






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User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 228
Reviews: 5

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:18 pm
StudentAH wrote a review...



As someone who is a secret hopeless romantic, particularly interested in love and tragic relationships, all I can see this as is a metaphor for a relationship that didn't work out.

He was an angel on the outside, beautiful but troubled (hence the fact that he is melting in the sunlight -- almost as if to say he can survive in the world he was brought into, but he is melting because life is ever so slowly cracking away at his soul), but as you got to know him more, he was too good for you but also possibly a devil in some ways himself. However, it seems you place more emphasis on the idea that you don't deserve him, painting yourself as a sinner and him as a godsend. Very interesting.

In the end, you broke apart because you fell for him too hard when he "didn't belong" in your world, yet you are thankful to God for giving him to you even if it didn't last.

This is just my interpretation of the poem. :P

As for the grammar, it seems EverLight has got you covered. However, I do believe you meant gazelessly, as in somehow he has a gaze but he isn't really looking at you.

Overall, a good read, and the intensity around the middle threw me for a loop (when he was cast out from heaven). Very interesting!




User avatar
180 Reviews


Points: 1093
Reviews: 180

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 1:24 pm
EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review. This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned- you may feel offended anyway.
First Impression
Okay...what is this really about? I don't think it's about food, I don't think it's about real angels...I think it's about something else. Your last line kind of confirms that.
Nitpicks & Grammar
First of all, watch your capitals. i should be I, and all sentences should be capitalized as well.

Okay, that over with, you do have a spelling error here-

have you ever met an angel?
voiceless,
gazelessly staring
up at you-

grazelessly isn't a word. That's meant to be spelled gracelessly.
Secant you have one to many commas right here-
pouring out
at me,,

there only needs to be one comma, like this-
pouring out at me,


And again, you have to many commas right here-
too sweet for such a bitter world.
my angel came to me,,

that secant comma should be removed.

Other then that you did fine as far as nitpicks go.
Style & Meaning
When I was reading this I sort of got lost. What is the meaning of this poem? Because on one stanza you write about ''food'' Angels, then on another you write about real angels...then you switch between them. I think you should clarify what your poem means.

As far as style you repeat descriptions twice. In this line you use caramel, cherry and semisweet to describe your Angel
plump red cherries caught in a frost.
eyes, drawn half closed
semisweet morsels,
left just too long in the sun.
half melted,
drizzled lightly over strawberry cheeks.
chocolate covered strawberries;
sweet
and cold.

have you ever met an angel?
voiceless,
gazelessly staring
up at you-
through you-
caramel
spilling lazily over the lip of his container
pouring out
at me,,
past me,
heading home.
back,
to warmth.
melting,
back
to where he belongs.
beyond me,
beyond the stars.


And you practically use the same description here-

once, i met an angel
with caramel skin
and chocolate eyes.
strawberry cheeks,
and cherry lips.
so sweet
too sweet for such a bitter world.
my angel came to me,,
and said
"be courageous.
do not be terrified,
for the lord
your god
goes with you"


Now, I know poets sometimes repeat descriptions, or stanzas (I think cherry is the theme of your poem XD) but I believe I little more variety in youcoud r description be appreciated, so you don't sound monotonous. Other then that you did fine.
EverLight Out




User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 337
Reviews: 19

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 12:08 pm
EmileeBrightman wrote a review...



Hello! Em here to do a review on your lovely poem!

I'd like to say that the title caught me first. Usually, titles have more than one word, so this interested me even more to read it. Now, I don't read poetry too often, because I'm more into stories with dialogue and lots of interaction between characters, but I wanted to see what this was about. And, this was excellent! I don't think I've really read any type of poetry before that I just really liked before this. The way you used details to describe everything better worked great.

Now, as I've told many people, I'm not really one for giving out criticism, so I'm terribly sorry if you were looking for that! As I said above, I really enjoyed this piece, and I'm happy to find a piece of poetry that I enjoy. I hope that you continue to write more works, because I'll definitely be sure to check them out. Keep up the great work, and Em out! :)





Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman