I've been to the place where the West wind blows,
Where wide rivers flow with great vim.
I've seen the sun set on immense oceans blue,
The sky painting colors of whim.
I've visited deserts filled with endless brown sand,
Where bleak, cheerless tumbleweeds thrive.
I've wandered through many unoccupied trails,
Yearning for something alive.
I've hiked mighty mountains capped with heavy white snow,
Dangerous and prone to collapse.
I've felt so unsure crossing bleak frozen lakes,
Fearing my life, I've been trapped.
I live in a time marked by worries and fears,
It's escape I have yet come to know,
But I know of a place where all happiness dwells,
The place where the West wind blows.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thanks! I'll keep that in mind for next time. This is really my first attempt at rhyming poetry and I agree that it got in the way. Thanks for the advice!
Hello there Emanemc! I'm Gsp, and I'll be your reviewer today!
I did notice one or two things, though. The rhymes seem slightly forced, and I think this poem might be better if it didn't rhyme. (Up until a couple of weeks ago I thought that poems had to rhyme, but evidently I'm wrong).
This is a really nice poem, I like it.
But really, other than that small note, this is a great poem, and I wouldn't change anything else about it.
Keep up the good work!
~Gsp.
Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm new to the yws and wasn't sure what to expect from my first submission but your words really gave me confidence. I took your advice by erasing my description and I totally agree that it's much better without it. Thanks again!
Hello! I really like this poem. I just really like your vocabulary and the imagery in the poem. Your vocabulary is just so intricate and the imagery is just so detailed. For example,
I've been to the place where the West wind blows,
Where wide rivers flow with great vim.
I've seen the sun set on immense oceans blue,
The sky painting colors of whim.
This verse is one of my favorites. This just shows your intricate vocabulary and the detailed imagery. Another example is
I've visited deserts filled with endless brown sand,
Where bleak, cheerless tumbleweeds thrive.
I've wandered through many unoccupied trails,
Yearning for something alive.
This is another one of my favorites. I applaud you for your use of end-rhymes and partial-rhymes, such as "thrive" and "alive" as the end-rhymes and "blows" and "blue" as the partial rhymes. So far, you have a knack of writing poetry with a complex vocabulary, detailed imagery, and a knowledge of end-rhymes and partial-rhymes.
However, I noticed you gave a description of your poem. In my opinion, I think you shouldn't put a description of your poem because the reader might find it more interesting to just figure out what the poem is about, rather than already knowing what the poem is about. Though, I do like the message in the poem, which is, as you wrote, "finding peace and happiness amidst adversity." A very unique message and one I haven't seen, so far, in other poems. Overall, your poem is just splendid! I urge you to keep writing poems.