A heavy crown sits on my head
Like a boulder in Atlas’ shoulder
And blood flows from my throne
For all the dreams I have to surrender
.
I’d rather be bleeding on a page
Than be pricked from a crown of thorns
To burn like Icarus flying too close to the sun
And crash on waves till I’m torn
.
Yet I’m stuck drowning in a sea
Flooded by endless duty
Born with so much responsibilities
And the burden of my identity
.
Oh how I would give up everything
For a chance to run away
From the existence that was shoved in my arms
And towards the life that I crave
.
I want to dance under the moonlight
And sing till my voice is hoarse
I want to be driven to madness
To live my life with no remorse
.
Attention might be a drug
And my pride is as big as the ocean
And this may be the only life I’ve ever known
But it’s not one that I’ve chosen
.
So let me be a poet, I beg you
I do not want to be a king
There is a heart inside my ribs
And I refuse to let it stop beating
.
I don’t want the world in my hands
Please let me feel alive
Let my soul be obsessive and alluring
I don’t want to simply survive
.
But who am I kidding, it will never come to be
For a King cannot refuse his birthright
Despite the urge to be something more
It's a destiny I could never fight
.
So here I sit on my jagged throne
Daydreaming of a life I could have
If only the chains were a little loose
If only I am brave enough
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This poem was an interesting and thought-provoking exploration of the sometimes overwhelming and conflicting feelings of responsibility and autonomy. The words chosen to portray the speaker’s emotions were vivid and evocative, creating a strong sense of tension between the speaker’s desire to be free and their duty to remain loyal to their given role. The imagery of the ‘heavy crown’ and the ‘burden of identity’ gives the poem a sense of weight, reflecting the pressure of the speaker’s situation.
The lyrical structure of the poem is also effective in conveying the speaker’s message. The repetition of words like ‘be’, ‘burden’ and ‘burn’ give the poem a steady rhythm and help to emphasize the idea of a struggle between two competing forces. The use of metaphors, such as the comparison of the speaker’s crown to a boulder on Atlas’ shoulder, add a sense of grandiosity to the poem and help to reinforce the idea of the speaker’s heavy burden.
The only thing I disliked about this poem was the use of overly-dramatic language. While this can be effective in conveying strong emotions, such as the speaker’s sense of being overwhelmed, I felt that some of the phrases were a little too exaggerated. This detracted from the overall impact of the poem and made it feel a little contrived at times.
Overall, this poem is a powerful and emotive exploration of the conflict between the speaker’s desire to be free and their duty to remain loyal. The vivid imagery and lyrical structure help to give the poem a sense of depth and weight, making it a compelling and memorable read.
Thank you for this thoughtful review and for the honest critique, I'll be sure to keep it in mind!
Hi! Thank you for loving the poem!
Oh my gosh. This poem spoke directly to me. It's really incredible, you did such an amazing job writing it, and putting feeling and heart into it. I love how you create the notion that 'you' want to fail, to be allowed to make mistakes, but the huge amount responsibility you have stops you from being able to do so, for the safety of the people in your 'kingdom'. I hope, if this is inspired by your real life, that you find the bravery and freedom to make mistakes and create the life you want to live.
I'm really glad for your comment, thank you. And there's kind of a connection with this poem and how I'm feeling with my life sometimes so thanks for the encouragement!