z

Young Writers Society



***Orion***

by elin










PROLOGUE









My name is Orion Adams, I’m sixteen, and eight years ago, my parents were killed by an outcast; a person who was cast aside because they developed a kind of mega-gene which allows them to possess superpowers. No one knows how their genes change, all I know is that it turned both me and my friend, Ash, into orphans. Ash Evans is a sixteen year old girl with short black hair and mysterious, light gray eyes. An outcast didn’t kill Ash’s family, but her parents genes got altered and they were forced into hiding by the government. If the government finds an outcast, they will take them to a secure facility and experiment on them, in cruel and horrible ways.

My life has been pretty much ordinary since the outcasts began popping up, and my parents were murdered. A life of waking up, going to school, coming home, and hiding. A life where everyone lives in fear of being shot, or even killed every moment of their lives. A world where rival gangs are fighting every minute of the day and you always have to worry about getting struck in the crossfire. I’ve been lucky over the years, having only been shot five times in my life.

After I was orphaned, I did what I had to do to get by, I fell into a pretty bad crowd. During a territorial war I got hurt really bad and blacked out, I would’ve died if it hadn’t been for Ash. She found me after the fight and brought me into her “home”, which is one of the classrooms in an old, abandoned school. It was homely, so I found myself spending more and more time there. Eventually, I decided to stay, and make the school my "home". I chose one of the classrooms and settled down. Since then, my life has been fairly simple. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, hang out with Ash, go home, go to sleep.

My life was simple, I didn't really care about anything. That is, until I met her…





























CHAPTER 1









I heard banging on the windows. I shot up, immediately alert. “Wake up, Orion!” I breathed a sigh of relief and settled back down. It was only Ash, trying to wake me up for school. I sank deeper into my blankets, trying to drown out the sound of her voice. Maybe she’d just give up and go away.

Has that ever worked in the past? I thought to myself. The answer was no. Ash was a good friend, but persistent and stubborn. When she found something she wanted, she would stop at nothing until she got it, and that includes waking me up. I got up, feeling groggy. I threw on a plain blue shirt and some torn-up jeans. I then opened the blinds, revealing Ash, all ready for school. She held a plain bagel in one hand, and a bottle of water in the other. Her beaten up messenger bag was slung carelessly over one shoulder.

“Hurry up!” called Ash through the glass, “We’re going to be late!”

“We are not going to be late!” I said, “Wait, what time is it?”

“Past eight.” said Ash, looking annoyed.

“We are going to be late.” I said, followed by a swear under my breath. I snatched my bag as I ran out of the classroom, grabbing the bagel and water out of Ash’s hands.

“Hey!” she exclaimed.

“What?” I yelled, looking back at Ash as I took a giant bite of the bagel, “Don’t try and pretend you didn’t get these for me! I’m almost certain you already ate breakfast!”

She smiled, “You know me too well.” Then ran after me, quickly catching up. We took our secret passage to school. It was longer, but much, much safer. Either way, I didn’t really care if I was late to school. No one was going to lecture me about living up to my full potential. I’d just get whipped for five minutes, and since I’d been late so many times, I’ve pretty much developed an immunity to whipping. Sure, it hurts, but it’s better than taking the shorter, more dangerous route and ending up with a bullet in your brain.

I got to school and took a seat on the hard, concrete floor. The schools were basically giant, concrete, hollowed out cubes. The best classrooms had rugs, chairs, and desks, but those were only reserved for the smartest and wealthiest students. The room I was sitting in was a large room with four concrete walls, a concrete ceiling, and a concrete floor. There was the occasional window, and you were lucky if you got a space near the malfunctioning heater. High school went like this; you got there on time, or you didn’t go at all. School wasn’t that big a deal, you could decide to show up, or not. But if you didn’t, nobody would care. Teachers didn’t take attendance, they taught what they were instructed, and we listened. I thought it was kind of ironic that Ash and I lived in a school, and we went to school in a bunker. All the students were spread out on the cold, hard floor. Some were sitting, others were kneeling, most of the people in the back were standing.

I normally sit in the back. I only go to school because Ash thinks it’s good for me, but I hardly pay attention; for me, school is the best time to think. I just sit there, occasionally tuning in when they’re talking about something interesting, but what I generally do is think. I think about random things, and sometimes I observe the people in the room. I watch how they react to things, whether they pay attention or not, and what they can get away with without the teacher noticing.

With my spare time, I came up with categories and fit each person into a certain category. There were the pops, the popular people, they were the people in the class with the largest social circles. Then there were the smarts, the smartest people in the class; the people who actually want to learn and do well. That category includes Ash, who was one of the smartest people in the class. Next, there were the slacks, the people who just slack off. There are people who are both slacks and smarts, they’re the people who are just naturally smart, who can slack off and still manage not to get whipped. There were also the funnies, they were like the class clowns, who just goof off. Finally, there were the others. They were the people who are just plain average. Some friends, some smarts, kind of doesn’t want to be at school, and kind of funny. But, they’re the nicest of the lot. That’s where I fit in.

There are no bullies in school, they either get kicked out and join a gang, or they get whipped until they beg and swear they’ll never do whatever it is they did again.

My daydreaming was interrupted by a voice, “Mr. Adams, do you have the answer?”

The answer to what? Shoot! I should’ve been paying attention. I cursed softly under my breath.

“So…” asked my teacher, Ms. Armstrong, impatiently.

I opened my mouth to come up with an excuse, when a voice spoke up from behind me, “The answer is Wyoming, in seventeen-seventy-six.”

The sound flowed so naturally. A soft, kind voice; like an angel. I turned around to see a girl I had never seen before. But as soon as I saw her, something swept over me, like a wave of warmth, happiness, and awe. She was beautiful, like a newly blossomed rose. Her glamorous auburn hair reached elegantly down to her elbows, and her brilliant blue eyes sparkled like diamonds in the sun. When she caught me staring at her, all she did was smile back; a sweet, but simple smile.

“That is correct!” said Ms. Armstrong, surprised, “And who might you be young lady?”

“My name is Artemis. Artemis Moore. This is my first day here.” She blushed prettily.

“Well, Ms. Moore. How do you know this?”

She hesitated, then said, “My parents taught me. But they’re gone now.”

There was silence. There was a waver in her voice, almost as if she was lying. But what would the benefit be of lying about something like that? She was either lying, or there was more to what she was saying than she led on. Either way, I owe her my thanks for saving my tail. I waited until school was over, paying attention the entire time, just in case Ms. Armstrong decided to catch me off guard with another sneak attack; which she did, by the way, several times. It was kind of embarrassing to not be as smart as some people, but, then again, it’s also slightly embarrassing to be smarter than others. It’s a conundrum.

Once we were dismissed, I looked around for Artemis, and spotted her near the back of the wave of people that were trying to leave. I waited for her at the opening that was supposed to have a door, but because of very extreme budget cuts, there wasn’t one. Eventually, she came out, and I slid my way in between her and another person.

“Hi, Artemis.” I said, in a friendly tone.

“Oh,” said Artemis shyly, “Hi.”

Wow, great start… I thought, I really need to work on my introductions.

“Um…” I said, awkwardly, “My name’s Orion Adams. Thanks for saving me back there.”

“Where?”

“That question in class.” I said, “When Ms. Armstrong called on me and I didn’t know the answer.”

“Oh yeah, that. No problem. But, for the record, she did say the answer just moments before asking the question. I think you were just zoning out.”

I could feel my face getting red, “Yeah, you got me there.”

She smiled, “I figured out a trick. Tune in with one ear, tune out with the other. Another way to pretend that you’re listening is to answer a question when another student doesn’t know the answer, that way, the teacher’s less likely to call on you later.”

She was right, after she had answered my question, Ms. Armstrong didn’t call on her for the rest of the class, but I got called on numerous times.

“That’s actually really smart.” I said honestly. She smiled, without looking at me. “Um… Where are you going? You know, right now?”

She pondered this question for a moment, then she finally answered, “Nowhere, really. I don’t really have anywhere to go. I just move around to where ever’s safe.”

“You can come with me!” I said, a little too enthusiastically.

“Really?” she asked, “But, you just met me.”

“Well, my friend and I are currently living in an abandoned school. No one can get in and steal stuff or attack us because it’s surrounded by a concrete wall that only has one door. The door is hidden between two buildings too, so it’s super secure. We each live in a separate classroom. The school has a kitchen and big open areas too. The classrooms also have functioning heaters and carpets. They also have curtains and lots of drawers. It’s also roach and rat free, after we sprayed the premises a few years ago. We also have extra mattresses, blankets, pillows, and food.”

She thought for a moment, then said, “Have you asked your friend about all of this? Are they okay with me staying with you guys?”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine with it.” I said, without really thinking.

There was a moment of silence, then, “Okay, I’ll come over later tonight. I just need to go get my stuff, then I’ll come over and stay with you two until I find somewhere else.”

“Sounds good.” I said, smiling.

Or you could stay forever. I thought.

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I agreed to meet her at a certain location at six, so I could bring her to the school. I hurried home, just about ready to burst with excitement.















CHAPTER 2









“What took you so long?” questioned Ash, who was waiting for me outside my room.

“Oh yeah, about that… I kind of told Artemis that she could stay here, in one of the empty classrooms for a while.”

“No!” shouted Ash, with such conviction that I actually took a step back. “I mean… this is our special home. You can’t just invite people, especially people you just met, into our home without my permission.”

“But she’s an orphan too,” I protested, “just like us. And I owe her for saving my arm. She just needs somewhere to crash for a while.”

Ash rolled her eyes, “What do you mean when you said that she saved your arm?”

I rolled up my left sleeve to reveal hundreds of scars scattered across my arm, caused by Ms. Armstrong whipping me whenever I answered a question wrong, was late, or whenever I disobeyed her; and let me tell you, that happened a lot.

“That’s what I mean when I say, she saved my arm.”

“Why have you never told me about those?” asked Ash, deeply concerned.

I shrugged, “You always wanted to know why I was late back home; well, here’s your answer.”

Ash thought on this for a while, then defiantly said, “Fine, she can sleep in room five. But, she has to do her fair share of chores, and she has to follow our daily routine.”

“Okay.” I said, “I’m sure she’ll be fine with that.”

She turned her back to me and walked away. I watched her storm off into her room and close the blinds. Well that didn’t go as well as I had anticipated, but at least I got her to say yes.

I went into my room and found the lunch that Ash left for me. A cup of chicken noodle soup, an apple, a bottle of orange juice, and a homemade brownie. Of course, I had never given Ash a key to my room, but that didn’t stop her. After all, she had bobby pins and paper clips. I walked over to the lunch and found the daily note attached to it. It was a folded index card with a big, bold seven on the front. I opened the index card. Inside, there were two simple words in Ash’s incredibly messy scrawl. They read, “New Record”. I rolled my eyes, crumpled up the note card, and with a single lazy shot, tossed it into the trash.

Seven seconds. That’s the time it took her to pick the lock on my door. Ash wrote a note like this everyday. A single word or number on front, and inside, a few words to go with the front. My lunch was resting on a lousy, wooden desk, with index cards on it, facing the old television. Leaning against it was a fragile, miniature chair. I plopped down in the chair, hearing it creak under my weight, and switched on the TV. I clicked through the channels until I found the channel that had reruns of very old cartoons. Out of the seven television channels this TV could access, this was the only good channel. Three of the seven channels were news, one was weather, one just showed reruns of old movies that were only rated two stars, one showed reruns of nature documentaries, one of them only showed advertisements the entire time, and one was, as I called it, “Rainbow Static”.

I spent the rest of the afternoon watching TV and nibbling at my lunch until it was five. Then I flicked the off switch and went to clean my dishes. All of the furniture, including the dishes, were taken from Ash’s previous home, she had taking everything she could possibly carry. She took it all, everything except for pictures and some personal treasures, deciding that pictures would just open up old wounds.

After I had finished all of my “assigned chores” I went to go tell Ash I was leaving, so I went to her room and knocked on the door. “Hey Ash,” I called, “are you in there?” I jiggled the knob, but it was locked. I muttered a curse, then said, “Come on Ash! Don’t give me the silent treatment! I hate it the most!”

“I know!” came a muffled voice from inside. Ash’s voice. I just needed to be sure that she was alright, and that she knew where I was going.

“Ash!” I yelled, making sure she could hear me through the door, “I’m going to go get Artemis! Can you make dinner tonight? I’ll make it for the next two days! I swear! Please!”

“Fine!” yelled Ash from inside.

“I’ll be back in about an hour!” I yelled back, “And if I’m not…” My voice trailed off, there would only be one reason that I wouldn’t be back in time. I’ve gotten shot before, but I made it back alive. “If I’m not… Don’t come and look for me, we both know what you’ll find.”

There was silence, we both knew that this was the most dangerous time of day. The sun was going down. Just enough light to see, but not enough light to be identified. This time of day was when the looters and gangs were most active. Before leaving, I went back into my room and grabbed my handgun, just in case.

I went out the hidden entrance and into the dim streets. Artemis and I had agreed to meet at the school that Ms. Armstrong taught at, since both of us knew where it was. I carefully made my way through the secret passage and out into the school. The sun had almost set by the time I got there. I looked around, finally spotting Artemis near a dead willow tree. I ran up to her. She was carrying an old looking suitcase and a beaten up backpack that was worn over a gray hoodie. Her jeans were torn, like most of the clothing in town.

“Let’s go.” I said, eyeing her suitcase, “We can’t take the safer route because your suitcase is too big, so we have to get there through the streets.”

“Sorry.” she said, “I was deciding whether I should bring less stuff. I could just leave my suitcase here.”

“It’s fine.” I said, quickly, “We just have to be careful. Now come on!”

I led her down an empty street. The sun had set, and we were wandering in darkness. The only light was emitting from broken vending machines and I could faintly see a fire flickering in the distance. I could hear the sound of gunfire nearby. I could practically feel the destruction. We crept down the street, with Artemis’ suitcase thumping in a rhythmic pattern as it rolled over the bumps on the road. As we neared the school, the gunfire got louder.

When we were one block away from the school, I saw them. Two gangs, both dressed in dark leather, were firing at each other. I couldn’t identify the specific number of guns through all of the gunfire, but there were a lot of them. I leaned my back against a wall and motioned Artemis to do the same. She nodded and put her back up against the wall. I peered around the corner, and cursed. There was gunfire everywhere, there was virtually no way we could get through without getting caught in the crossfire.

“Bad news.” I told Artemis, “We can’t get past.”

“We could fight.” said Artemis, almost immediately.

“But, I only have one gun.” I said, holding up the gun that I grasped tightly in my right hand.

“I brought one too.” said Artemis, unhooking a gun from her backpack. “It’s better than just waiting here forever. Besides, I can handle myself.” She winked at me, “Trust me, I’m a lot tougher than I look.”

I opened my mouth to protest, then thought of what Ash would say. “Okay.” I said, “Don’t shoot anyone unless you have to.”

I looked down at the gun in my hand. I had never fired it, and I was hoping I wouldn’t have to now. But, then again, I had never been in this type of situation before. Even when I was in a gang, I stayed on the sidelines, just trying to stay alive. I took a deep breath, then signalled to Artemis that it was time. I carefully turned the corner, keeping low. But even then, two strong looking guys came up to us. They were about two years older than us and they looked at us with cold stares. They just stood there, eyeing us, they didn’t seem to care about the gunfire and the gang war that was currently going on, they were entirely focused on us.

“What are you doing here?” asked one of them in a low, gravelly voice.

I spotted Artemis out of the corner of my eye opening her mouth to come up with an excuse. I motioned for her to stay quiet, she shut her mouth and just watched intently. I cleared my throat to speak, but instead of talking, I thrust my fist forward. I had hit him right in the gut. Artemis looked shocked, but she shook it off, and in one swift movement, thrust her backpack off and joined the fight.

“Why are we fighting them?” yelled Artemis, as she dodged a punch.

“Because,” I said, punching the same guy in the gut, “whatever our response had been, they would’ve fought anyway. It’s better to throw the first punch then to get hit by it.”

Artemis smiled, then jumped up and kicked a guy right in the face. He toppled backwards and hit the ground hard. I stood there, shocked. Where did she learn to fight like that? She ran behind the other guy and, by the chest, threw him over her. He landed in a pile behind her.

“Go!” she yelled to me. I nodded, too shocked to say anything. I ran off, I could faintly hear Artemis’ steps behind me. I looked back to make sure she was following me, and she was; backpack slung over one shoulder and suitcase thumping behind her.

I didn’t see it coming, but I felt the impact, and I felt the pain surge through my arm. I looked down, and I could see blood dripping down my shoulder. I grasped my shoulder with my other hand. The pain was excruciating!

I heard Artemis calling my name. I managed to call back to her, “I’m okay!”

She ran up to me. “You’re bleeding!” said Artemis, worried.

“I don’t have to be told that.” I said, teeth clenched, trying to keep my voice calm.

“We have to go.” said Artemis, “Can you walk?”

“Yes.” I said, “I got shot in the arm, not the leg.”

Instead of being stealthy, I flat out ran. Artemis kept up, staying at my side the entire time. I tried to focus on something other than the pain, but I couldn’t. My vision filled with spots, I was losing consciousness. I blinked them away. I had to stay awake, at least until we got to the school. If I didn’t, both Artemis and I would be dead. It was coming into view; the alley that led to the school. I turned into the alley with Artemis right on my heels.

I ran a little further into the alley in order to get away from the fighting and the gunfire. I leaned back against one of the concrete walls to catch my breath. I took my bloodied hand off my shoulder and looked down at it. The lighting wasn’t good enough to make out any detail, but I could feel the bullet still lodged in my shoulder.

“How’re you holding up?” I asked Artemis, clasping my shoulder in agony.

“Fine,” she answered, “But what about you?”

“I’ll manage. Let’s go, we’re almost there.”























CHAPTER 3









I lead Artemis to a camouflaged door at the end of the alleyway. In order to open the door, you had to punch in a four digit code which Ash learned using trial and error. I entered the password, there was a series of beeps, and the door flew open. I went in, and Artemis followed. I headed straight for Ash’s room. Chances are, she already finished dinner and went back to her room to read an already worn out book or watch TV. I would’ve shown Artemis around if it weren’t for the bullet wound.

“Ash!” I called, the door was locked and the blinds were closed, but I could see light coming from inside. “It’s Orion! Let me in!”

“Dinner’s in your room!” called Ash from inside. Obviously, she was still pouting about the Artemis thing.

“Ash, primary.”

The door opened almost immediately. Primary was our code word for, “Let me in, it’s an emergency.” Ash stood aside to let us in. I sat down on an empty chair, still clutching my shoulder.

“What happened?” asked Ash, calmly. Artemis explained what took place. “You,” said Ash, pointing at Artemis, “go to room five and make yourself at home. I already put a mattress, blanket, and pillow in there for you.”

Artemis left as Ash walked over to a cabinet and took out a first aid kit. I was upset that Artemis had to leave, but I didn’t argue; there were more important things going on. Ash opened the first aid kit and took out tweezers, some liquid medicines, cotton swabs, and bandages. From another drawer, she took out a headlight and a magnifying glass. She put the headlight on and instructed me to take my shirt off. I did as I was told. She examined my bullet wound, then picked up the tweezers.

“The bullet is lodged in there, but it didn’t hit a bone and the bullet didn’t shatter, which is good. It’s a closed wound.”

She carefully maneuvered the tweezers and removed the bullet. She threw it into the trash and picked up some medicine and some cotton swabs.

“This is going to hurt. Just… try not to think about it.”

“I’ve gotten shot before, Ash,” I said, my teeth clenched, “I know that it hurts when you do your thing.”

I shut my eyes in anguish and bit my lip, bracing myself. I felt the cotton swab touch the wound and bit my lip harder so that I wouldn’t scream. She cleaned it for about one minute, then moved onto the next treatment. Ash repeated that process for four different chemicals, and they hurt less and less. It wasn’t because of the medicine, it was because I got used to it. During my life, I had to learn how to adapt to things, and I got pretty good at it. When Ash got to the fourth treatment, I could barely feel it. The pain was there, but I got used to it so that it was only a subtle stinging sensation.

I heard her soft footsteps on the carpeted floor as she went to get the bandages. I felt her hands carefully wrapping my shoulder with the bandages. I heard a tear, then Ash said, “Done. You should go put a different shirt on, this one’s covered in blood.” She picked it up and crumpled it into a ball, and with one hand, threw it into the trash.

I thanked Ash, then went to my room and threw on a new shirt and new pants too. I tossed my dirty pants into the “dirty clothes” pile in the corner. Since neither of us knew how to sew and we didn’t have many supplies or money, Ash only had the clothes that she brought with us and I only had a minuscule amount of bought clothing, so we’d wear our clothes for two nights and two days. I clenched my shoulder, it didn’t hurt as much, but it was still incredibly sore, and if I moved it too much, a stabbing pain would shoot up my arm.

I hastily devoured my food and drank the additional bottle of water. I stepped out of my room with the intent to drop by Ash’s room, but I deduced that Ash probably wouldn’t be so happy to see me, so I decided to check in on Artemis instead. I strode down to room five and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

I walked in and closed the door behind me, but then I was stopped in my tracks. The room was so different from the other classrooms. Not that it started out different, but it was made different. I was startled by the sheer amount of personalization Artemis could do in the time of thirty minutes. On one desk sat a lamp with multicolored light bulbs that shone down on a pile of different colored notebooks and a clutter of pencils. Her mattress bed was positioned neatly near the windows under a ledge hanging off of the wall that was scattered with books and random gum packages.

There was an open cabinet revealing lots and lots of clothes. From what I could see, there were at least nine shirts, six jeans, a pair of sweats, and two other pairs of pants. There were also two pairs of tennis shoes and a box that is most likely filled with more clothes. There was also her grey hoodie, a blue track jacket, and a black leather jacket.

But the customization isn't what made me freeze. Artemis is what made me stop and stare. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed chewing a stick of gum and reading a beaten up book. Her hair was slightly wet and she was wearing a blue tank top and yellow shorts.

"Hi, Orion!" said Artemis, "I was actually hoping that I'd get to talk to you."

"You were?" I said surprised, "Why?"

"I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here for a while."

"No problem!" I said, blushing.

"I wanted to do something more than just thank you," said Artemis, handing me an envelope, "I want you and Ash to have this."

I took the envelope and opened it. "Woah..." I said, wide-eyed, "I'm sorry, but I can't accept this." Inside the envelope was a bunch of cash. One-thousand dollars, to be precise.

“No,” said Artemis flatly, “I don’t need it, I have plenty of clothes, but you guys might want to stock up on supplies, as well as clothes. Think of it this way; this money doesn’t just benefit you, it benefits me too, because you’ll probably use it to get supplies that all of us can use.”

I thought on this for a moment, the gears turning in my head. “Okay.” I finally responded, “Thank you.”

I turned, but then hesitated; debating whether I should ask how she’s such a good fighter, or about her old life. I didn’t want to pry, so I just kept on walking. I was just about to leave, but then Artemis stopped me by saying, “Ash doesn’t like me.” I closed the door and turned back around to look at her.

“Ash is just being Ash. She likes to keep her personal space, and doesn’t like being around a ton of people. Don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine.”

“You see, I think you’re wrong there. I really don’t think she likes me, and I think I know why.” I looked at her curiously. “I think Ash likes you.”

“Of course she likes me! We’ve been friends for years!”

“Not just like you,” said Artemis, “I think she has feelings toward you. Not just friendly feelings.”

I stared at her for a while until realization suddenly dawned on me. “Oh,” I said, “how can you tell?”

“It’s pretty obvious actually.” said Artemis, “I notice the signs.”

Yeah, I thought, like the signs pointing to me having a major crush on you. Have you noticed that?

“Anyway,” I said awkwardly, “I have to go, to see Ash, to, you know, show her the money. Um… bye!”

I stumbled out of the room and hurried away. I did in fact go to Ash’s room, but not just to show her the money. There’s no way Ash could like me that way, is there? I don’t believe it. She would’ve told me? Or would she? This is so complicated! Especially since I like Artemis!















































CHAPTER 4









I walked into Ash’s room, still lost in thought.

“Orion!” shouted Ash, “I thought we agreed to not go into other people’s rooms without permission!”

“Oh really,” I said skeptically, “it’s not like you break into my room all the time.”

“Anyway,” said Ash, trying to change the subject, “why are you in my room anyway, shouldn’t you be, like, sleeping?”

“I could say the same to you,” I shot back, “but I won’t. I am in here for a reason though.”

The real reason I wasn’t resting was because of the after-effects of being shot. Nightmares. Every time I’ve gotten shot was followed by terrible nightmares. Nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night, my mind racing, my heart pounding. Nightmares that were kept in my mind for months; for years.

“Well,” said Ash, “why are you here?”

“Oh, sorry. Yeah,” I held up the envelope and handed it to Ash, “Artemis gave that to me.”

Ash opened it and shook her head, “No, we can’t accept this.”

“I know!” I exclaimed, “That’s what I-”

But Ash interrupted, “We don’t need charity from a stranger.”

“What?” I did a double-take, “But, Artemis is going to be staying with us for a while. We also do need more stuff.”

“We can manage.” said Ash, stuffing the envelope back into my hands.

“Why do you hate Artemis so much?” I asked.

There was a long silence, she looked like she was mulling things over in her head. Finally, she said, “I don’t hate her.”

Really? I thought, That’s really the answer you’re giving me. It’s so obvious that you hate Artemis. What I want to know, is why?

“You do hate her.” I said, “But why? She’s so pretty, and smart, and kind, and brave…”

There was a pause. “Do you have feelings for her?” asked Ash, her voice wavering.

My face grew bright red. I guess the things I had said had definitely been a dead give-away. “Um…” I said, thinking of how to respond to this, “No?”

Ash looked down, her hair covering her eyes. When she next spoke, it sounded like she was on the verge of tears, “You do like her. And you even lied to me about it. Do what you want with the money. Give it back, go on a shopping spree. Just get out.”

“Ash…”

She looked up at me, her expression showed both anger and desperation. Her eyes were pooling up with tears of both rage and sorrow. “Get out!” shouted Ash with such conviction, I actually took a step back.

I nodded, then with one last look at Ash, I turned my back to her and slipped out the door. I put my ear to the door and could hear soft crying from the other side. I needed advice on what to do, and since Ash was the person I needed advice about, there was only one person I could talk to.

“This is going to be awkward.”

I wistfully walked over to Artemis’ room, not looking forward to what was ahead. If I did something this idiotic, Ash would lecture me until my ears begged for mercy. I knocked on the door, and instead of waiting for an answer, I just went in.

“Um…” said Artemis, who was still in the same position as before, reading the same book in the same place, “Can I help you, Orion?”

This was about one-thousand times more awkward than I had imagined. “Artemis,” I said, “I made a really, really, really, really, really-”

“I get it,” said Artemis, cutting me off, “you made an extremely…”

“Right,” I said, “I made exceptionally, exceedingly, extremely bad decision, and I could really use some words of wisdom.”

Artemis thought for a moment, then said, “Well, why not just go to Ash?"

“That’s the problem.” I said, “I made Ash extremely mad, and upset. I could use some advice on how to fix it.”

“Okay,” said Artemis, “what’s up?”

This is where it got tricky. “You’re going to have to understand some things first.”

“Like what?” asked Artemis, genuinely curious.

“Well, you were right that Ash likes me. But, the problem is that… I don’t like her. And I kind of upset her by telling her who I like.”

“Who?” asked Artemis, a hopeful look on her face.

There was silence, then I said quietly, “You.”

The expression on Artemis’ face was a mixture of happiness… and guilt.

“No.” said Artemis, surprising me, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t right. Ash likes you, but you like me. I like you Orion, I really do; and not just as a friend. But, we just met and I don’t want to drive a wedge in between you and Ash.”

“But-”

“Look,” said Artemis, “I can stay here, but I should keep my distance… from both of you. At least for a little while. I don’t want to affect your friendship.”

I just stared at her, as I felt a small piece of my heart chip off. I wouldn’t be able to be with Artemis, but at least I would get to see her, and at least she likes me back.

“Okay,” I said, forcing a smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.”

I left, closing the door quietly behind me. I walked toward my room, lost in thought. The gears in my head turning vigorously. I went into my room and sat down on my bed. I just sat there for hours; thinking. Then I heard the door creak open.

“Hi Artemis.” I said, without looking, “Can you go, I’m thinking some things through.”

“Okay,” said a voice. Not Artemis’ crystal clear voice, but another, more familiar voice. A commanding, yet comforting voice.

“Ash?” I said, looking toward the door. There, standing in the doorway, was Ash. She looked as if she’d been crying. “Hi, are you here to yell at me?”

“No.” said Ash quietly, “I just came to say that I’m sorry and… if you want to be with Artemis, that’s fine.”

“Really?” I asked, eagerly.

“Yeah,” said Ash, “Artemis came by a while ago and explained everything. I know she told you that I like you. But all I really want is for you to be happy, and if that means for you to be with Artemis, so be it! I know, it sounds cheesy or something, and I probably sound like your mom or something. But I mean it.”

“You mean it? And this won’t affect our friendship?”

She shrugged, “If a friendship can be truly broken, then the two people were never truly friends.”

“Thanks, Ash! I’m going to go talk to Artemis right now!” I said, jumping up.

“Slow down!” said Ash, “Artemis is probably already asleep, and you should go to sleep too, considering that it’s one in the morning.”

“Seriously?” I said, looking up at the clock. “Wow. Time flies.”

“Night.” said Ash smirking, turning to leave. Then, looking back over her shoulder, she said, “Oh, and don’t worry about the nightmares. They’re just in your head.”

“But… I never told you that I have nightmares.” I called after her as she was walking out the door.

She hesitated, then, without looking back, said, “You really are unobservant.”

And with that, she closed the door behind her, leaving me lost in thought. Have the signs been there all along? Have I been missing the obvious? How long has Ash felt this way? All these thoughts swimming around in my head. I flicked off the light switch.

I tossed and turned in my bed, the sunlight creeping in through the blinds and slowly illuminating the room. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out all the thoughts that were ricocheting around in my head. I would sometimes succeed, but only for a few seconds, then all of my thoughts would go flooding in. All jumbled together; memories of Ash, of my previous home, my previous friends, my previous life. But every time, the first thing that would rush into my mind, would be Artemis. Not Ash, not my old life, but her. The stunning beauty sleeping only a few rooms over. It was with these thoughts in my head that I eventually fell into a deep sleep.

I was standing in a room. A simple, blank, and hazy room with a black line spraypainted down the center. On one side stood Artemis, arms at her sides, staring at me with those beautiful eyes and smiling at me with a sweet, caring smile. She stood there, with her perfectly styled hair, wearing a tight, bright red dress with a low neckline. On the other side was Ash, arms crossed, head tilted, looking at me with an intense stare. Her short, messy hair partially covering her gray, unreadable eyes. She was wearing her usual black leather jacket, ripped jeans, and tight, black shirt. Both Ash and I try to wear black as much as we can, we aren’t emo or anything, but black is the best color to blend in and camouflage.

They were both watching me, trying to anticipate what I’d do next. It was very unsettling, all eyes were on me. The number of eyes didn’t really matter to me, what mattered was whose eyes they were. Ash and Artemis, they were both staring at me. They wanted to know what I would do next, and frankly, so did I. What was I going to do next? I took a step forward and my surrounding immediately changed. The walls turned pitch black and the center line faded away.

I looked toward Artemis, she was surrounded by a ring of fire that was closing in on her. I turned my head toward Ash, who was in a floating bubble of water. She was losing oxegen, fast. I heard a voice echoing in my head, “You can only choose one Orion. Who will it be?”

I shook my head, heart racing. I didn’t want to have to make that decision. Saving one, is like sentencing the other to death and I wouldn’t do that, I couldn’t do that.

“No,” I said, not hearing my own voice, “This can’t be happening!”

Then, and only then, did I realize… This is a dream. I squeezed my eyes shut, telling myself to wake up, that this is all a dream, that none of this is real. I shot up, I was sweating and I was breathing heavily, but I was awake. I brushed the hair out of my face with my palms.

It was all just a dream. I told myself, I don’t actually have to make that choice,

but I knew, deep down, that I already had.

















CHAPTER 5









I laid there, waiting for my heart beat to return to a steady pace. I heard footsteps walking down the hall. Artemis’ room was to the left of my room, while Ash’s was to the right. The footsteps were coming from Ash’s room. They stopped right in front of my door, probably deciding whether to go in. I heard a pivot on the rough, concrete floor, then more footsteps, trailing away from my room. I sat up and looked at the clock. Nine. I had missed the start of school. Why didn’t Ash wake me up?

I jumped out of bed, my shoulder still aching from the night before. I ran out of the room; my barefeet scraping against the sidewalk. “Ash!” I called, “Ash, are you here?”

“What?” asked Ash, harshly. She was carrying a suitcase and a backpack. In her hand, she carried a handgun.

“Where are you going?” I asked, baffled.

“Leaving.” answered Ash, plainly.

“W-W-What?” I said, “Why?”

“Because of her.” said Ash, jerking her head toward Artemis’ room.

“But… why? Last night, you said you were cool with us.”

“It’s just something people say.” said Ash, spitefully, “Nobody ever really means it. I was just being nice. But this… isn’t going to work. It’s just too complicated and too confusing.”

“Is there anything I can do to get you to stay?” I pleaded.

“Yeah,” said Ash, “Either kick Artemis out, or I’m gone.”

I was stunned, I didn’t say anything. I needed time to think this through, to process this choice that Ash gave me. It should be easy, right? But it wasn’t. It was just like my dream, but on a smaller scale. I looked down at my feet, thinking.

No, I thought, it’s exactly the same. Whoever I choose to leave will be gone.

“Uh…” I sputtered. There was another long pause as I searched my brain for an excuse to get Ash to stay and not have to kick Artemis out. I looked up at Ash, our eyes locking. We stayed like that for a long time. It probably wasn’t actually that long, but it felt like years. We just stood there, reading each others expressions.

Finally, Ash tore her eyes away, turned her back to me and walked out the door.

“Wait!” I yelled to her, “I never answered!”

“You didn’t have to!” I heard Ash call back, a slight quiver in her voice, “You’re an idiot, you know that!”

I opened my mouth to respond, then closed it again as I heard faint footsteps echoing in the distance; running footsteps. My vision blurred and tears pooled up in my eyes. I shook them off as I walked up to the door and closed it. I turned my back to the wall as the lock on the door clicked into place with a clang. I walked away, pushing Ash, and all memories of her, into the dark recesses of my mind. She was right though. Once again, I had chosen; and once again, I had chosen Artemis.

I took a deep breath, then I forced a smile. It was obviously forced, but I just couldn’t get myself to look or feel happier. I tried to will myself to believe that I had made the right choice. That Ash would come back and that everything would be okay. But life didn’t work like that, and Ash didn’t think like that. I knew she was stubborn; and I knew she wasn’t coming back. It hurt to smile, not because my muscles hurt, but because no matter what I do, I can’t make myself look different than I feel. Ash and I always had a saying, “No matter how you look on the outside, you’re eyes will show what’s on the inside.” I sighed as I walked toward Artemis’ room. I knocked.

“Yeah, come in.” answered Artemis’ flowing voice. But I couldn’t concentrate on that. All I could think about was Ash; just like how last night, all I could think about was Artemis. I opened the door and walked in.

“What’s up?” asked Artemis, not even bothering to tear her eyes away from the book she was reading.

“Ash left.” I said flatly.

“What?” said Artemis, putting her book down and looking up at me, “What do you mean she left?”

“I mean, she took her stuff and walked out the door.” My voice sounded too casual, like I didn’t care enough. I did care, a lot. But I didn’t regret my decision as much as I should have. A little part of me was happy that it was now just me and Artemis, and that little part was growing. The more time I spent with Artemis, the more I heard her voice, the part of me that missed Ash was shrinking.

“Why?” asked Artemis, looking confused, “Why did Ash leave?”

I opened my mouth to say, “It was because of me.” But the words died on my lips. Instead I just stood there, looking at Artemis. I knew that it was rude to stare, and completely inappropriate, especially now, but Artemis is just the type of girl that you notice; and once you’ve noticed her, you never want to look away.

“It was because of me.” concluded Artemis, “She left because of me.”

“No,” I lied, “It had nothing to do with you! It was all my fault.”

“You’re just being nice.” said Artemis. There was a pause, then Artemis reluctantly said, “I don’t think we should see each other for a while. You know, we shouldn’t be in the same room or anything.”

“What?” I said, taken aback, “Why? It won’t bring Ash back. She’s too stubborn, nothing can bring her back now.”

“Except me leaving.” said Artemis, quietly.

“I don’t even think that’ll bring her back now.” I said honestly, “I screwed up, badly. But I couldn’t kick you out; and you already know why.”

There was a silence as Artemis considered this. “No,” she finally said, “I’m sorry Orion, but I can’t do this. I’ll stay, but only because I have nowhere else to go.”

“Okay.” I said, surrendering. I left Artemis’ room in defeat and went back to my own room. Hours past as I sat in my room, thinking. Eventually, I got overcome by hunger so I went to get a bag of chips from the shelves in the cafeteria. Ash and I used to live on snacks from vending machines, and whatever food we could buy with money that we got from completing odd jobs. But now, with Artemis’ money, we won’t have to be hungry all the time. We weren’t starving, but we never had enough food to actually fill up our stomachs. Now we can, and Ash wasn’t there to celebrate with me.

The cafeteria was absolutely silent. I don’t know why, but I’d always been a little creeped out by quiet rooms. I grabbed a bag of chips and shuffled back into my room, fumbling with the bag as I tried to open it. I popped some chips into my mouth as I closed the door behind me and entered the room. I flicked on the TV and plopped down on my bed, hitting my injured shoulder on a desk. I winced as a sharp pain shot up my arm, it was soon replaced by a dull ache that I didn’t mind as much.

I just sat there, my eyes glued to the screen, trying to keep my mind off of Ash and Artemis. The room was slowly getting darker as the sun began to set outside. I turned off the TV and headed outside to see the sunset. Even though the time when the sun sets is the most dangerous time out on the streets, here in the school, in my home, it’s so peaceful. I looked up at the sky which was painted a vivid red, a stunning orange, and was topped off by an elegant indigo. I sighed as I watched the colored clouds traverse the sky. I looked toward Ash’s previous, and now abandoned, room, then toward Artemis’ room.

A gust of wind rustled the leaves of a giant oak tree nearby, carrying some of the leaves off in the breeze. My eyelids drooped, and I suddenly realized just how tired I was. I had barely gotten any sleep last night and if I was going to wake up in time for school tomorrow, I had to go to sleep now.

Wait? I thought, Why should I go to school tomorrow? Ash isn’t going to bug me about it. But maybe Ash will be there, and maybe I can convince her to come back.

I smiled, a genuine smile. Even though it was an extremely slim chance that I would be able to get Ash to come back, I still had a chance. Ash hardly ever missed school, only if she was sick, or, in this case, if she was “moving”, if you can even really call it that. More like running away. I walked back into my room, happy that I at least had some basic form of a plan. Go to school, then talk to Ash and convince her that she should come back. I wasn’t a details person.

My head hit the pillow hard, my eyes closed, and I soon fell into a deep, and thankfully dreamless, sleep. The next morning I woke up to a dull ache in my wounded arm, which was twisted awkwardly underneath me. I looked up at the clock. Nine. I was late! I muttered a curse as I sprang out of bed, not bothering to change. I ran out of the room, slipping my shoes on as I ran out the door.

Ordinarily if I was late to school I just wouldn’t go, but I needed to go; to see Ash. Less to convince her to come back, more to just make sure she was okay. Because even though I had made my choice, I still kind of cared about Ash. I know it sounds stupid. But getting whipped was worth making sure she was okay. I quickly ran to Artemis’ room. I knocked on her door. No answer.

I knew she was in there, so I said, “Artemis, I’m going to school to see if Ash is there. I’ll be back later.”

I didn’t wait for a response, if there was even going to be one, I just ran. I sprinted out the door and through the secret passageway. It is slower, I’ll admit. But I’d rather be alive when I go to see Ash. I’m not exaggerating about how dangerous the streets are. I wish I was, but I’m not. I ran through alleyways and dashed through buildings. When I had finally made it to class, I burst into the classroom. The class was in the middle of one of Ms. Armstrong’s boring lectures, but when I came in, the room turned silent, and all eyes were on me.

I could feel myself sweating as I scanned the room, ignoring the stares of curious and amused students. I examined every face from right to left, but I couldn’t find her. Finally, my eyes landed on Ms. Armstrong. She was looking at me with a mixture of disbelief, astonishment, and rage.

“Mr. Adams!” she exclaimed. In this class, if the teacher knew your last name it wasn’t a good thing.

“Yes, Ms. Armstrong?” I asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“How dare you just burst into my classroom. Late, if I might add.”

It took all my willpower not to roll my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said, a hint of sarcasm in my voice, “I was trying not to be late, so I was sprinting, and I couldn’t stop, so I barreled into the door and flew in.”

Ms. Armstrong rolled her eyes at this, detecting my lies. “After class. Five minutes. Back.”

I winced, that meant that I had to stay after class to get my back whipped for five minutes. If Ash were here, she wouldn’t stand for this, she would stand up for me. But she’s not here, because of me. I sighed and nodded. What else could I do?

“Good.” said Ms. Armstrong flatly.

I took a seat and Ms. Armstrong continued with her lecture. I, of course, wasn’t paying attention; my thoughts were on Ash. They were a mixture of sad and happy thoughts. But I also found myself worrying. I didn’t know why I was worried, but I was.

Why isn’t Ash here? I thought, She never misses school. Did something bad happen to her?

I eventually came to the conclusion that she was sick, although, deep down, I didn’t truly believe that. Was she avoiding me? Or did something bad actually happen? When Ms. Armstrong finally dismissed the class, everyone scurried out of the room, except for me. I reluctantly walked up to Ms. Armstrong and took my shirt off like I normally would when preparing for her to whip me on the back. I turned around.

I heard the whoosh of the whip then felt it as the cord hit my back. I winced as the whip struck again and again. Each time it hit, I felt a sudden and harsh stab of pain, then it was gone. After five minutes had passed, Ms. Armstrong directed me to leave. I put my shirt back on and walked out the door. Thankful that it was over. I took my time getting back. Artemis wouldn’t be waiting for me, and it gave me time to be alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes when I have to stay after school, I take my time going back home. It gives me time to think. I mainly think about what my life would’ve been like if “outcasts” hadn’t started appearing. I have it surprisingly well; a place to sleep, food, clothes. Sure, some people have it better, living in actual houses with an actual family. But in these alleyways and passages, it’s just me and my imagination. I fantasize about my life. What would’ve happened it an “outcast” hadn’t killed my family; or even further, if “outcasts” hadn’t started appearing. I even imagine what my life would’ve been like if I hadn’t met Ash. That’s the one question I’ve come to a conclusion with. I concluded that, without Ash, my life would’ve already ended, a long time ago.

It was with these thoughts that I neared my room, fully expecting Ash to be there waiting for me. When she wasn’t, I was confused. But then I remembered, Ash had left. I went to Ash’s room and peeked in. Hoping that she would be there, but of course, she wasn’t. Ash was stubborn like that. If she decided to leave, she was gone. I went to Artemis’ room and knocked; and just like in the morning, there was no answer.

“Artemis,” I called, “Ash wasn’t at school today.”

Still no response; I sighed, then retreated back to my room. I watched TV, made dinner, ate dinner, watched more TV, then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning, late, as usual. I followed the same routine as the day before. No Ash. The next day, I did the same thing. Still no Ash. I was beginning to panic. Day after day, I went to school; and day after day, Ash wasn’t there. Two weeks had passed. Finally, I decided that I had to go look for her; but I couldn’t alone. Each day, after I came back, I gave Artemis a status report, telling her what had happened. There was never an answer, but I knew that she was there. But this time was different. I needed her.

I walked up to her room and knocked. My heart was thumping wildly, “Artemis,” I said, “I really need your help. Ash hasn’t been at school for two weeks. She hardly ever misses school and I’m honestly freaking out. I need your help to find her.”

There was no answer. I waited. Still no answer.

Maybe she’s not going to help. I thought, But no, that’s not like Artemis. But then, why isn’t she answering. Come on, Artemis. Please.

I stood there, waiting. Eventually, I determined that she wasn’t going to help. As I turned my back to her room, I heard the creaking of a door. I spun around, and there was Artemis.

“I’m here.” said Artemis softly.

I hadn’t realized how much I had missed her voice. Not her face, but her voice. I remembered her face meticulously, each and every detail; it was the kind of face you would remember. But her voice, her sweet, soft voice.

“So,” said Artemis, slightly annoyed, “what do you want?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I need you to help me find Ash. I’m seriously worried about her. She hasn’t been at school in two weeks. Ash hardly ever misses school. I think something’s wrong.”

Artemis thought on this for a while. Then said, “Well, what do you want to do about it?”

“I want to find her.” I said.

“How?” asked Artemis.

“How?” I repeated, I hadn’t thought of that. “Um… well I guess we could ask around… or something like that.”

“Or something like that?” repeated Artemis, hands on hips. “So you came to me to ask me to help you find Ash, but have no idea where she is or how to find her.”

I blushed, then said sheepishly, “I was hoping that you could help come up with a plan.”

“Why? Why couldn’t you just come up with a plan?” questioned Artemis.

The truth is that I’m not a details person and I’m really not good at coming up with plans. But of course, I wasn’t going to admit that to Artemis, so I lied. “Because I think that both of us will be able to come up with a better plan that just one of us.”

“I guess that’s good logic.” said Artemis slowly. “Okay then, I’ll help you find Ash.”

“Tha-”

“But I’m not doing this for you,” said Artemis fiercely, “I’m doing this for Ash.”

I nodded, even though I believed that part of her was doing it for me too.















































CHAPTER 6









We spent around ten minutes coming up with a plan, or rather, trying to come up with a plan; but in the end, we settled for my previous plan. Asking around and hoping someone had seen Ash. We did, however, sprinkle in some strategy. We decided that we’d strategically choose who would ask for information based on gender. I would try to woo the girls, while Artemis will successfully enchant the boys. We carried out the plan; I wooed one out of five girls, with Artemis wooing five out of five boys. When we regrouped, we swapped notes and learned that there were only about a half a dozen places Ash could be. We split up, I would check three locations and Artemis would check two, then we would regroup in the building to the right of the school where we lived.

I soon reached my first destination, an abandoned warehouse at the edge of a forest. Artemis and I had decided that if we found her, we would not engage. After all, we were just doing this to make sure Ash was safe. The warehouse was a small concrete box with big red doors and a rusted brown roof. The top of the warehouse was lined with small windows. I looked around, surveying the area; trying to find a way to glimpse through one of the windows. Next to the warehouse stood a large oak tree, whose branches reached the windows. I grinned.

I had always been good at climbing trees, and I practiced frequently on the trees at the school. I walked up to the oak. My shoulder should have healed enough to be able to climb one measly oak tree. I hoisted myself up onto the lowest branch. I climbed up a few more yards so that I was level with the windows. I found the thickest and stablest branch and began inching my way over to the window. The tree branch snapped just as I neared the windowsill. My arms flailed in midair, searching for something to grab onto. My hands found their way to a branch, I tightened my grip as I scrambled up. I just sat there, leaning on the trunk, catching my breath; relief flooding over me.

I had only fallen a few feet, so I carefully stood up on the branch I was on and looked through the window. I couldn’t see the entire room, but I could see most of it. There were cardboard boxes scattered across the floor and stacked on top of one and other, dangerously close to toppling over. But, as far as I could tell; no Ash. I sighed as I carefully made my way down the tree. I searched my mind, trying to remember the next location. Then I remembered, the cave near the ocean. Someone said that they thought they saw someone who matched Ash’s description enter the cave.

I went to the beach, but then immediately left. There was no way Ash could be in the cave. After all, it was completely submerged underwater. I sighed. Where could she be? I continued to the next area, an old and abandoned grocery store. The automatic door that led into the store wasn’t functioning, but the glass of the door was shattered. It was either Ash, or, more likely, previous looters who went in, hoping that there was food. I stepped in, being cautious of the shattered bits of glass that scattered the floor. I looked around. The store was a maze of alleyways and shelves, none of which contained food.

It would take me forever to scour this place, it was huge; and even if I did manage to search the entire area, Ash could just not be in the same place as me. I sighed, then looked around. When I was younger, my parents used to take me shopping at grocery stores all the time, I had always had the urge to climb up on one of tall shelves and look down on everyone. Now’s my chance. I crept to the middle of the store and climbed up one of the shelves. It was actually quite easy. Each level that used to contain food was now a perfect handhold or foothold. I scaled the shelf in matter of seconds and looked around. I felt too important. I could see the entire store from up here. But I couldn’t see Ash.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I just had this irresistible urge to do it. “Hello!” I boomed, it echoed through the empty store. I smiled, bubbling with excitement. “I look down on all of you, and laugh!”

Of course, there was nobody there to look down on, but it was still fun to say. If Ash were here, she would’ve shot me strange looks, or she would’ve laughed in my face, but since she wasn’t, I could just enjoy myself. I stayed up there for another few minutes or so, shouting random things and hearing them echo through the room. Finally, my fun was over and I reluctantly climbed back down and left the grocery store, my search was over.

I sprinted to the regrouping point, trying to make up for the time I lost at the grocery store. I hope Artemis had more luck than me in tracking down Ash. I erupted into the building that Artemis and I were meeting at to see Artemis sitting on the floor, waiting.

“Hi.” I said, out of breath.

“What took you so long?” asked Artemis.

“Well… uh… hm…”

“Whatever. Did you find her?”

“No.” I said, grimacing. And since she’s the one who asked, that means that she didn’t find Ash either.

“Where could she be?” said Artemis, less to me, and more to herself.

“Well,” I said after a minute, “there’s no use in worrying about it now. The sun’s going down and we should go back home.”

“Right,” said Artemis, “but I’m kind of freaking out. I mean, if what you say is true, and she never skips school, where could she be?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, “but freaking out about it won’t help.”

I’m such a hypocrite. I thought, I’m panicking right now, to be honest. But I guess it’s true that freaking out won’t help.

“Come on,” I said, helping Artemis to her feet, “Let’s go.”

She nodded, and we snuck out the building. I punched in the keycode for the door and we went in. Artemis followed me to my room.

“Well,” she said, “bye. See you tomorrow… I guess.”

“Really?” I said, hopefully.

“Sure,” she said, “why not? Besides, you’re one of those types of people who are hard to stay mad at.”

I blushed, “Well, see you.”

She turned and walked away. I fished my room key out of my pocket and unlocked the door. I went in.

“Artemis!” I called, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. “Artemis!”

In an instant, Artemis was at my side. “What?” she asked, sensing the panic in my voice. Then she saw it too. “Oh. My. God. What do we do? Orion!”

I couldn’t answer, I was too shocked to answer. There, lying unconscious and bleeding on my bed, was Ash.


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Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:24 pm
Lava wrote a review...



Hey Elin!

Woah, this is one long chunk - like Pickled said, people prefer to read shorter chunks of the story to review.
Now, I love sci fi and I can't resist trying to read, and I'm going to base this review off of the prologue and a little bit in to chapter 1.

First thing, to me, was the idea of having only genetically "superior' people live while the others dies has been something that dystopian fic loves. And it's always fun to play with it. However, I got the sense that you didn't do much research on the genetics - as in just calling it a megagene that is super awesome, will not help your story - it seems like a weak explanation of things.

The other thing I wanted to point out was that your writing definitely got better as I was scrolling down, but do be careful of trying to over explain things. In the sense that, the reader doesn't need to know *everything* about the world you're creating as soon as you begin. Try to weave in description so that the reader can explore the atmosphere, the tension, the scene etc in the own heads. This will create a better experience for the reader and help them get to know the characters as they read.

Do PM me if you want to go over the specifics, and I'd be happy to help.

Cheers,
Lava




elin says...


Yeah, it's kind of mysterious. I'm trying to let people imagine what the world is like. Also, he'll probably learn about the megagene later, it's supposed to be mysterious. But thanks for your suggestions!



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Tue Mar 03, 2015 4:15 am
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PickledChrissy wrote a review...



Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

Well, this is pretty long. Like REALLY long. You need to post each Chapter individually. So, the prologue goes first, then you post the first Chapter, and so on. Long works discourage reviewers, which is why this is still in Green Room.

I'll tell you what, I'll review the Prologue today, and you go ahead and post the other Chapters whenever you feel like it, and give me a pm when you do. I will be reviewing whatever you post, as long as it isn't rated. Just post them one at a time, please. ;)

Okay, now I can get to the actually reviewing.

Ash Evans is a sixteen year old girl with short black hair and mysterious, light gray eyes.


You need to put more description. What kind of girl is she? Sweet, or the kind that will go for your throat if you say something wrong? What color is she? Is she dark, light, somewhere between,? Just give us a little more detail. We need to KNOW these characters.

getting struck in the crossfire.


Did you mean stuck?

having only been shot five times in my life.


Very lucky. XD ;)

After I was orphaned, I did what I had to do to get by, I fell into a pretty bad crowd. During a territorial war I got hurt really bad and blacked out, I would’ve died if it hadn’t been for Ash. She found me after the fight and brought me into her “home”, which is one of the classrooms in an old, abandoned school. It was homely, so I found myself spending more and more time there. Eventually, I decided to stay, and make the school my "home". I chose one of the classrooms and settled down. Since then, my life has been fairly simple. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, hang out with Ash, go home, go to sleep.


Okay, all the paragraphs are like this, except for a few. You need to break them up a little. Looking at this one, I can tell that it should be in two, instead of one.

After I was orphaned, I did what I had to do to get by, I fell into a pretty bad crowd. During a territorial war I got hurt really bad and blacked out, I would’ve died if it hadn’t been for Ash. She found me after the fight and brought me into her “home”, which is one of the classrooms in an old, abandoned school.

It was homely, so I found myself spending more and more time there. Eventually, I decided to stay, and make the school my "home". I chose one of the classrooms and settled down. Since then, my life has been fairly simple. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, hang out with Ash, go home, go to sleep.


See what I mean? Makes it easier to read. When I look at large blocks of text, it makes me want to click off. Just work on it.

Well, I love this work despite how I've hammered it. It is promising to be interesting. The main character is fun, and has had a terrible life. Do you know how you can tell if a author like his main character? If everything bad possible happens to him.

Well, KEEP WRITING!




elin says...


Thanks for the suggestions, I'm going to go over and break up the really long paragraphs now. And about Ash's personality, you kind of learn about her later, but I didn't really want to flat out put what her personality is. In short, she's mysterious. :)



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Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:48 am
SilverVixen says...



Lovely story line! I would love to read more, I couldn't look away from the screen. I am hooked I believe... *Sits quietly in corner, stalking.*




elin says...


Thanks, that means a lot to me!



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Fri Feb 27, 2015 10:05 pm
swax says...



this sounds really good! :)




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Points: 282
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Fri Feb 27, 2015 10:05 pm
swax says...



this sounds really good! :)




elin says...


Thanks!




But even the worst decisions we make don't necessarily remove us from the circle of humanity.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore