Yesssss <3
This is better. I like this.
So I glanced over Penguin's review because I saw she'd reviewed your last one I reviewed too, and apparently there's a lack of clarity in what this is about to some people? Because of that I'm going to tell you what I think it is about and I will share where I got this information from.
I think it's about the individual's mind and, well, soul. I think the last line sort of spells it out for us about what you're trying to say. Red, visually, is a color that often represents passion and not just the love sort of passion, but also passion for things, such as rage, which is passionately angry about something. I think the red house sort of indicates the emotions and the strength of those emotions which binds up our soul by creating a buffer between what our brain wants us to do and what our souls decide to do in the end. When we're talking about four rooms, we've got four basic emotions that all develop out into a lot of mixes; anger, happiness, sadness, and acceptance.
These emotions are always going to move on and renew themselves no matter what, so having these empty rooms full can show how it's just the walls that make them full of something, but if you look inside the emotion itself, sometimes there's no reason for it in particular.
Breathing is a way to calm down and move back towards acceptance. It's used in meditation and it's also used to help stabilize our minds and allow our brains to control our emotions. I think that transition is really nice. I hate how you used the ellipsis though. I dislike that use of the ellipsis. I think it looks incredibly unprofessional and messy [just my opinion<I'm old school>]. I like to use dashes, commas, or space to indicate a pause in the reading. Dashes would work wonderfully there and I think you did a good job repeating the exact use elsewhere, but I dislike what you chose to use.
So I think that explains where I'm getting what I get out of the poem from. I don't really like the last five lines though. They're very preachy and don't fit in with the rest of the poem. Instead of trying to talk us through it, just give us a hint about it in the title. If it's about the heart, then say something about the heart in the title. If it's about the soul then say something about that in the title! That's going to give your reader a focus and hopefully allow them to read the poem only once to understand what you're getting at. It's sort of like writing a poem about a grasshopper and never saying grasshopper in the poem at all, just naming it "Grasshopper" to indicate such.
Anyway, keep going in this direction, but add to it. Create longer lines and more complex ideas in simple things. That's going to really push your poetry to the next level.
Points: 1883
Reviews: 806
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