Published December 28, 2010
The moment I laid eyes on you,
My heart skipped a beat or two,
For your eyes and smile I adore,
I'll trade the moon, my life and more.
Beauty drips off you with every turn,
Gets my heart and feelings to churn,
I long for you to stay by my side,
So close our love would collide.
These newborn feelings surround me,
I only hope that you would see,
That living without you is misery,
Since you complete me so perfectly.
This is my first love poem EVER.. I hope you like it.. It's kinda like most love poems..
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138,001 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Awwwww that was really beautiful!
Hey!
So I really enjoyed this and if this is meant for someone "special" that person should really see it!
It was sweet and creative. I absolutely adored it and hope to see more like this from you!
Thank you for posting it, again I loved it!
Hey, I just thought I'd stop by and throw a quick review out there. xD
This may come off as harsh, but... my poetry reviews usually are, nowadays.
The first thing I'd like to say that, since this is your first poem 'ever', it's not too bad. This will probably just be tips for any future poems you decide to write.
Number one:
The rhyming scheme here is cute... but it seems to be a bit... forced in some places. The rhymes seemed to pop, and not in a way that's necessarily good. They made the lines seem a bit choppy, if you will. I don't know. It's just a tip here: Poems do not have to rhyme, and I find that they often flow better if they don't.
Number two:
The flow. It was decent, though like I said, the rhymes made the lines seem a little choppy here and there. When I read a poem, I prefer things where the lines flow into one another at a decent pace, or have a neat, catchy rhythm. Adding syllables, words, or taking them away often helps with this.
Number three:
The imagery and other such things. Some of your lines were cliché. What a poet needs is fresh imagery. As Flower said, give us something new, something that we don't see, or haven't seen yet. For example:
Heart skipping a beat or two is a decent description, but it's not what I'd look for in a poem. It's a bit over-used poetry wise. Mix up the words, twist and bend them until you have something new.
Like skipping beats. Churning is over-used, and it really doesn't have much depth to it.
This was my least favorite line in the poem. "Colliding" is one of my least favorite clichés out there, and seeing it tends to throw me way off. There are so many words you could use besides.
And it goes on.
But, I will give you this: As for a first in poetry, this isn't too bad. Just a few tips if you should choose to pursue poetry, really. I hope I helped, and sorry if it came off as harsh.
xoxo
~Ish
Mehh.. thanks for the comments.. Although Flower's kinda got me down. I'll work on more don't worry.
OH MY GOSH! I just love this poem! the imagery makes it easier for the reader to understand and put themselves into the narrator's shoes, and it is so romantic.Great job!
The thing that drew me here was the fact that you said this was a love poem. I simply dread most of them because like you said, they are all the same. There is nothing different or special about hardly any of them. This one is the same as well.
I do like the fact that you have a nice rhyme scheme, but the lines are the same as most other love poems. In order to pull off a decent love poem you have to be new and exciting. Use those colorful words and descriptions that nobody has seen before. Make up fall in love what you have fallen in love with.
Right now we can't see or feel or touch what you are. We don't know the love you speak up becaue it is so simple. Then again we can't really completely understand anyway. I do think we need to know what you fell in love with though.
I do love your rhyme sceme though. It is very simple and very complete.
I hope I havn't been to harsh. Pm me with any questions or comments on my review.
-Flow-
Hello.
This is a wonderful poem. It makes me think about the person I want to be with, with the rest of my life.
You should be a poet. You are really good.
Ta-Ta! Byee.
Hello there
Yes, this was just too perfect for words.It is kind of hard to believe that this is your first poem ever because it is really good. It is very romantic.
I don't have anything bad to say about this. You should write poetry more often.
Keep writing and good luck!