"Greed, the root of evil and the arbitrary good"
Greed-, so incessant but discrete, often sugar-coated, yet goes unnoticed,
-I'm a pet of society, of greed-, -scavenging, -finding, -observing,
-I'm tied to loyalty, but self-interest, self-gain, that leash is unbreakable
Society, animals, revolve around greed-, so much that it is
cloaked by what it revolves, like pets tied to leashes
held by other pets, ironic isn't it? Like the -Brits
holding their leash on -Belgium during WWI
then entangled -Italy after, the leash is flexible, ubiquitous, traitorous
They said it was the war to end all wars,
its leash just took over new pets in the second World War,
greed- is a leash whom everyone is tied to,
it makes others stupid because greed- was like -Czar Nicholas II,
greed- is a wheel of fate that spins endlessly,
it takes out people as it brings in new victims,
it is merciless, it takes away emotions, feelings, thoughts, life
just like what happened with the -Czar,
because society revolves around it, his people made it revolve
-I am a pet just like everyone that exists, a pet of greed-,
the -Serbians were as good as pet rats, we're just dogs,
they scavenged for sovereignty, autonomy, but,
they found war, food that fed the -rats were on a huge plate
the neighboring -dogs & -cats joined too, it is always the -dogs who chase the -cats
-baguettes, -tea, -sauerkrauts, -goulashes, -Hungarian sausages,
-Franz Ferdinand was the cheese, the -rats devoured it
the -dogs & -cats were all tied to a so-called alliance leash,
these pets were sure to become full, and then
they would scavenge again, sustenance is it? -You're ignorant then,
it is the leash, traitorous, recurring, it snares all those who wield it,
Greed- blinds, it is the root of evil and the seemingly good
The -Russians had their plates emptied by the Krauts,
so they had to draw the hammer & sickle,
one of the -dogs from the three Entente leashes ate all the goulashes,
none were left for the -Russians, but -Lenin restored it
with bread, peace and land, more goulashes then to be made
but also to be consumed, sustenance, and greed
-I am a pet of greed-, -I can smell money, hold it,
stack it on a table, buy things with it, thats what rich people think of,
the -Americans are tied the strongest to money,
that leash gave them greener pastures, a bigger picture,
they are always reassuring, they scavenged not just for money,
but for power, the leash ever securing, but temporary
they always look ahead, thats why they passed 14 honeyed points
-dogs & -cats, but not the -rats, fell for it, yet the
leash of nations was weak, ineffective, ignorant
-Americans love leverage, its their way of tying their leashes,
its always money, power, control, territory, and influence,
nationalism, militarism, imperialism, these were all leashes
Greed is ubiquitous, tempting, it consumes then betrays,
why do you think dogs and cats chase their own tails,
-I am a pet of greed-, and sometimes -I chase my own tail,
achieving nothing but my stupidity, my tail betrays -me,
it has taught -me to scavenge, find, observe, and change
But it would always come back, as -we are tied to leashes
leashes of greed-, even if -we change,
it is an inevitable cycle, because -we are tied to it,
the first World War did bring change to the pets,
they had new leashes, for suffrage, science, technology
warfare, industry, the leashes extend to now, as they did
in the second World War, greed controls, but
it cannot be manipulated, changed, or controlled by anyone else,
except by itself, greed is the root, the pets are its branches,
branches tied to the leash, to the root that existed on its own,
-I am a pet of greed-, -I cannot talk,
there is a reason why -I have a leash, just as dogs & cats
cannot talk to their owners, greed- owns us,
it is in our innate nature and we are all bound by it,
we survive and dominate with it,
just as the 3 dogs & 3 cats of the Alliance and Entente did,
-We are all forever pets of greed-
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hello, ejydp! VegasLights here to give you a review!
Must I say, I loved the fact that it tied in the two biggest wars. That is my favorite thing to learn so it was a pleasure to read your poem. You chose an interesting topic and chose to relate it to "pets of greed". I thought that was pretty cool, how you made them fit together. I only have one question, why the dash marks? To me, that made no sense to have them in there, you could have just left them out. Unless, there was an entitled purpose to them and if so, please explain.
Overall, I think your poem is beautiful and an interesting topic. The imagery is really good and only has a few blurs. Like I said, I think your poem would be a lot better if you left the dash marks out because I feel like it stops the flow. Sadly, all review must come to an end and here is the end of this one! I thank you for the time you put into this poem and I hope you have a great day!
xo. VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)
The dashes actually represent the leashes, but I'm sorry for being too ambiguous, and also you do make a good point about the length of my lines. I appreciate that.
Wait, I'm sorry, I meant the "length of the lines" part for the other who wrote a review.
Oh, the dashes makes sense now and you always need to be ambiguous.
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
Oki-doki! Let's hop into this thing! So, you've got a near poem here! I liked it a lot! It sounded very mature, and I could tell you really have a grasp on the content (omg I sound like a teacher).
I really love the hyphens. At first I found them strange and distracting, but that was before I understood the connection between them and leashes. They were supposed to be like the leash, attached to the words. Or maybe I'm reading too deep into this.
My only comment is that this piece read a lot more like an essay than a poem. My suggestion for fixing it is to perhaps makes lines shorter for a more noticeable rhythm.
Other than that, you did a fantastic job! Keep up the great work!
-Shey
Actually, you're correct with the hyphens.
All allusions are only within the context of the poem, and does not refer to any entity at the present.