Published January 9, 2011
Those days when you were here.
The world was brisk and,
every season was an accomplice.
The paths were invitations,
that led to eminence.
Trees, their arms stretched,
waiting to give us shelter.
At our first sight,
the stars would lush.
The sky was like a pond,
in it the moon would blush.
Why will i miss you?
Why don't you empathize?
We miss them,
whom we try not to sympathize.
Those days when you were here.
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138,843 Literary Works • 672,336 Reviews
Quite honestly, I didn't find this poem and wonderful as some other people seem to. I've seen too many similar poems. It borders on cliche.
the presence of someone so dear is truly an inspiration for us to see the good in everything.
i felt the longing from that poem.. nice work
Wow, I usually don't go for love poems, but this one was excellent.
Very nice.
Two things:
1. Be careful of grammar; even if this is online, try not to write "u" for "you", and capitalize your "I"'s?
2. Are you sure you meant "the stars would lush?" In verb form, I believe "to lush" means "to drink liquor in excess", which is grammatically fine, but I don't think that's what you were going for.
Overall, beautiful job. Keep it up!
The imagery in this was wonderful! I liked the flow and it made me think of a romantic setting. I think you should really expand on it and tell how the days are now without them, you know, compare and contrast.
One grammatical mistake I found was that: there arms should be their arms.
Thats all I found. Keep up the writing!