Toxic Love

Hi there! Haraya here to review your work.

I like the idea of using opposing ideas to represent the toxicity of a relationship. It creates natural tension in your poem. I do think you can still improve this. You can do this by creating ironies or contradictions. For example, instead of:

"We get together, we destroy each other

We separate, we self combust"

Why not:

"We separate, we yearn each other

We join, we self-combust"

I think it adds more vividness to the toxicity in the relationship of the speaker of the poem.

The main problem I have with this poem is with the economy of words. Keep in mind that the less words used to convey an idea, the more powerful its expression. I think there were parts where less words could have made the lines more impactful. For example:

"We are like the sand and the wave

We are like the time slipping by

We come close by and then slip away

On the verge of making it, and then we just decay"

You can reduce the words in these four lines and you can notice the difference:

"We are like sand and wave

Like time slipping by

We come close then slip away

Almost making it, but then decay"

Notice I replaced some phrases with just one word. If you reduce the words, your poem becomes more compact with only the words that pack a punch. The meaning is highlighted, maybe even enhanced. You can try checking out the rest of your poem where you can reduce the words.

Overall, you have an interesting theme with creative ways of how to tackle the subject, given how you laid a strong structure. That's all! Best of luck to you in your future works!

wow! i like this work very much, the lyrical tone of it is amazing. the clean nature of this work, grammar wise is commendable as well. although, I did find the capitalization a bit dodgy at places, nothing a revising can't change. at some places, like the big line you have there, does feel a bit out of place, but I dare not say it makes the poem not-good, by any means. keep up the good work.

(GRANDPA RICK!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Hello ehte! I'm Grav and I'll be reviewing your poem today!

Can I comment on your start? (Please?)Okay. If that was a kind of mood you were in, while writing this, that was probably a good idea. You see, when you give introductions like that, it kinda puts the reader in the same mood and then, comprehension gets easier. (Please do tell me if I'm not making any sense 'cause I feel that I don't.)

Let's get to the poem now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly, it was wonderful and relatable and painful too.

There were no grammatical errors.

Two souls to intimately intertwined One life, unpredictable

We are like the sand and the wave

They say we are two peas in a pod They say we are doomed to fail They say we were never meant to be

The cycle of destruction and unconditional love Continues