Published January 14, 2011
I don't want to cry.
Because i can see it in your eye
that, you are happy without me.
We are apart.
We are away.
And when you look back.
I will be there to stay.
My heart pains inside me.
But i know its not worth trying for.
But i don't know what this pain is for.
We both are through.
Now i don't know what to do.
When you need me.
You know where to find.
Tell me all.
There is nothing to hide.
I will do what i can
to make it alright.
My hand craves for you.
But i know its not worth fighting for.
And i know that we cannot embrace anymore.
We both are through.
Now i don't know what to do.
I treated you like a dove.
But now i can longer love.
I just needed more love.
But why did you give me a shove?
Yeah we both are through.
And i don't know what to do.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,257 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
Really good, emotional, and gets to the reader. Though, I agree with some that the last part needs some work. But it is good.
Yikes. This is loaded with awesomeness! Breakups are rough and you captured the emotions we all feel perfectly in writing.
wow, nice poem. I can totally relate to it, to the emotions you're going through in this poem. Nice work
This poem is really emotional. Is it dedicated to someone? LOL. Thank you
This is very expressive but indirect. That strengthens the emotion of your words, though I agree that a broader variety of wording could fortify it even more. You show a lot of promise and hope to see more from you!
Aside from the puntuation and grammar (sorry if I made any mistakes myself... that would be really stupid on my part), this is a great poem. I can understand the emotion you're trying to show through your words - though you may want to use some stronger diction in the piece to help you out - and I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this. Great write, and thank you for sharing this!
Strong, excellent poem until the 2nd to last stanza. I think it could be made better with a little more time. I do enjoy this though. Very raw and emotional, great!