Published August 27, 2011
Go easy on this baby. It was written totally out of emotional outburst and I didn't even edit it after that. 
The warmth that you provide
with just one hug, that is capable
of melting even toughest of barriers.
Your cuddle, in the time of restlessness can
protect from worst nightmares.
The feel of your warm, pale fingers
on my sleepless eyes makes me
want to go to the dream world
that would never keep us apart.
But the reality plays the role
of an unjust ruler, plots the plans
of making us live without each
other, while we lay embracing,
speaking in hush tones. Well, its
the reality that always claims its
victory in this so-called "real world".
And we are parted once again after
a few days of happiness that were
the most important among all the
happy moments. The only thing that
we can do is to miss each other.
So honey, here I speak to
myself in this solitary world - "I miss you".
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138,412 Literary Works • 672,114 Reviews
Hi there!
My comments are in red. I hope I don't sound harsh in my review!
Overall this is a great poem. Your flow and rhythm is great and there were only a few grammer errors. I hope this review helped! Keep writing!
Hey there, ehte92. I'm Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem tonight. ^^
Wow, Ehte. I love this. So, so much. It's both sweet and bitter at the same time. And it's beautiful in it's simplicity. And I know the feeling well. Missing someone is always sad. But it can also be happy. It makes you cry and laugh and wish you could see someone again. I think you've brought that to life so perfectly, it's wonderful. I really like the flow, it's slightly disconnected, which is what gives the poem a kind of nostalgic feeling. And I absolutely adore it!
Okay, nitpicks. I think there needs to be a 'the' in this line; "of melting even toughest of barriers." And I don't think the 'the' is really needed in this line; "But the reality plays the role." Other than that, I have no complaints. ^^
Overall. This is a brilliant and slightly more than a little depressing poem. And I adore it. *clicks like* I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the wonderful and brilliantly bittersweet poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!
~Scar.
Dani, I think I've said this before but I'll say it again! I really admire your way of writing so much different kinds of poetry! This one was really good, short, yet not simple and truly touching! You use great imagery and this peace is very vivid and satisfying even though it's only a few lines long. - I am confused by the previous speaker who claims this is a novel.. is there 16 parts before this? Just wondering..
Anyhows, great work on this one - Good flow, rhythm and content!
5/5 icky sticky spiders to you!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Love it. Keep writing. FIRST POST!!! P.S i didnt read it was too long sorry but i dont really read novels much. but still keep writing. Oh yeah AND GO SHAMROCKS. if your not on my team sorry about that. and im trying to get point for a novel of my own. so thank. im still typing i dont know why though.