Published January 7, 2011
I miss you.
And i'm sure that,
you miss me too,
and this is what makes me feel blue.
The days of never ending hugs.
The days we spent catching bugs.
Both drinking tea in a single mug.
You were my alcohol.
You were my drug.
Watching you sit by the riverside,
with a glaze in your eyes.
Air playing with your hair,
as the wind passed you by.
My sleeping on your shoulders.
Your fingers on my cheek.
My eyes observing,
every moment of those days.
Our huge quarrels.
On petty talks.
Your punching me hard,
to make me stop.
Those giggles of yours,
on my every joke.
Those uncomfortable silences,
when none of us spoke.
I miss you.
And i'm sure that,
you miss me too,
And this is what makes me feel blue.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,179 Literary Works • 672,080 Reviews
Small precious things put into words.
Nice piece
This is an amazing piece that just struck the core of my being and I really enjoyed this. You have a great mind for this and I think that overall it was great but you could change the part where you say "and that's why I'm blue" to something a bit more fragile.
This was good and really heartfelt. I was so moved by every verse, it's no the most skilful thing I've seen you write but it's touching, which is what makes the readers feel and obviously love this poem.
Well done and congratulations non being featured, I know sometimes how hard it is to get featured!!
Anyhow this was beautiful,
Kaka xo I loved it!
I like the general meaning of this, and you have some beautiful imagery and sensory language.
I really liked this stanza: I liked the emotions and the insight into how you related to each other sometimes: punching
Some of this poem feels a little artificial though. Don't worry too much about being poetic. Be honest and poetry will happen.
I hope some of this is helpful!
-pigeon
Hi!
I didn't know you write poems too xD.
Nitpicks:
- 'i' in 'i'm' should be capitalized.
- 'neverending' is only one word. (It's just that YWS gives it a red underline xD. I checked it on MS Word 2007)
Actually, I didn't find this poem that powerful or moving but, probably, it's just because I can't really relate as I've never experienced this before or probably because I was being dull when I read it lol. *rereads poem* Actually, the beginning part was nicely done xD as compared to the latter part which became to seem shorter and less powerful (for me). The others can relate to it anyway so it's not really a problem. You can't please everybody like what the quote says xD. You have good rhymes by the way, but you seem to have lost it in the 4th and 5th stanza. Also, I like the repetition of the 1st stanza at the end.
I think, that's pretty much all that I can say. Keep writing!
That was like a more sincere version of Your Love is my Drug by Ke$ha! It was amazing! I know you feel sad when writing it, but that was great! Seriously, keep writing!
In all honesty I can say that I loved this poem and it has a great deal of passion and meaning that some writers are unable to express in only words.
This poem Is honestly one of the best I've read. You are VERY talented! I love your style. You should continue writing in the same style like LilySoulMahon suggested.Good job!
You certainly have real talent for poetry. Each piece has its inviduality and captures you're mind.
I find this one makes me smile and recall past memories, its got good simple detail too.
I really think you should carry on with this style as its fantastic!