Published January 10, 2011
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138,638 Literary Works • 672,183 Reviews
I loved this, it's very true. Somehow it was light hearted, yet serious. I'm not sure how you did that, but it's really cool.
Second line: Would be like an (and no comma)
Fourth line: Did you mean "wandering
I liked it well enough. I say it could probably have flowed better; the verses could have connected better (use transitions).
This is the kind of poem that tells you, straight up, its themes. The comparisons you make are pretty blatant, and yet they make complete sense. The rhymes are good, but they aren't what makes the poem shine. The simplicity is what does: between the comparisons and choice of words (save for the 3rd to last stanza) really bring out the fact that the poem is heartwarming, yet simple enough for anyone to understand. And that's what friendship is, really. So bravo!
Adequate poem. This doesn't have much of a rhythm to it, but it is a good base.
Keep writing on and you will soon find your path.
We critics can have at your poem, you say? Okay. There were a few stanzas I thought would be easier to just rewrite with proper grammar and such. So I did.
To me, this poem seems entirely based off of the cliche you posted at both the beginning and end. I fixed up your grammar a bit. Not every line needs a comma on the end, and commas aren't the only punctuation to separate parts of the same thought. Semicolons work much better with this. The last stanza, before you repeated the one from the beginning, didn't flow very well. There was a certain pattern you had with the other stanzas which just threw this one off. My suggestions - work on your grammar, originality, flow, and try to spend a little more time on your poems.
Hope I wasn't too harsh!
>>Annie
This is a great poem and I really enjoyed your talking about how friends are hard to get and even harder to forget. You have done something great here and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
im deffinatly feeling this poem. i love it. clearly spoken and nicely presented. it flowed nice and painted a great picture. write more
Very true.. and like the rhymes.
I really like this =] It's got a good flow and it's true =]