Three ways to explain my snob of a sister: preppy, pretty, popular.... Uhh descusting I can't believe i'm related to her.Ohh did I mention her evil little name that goes with the three p's of her wonderful personalilty....Natasha, the most revolting word in my dictionary, I know terrifying right, exactly, by the way the most beautiful name that anyone will ever hear is, Stevie... and that is... if you have'nt guessed my wonderful name, anyway, this little tale is for all the kids who think they're cool with all of the make-up and ugly scarfs to match their attitude, acting all cool and grown just to get a guy they don't even need, and just as it seems my pretty little sister is their leader... yup my sister the snob, but enough about me and my worst nightmare EVER, now it's time to tell the tale that got all the tables turned on our whirlpool of popularity.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well this is an interesting piece here, judging by the size and the tone of what's being mentioned here, I'm going to assume this is probably meant to be a bit of a prologue here by the looks of things, and it seems like this is starting off with a character that has a sister that they don't like very much or at really judging by this person describes her.
You can very clearly see how much this person doesn't like their sister by the amount of things that are used to here to try and portray her character as someone that's a bit snobby and unlikeable. Its an interesting choice here, because you do have to wonder how something like this would play into the story, especially with how this explanation appears to be randomly cast aside before ending with that pretty mysterious final line.
Soo...overall, this is a bit interesting, especially that last line seems to indicate that something might be going down here...which definitely gets your attention but there is also the fact that the sister description seems a tiny bit tangential to the plot itself so its a bit confusing here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This seems like it will lead to be a very cute and funny sort of story. But there are always ways to improve! Honestly, there just some little nit picky things.
-When writing a story, numbers should always be written out (Annoying I know, I make that little oopsie all the time.) so instead of " 3 ways..." It should be "Three ways".
- Spelling is good, with the exception of "descusting" which should be disgusting.
- There are exactly two sentences in the paragraph. Commas are an author's best friend, but there should only be one or two in a sentence. Run offs are a big problem with alot of young writers. (Don't worry, everyone has the same issue.)
- Some things could be worded better. like ".... anyway, this little tale is for all of the kids who think they're cool..."
Could be turned into a sentence that goes more like " But this little tale isn't for me, or my high and mightly little sister it's for all of the kids who think they're cool with all the make-up and ugly scarfs to match their attitude, trying to be grown to get a guy when they really incredibly stupid.
- and "I" in "i'm" should be capitilized, just a few editing things really.
Sorry in advance if this sounds snobbish or overly harsh, but your writing sounds very similar to my earlier work. If you ever need/want any help or advice, I'd be happy to provide it.
P.S. I'm really hoping you won't hate me because of this review.
Thank you for helping me with my flaws in writing and I would have never known whether it was wrong or right, and you are right I have just started on this website and in writing so, I'm a beginner and young so I don't know how to remember how to spell very well, and P.S. I don't hate you for this review, but I hope that you except my sympathy,Thank you.
-ebyrd.
That was GREAT !
thanks!