i fall through the clouds
with tears in my eyes
but i try to look stable
and muffle my cries
·
i committed a sin
i broke a rule
i was kicked out of Heaven
aren't i a fool?
·
now i'm back on the ground
living life blithe
until Death knocks on my door
and i meet his scythe
·
once again i will leave
grow wings and fly
but until then i will mope
and dream of the sky
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Hello eaterofwoe, welcome to YWS! Your poem is really beautiful, to the point where one feels pity for the fallen angel's misfortune. All I wanted to ask is just about one verse: 'living life blithe'. What do you mean with that? Isn't the fallen angel supposed to hate to live on the ground? Because the word blithe to me is close to joyfull, to be happy and without a care. But there might be another synonymous that I do not know of or maybe you used it with another meaning to it.
this poem is unedited, and I should've made it more clear to show that i meant that they were covering up their true feelings and they seemed to be acting happy. thanks a lot
Ah ok, if it's like that it makes sense
before you write a review, don't make it on my CAPITALIZATION. it's fine the way it is, thank you. make it on the poem. and if you're just going to tell me that you love my poem, then don't call it a review. i might sound like a Van Houten, but it IS my poem. thanks for nothing.
Hello Ivy here for a review! I'll start with simply saying this is a purely beautiful....a work of art.
This is probably going to be another short review because I can barely find anything to change to this wonderful poem. The only thing wrong is the lack of capitalization of words like I.
(Wow...somehow I have to make this long enough to count as a review....)
I'll end it with saying I really enjoyed reading this, especially this part;
"i fall through the clouds
with tears in my eyes
but i try to look stable
and muffle my cries"
Overall...a wonderful poem..Good job and keep it up!
I Don't Think That My Lack Of Capitalization Is Wrong. read the review before yours; i've already heard it.
That's fine I read it...I was mainly just trying to add enough so that it counted as a review.
i understand i guess.
I must say, this was rather beautiful.
The only fixes you really need to add is the lack of capital letters. Otherwise, you have perfect spelling and a great poem in general.
Also, I'm not sure if there was meant to be no punctuation, but I'd just like to point out that there isn't any present at the moment.
In general, I loved this and I'm looking forward to any future works! ^_^
I Don't Care About Correct Capitalization Or Punctuation. it's a custom thing; i like it. but, thanks. at least you got review points.
(i probably sound like a jerk, but I'm not trying to) x
No, that's fine! Everyone has their own way of writing, and if you enjoy writing this way, go ahead! I liked the poem in general, so keep up the good work! (P.S, for the record, I don't think you sound like a jerk ^_^)