not ready for a title sorry

I can always imagine what I want, but at some point I have to come back to reality. 

As I rode the New York City subway, all I could see was a beautiful family, living in a wonderful home, and a little girl with a big smile on her face sitting with her friends. Then, as I snapped back into reality, and it became a blur. I knew it was just a day dream.

Family. It was something I couldn’t escape. No one could, and believe me, I’ve tried. They were always there. People say that it’s a good thing to have family around, but in my case it was a horror. I had an older and a younger brother so I’ve been through it all. The older one, other known as the “perfect one.” The one with perfect grades and the perfect life. Then there’s the younger one, other known as sneaky or “clever.” He is more of my favorite, but then there is the time he put my phone in the washing machine so… Then there is my mom. The person who I’ve tried to look up to since day one. She been there for every heart break, every tear, every smile, and every hug. Or that’s how most of the pictures show it. Like I said I’ve tried to look up to my mom, key word, tried. Yes, she has been there through thick and thin, but so have my brothers. I see it as you have to do something more than just be there to see it happen. You have to make the other person see you in a unique way or you can try to take action. My mom is more of a person who protects rather than letting me go out into the world and explore. Especially after my father, but I’ll get into that later. My mother watches me be safe and careful rather than letting me make a few mistakes on my own and then help pick me up after. It seems as if sometimes she is watching me everywhere. And I mean it when I say everywhere. Sometimes I just need space and I need to make my own mistakes.

Finally, there was my dad. Well, there is not much to say. He left when I was little and well, life went on. My family seemed to have gotten over it fast or that’s what they show. I know my mom is upset sometimes, and she never mentions him either. Every now and then the subject might come up, but all my mom does is walk away and lock herself up in her room for a few hours. Then she comes right back outside with a big smile on her face. It seems as if someone drew it on her and then made sure it never came off.

“Ting!” The subway doors rang as the doors flew open. A breeze of air blew my brown hair everywhere. A half an hour of combing my hair had just gone down the drain. As I walked out of the subway, a felt someone walk past me. The next thing I knew was falling. Falling flat on my face. As I fell, I heard the thump of my body slam against the ground.

“Watch it!” I screamed, but by the it was too late. The doors to the subway had closed and the mysterious and may I say rude person had already left.

As I tried to pick myself and my bag up, a curious, dark figure approached me. “Need any help” the figure said in a deep voice.

“No, I can take care of myself.” I mumbled as I looked up. It was Jason.

We had been best friends since third grade. He had just moved here and everyone thought he was weird. I somehow found him to be interesting and let’s just say he was different. One day, all the kids sat at one table and left him alone. I felt bad and sat next to him. It was a start to a beautiful friendship. Anyhow it’s almost sophomore year and here we are still best friends.

“Here, let me help,” Jason said calmly as he grabbed my bag and picked it up for me.

“Thanks,” I once again mumbled. I hated getting help from anyone, even if it was my best friend.

“So where were you this beautiful morning?” He asked while laughing. “Don’t tell me, Miss. Bookworm was at central park reading.” As he spoke a smile started to form around my face and as usual the moment didn’t last and the smile had turned into a frown.

By now we were at the top of the staircase and were about to exit the subway station. Just like that my mother appeared. “Taylor! Taylor!” I heard her scream. She hadn’t spotted me yet so I grabbed Jason by the arm and whispered something into his ear.

“Run.”

As we sprinted through the street, we weaved around the other tourist and New Yorkers. I

prayed that my mother had not seen me and I hoped that she would just call me so I could pick up the phone and then pretend there was bad connection. Surely, my phone rang as we got to the end of the street and I directed Jason to stop. Then I slowly reached into my bag to pick up my phone and answer the call. I knew I was probably going to regret talking to my mom.

I was right. I was going to regret it.

“Hello?” I slowly spoke as I answered the call.

“Where are you? I went to the station and saw you run. Come home immediately. I have to tell you…” My mother had started to ramble. So before she could finish speaking, I started to talk.

“Hi mom, I can’t hear you. I think we have bad connection.” Just like that I ended the call and put my phone back into my bag.

“What was that all about?” Jason asked in the politest voice.

“Nothing. She just wants me home.” I quickly told him.

We ended up talking, laughing, and roaming the streets for another hour. Then I finally decided it was time to go home. Time to go back to my family or in other word re-enter my nightmare.

Ten minutes past since I left Jason and I had finally arrived back to the small apartment I lived in. I never really understood the concept of living in New York City, but then again who would complain. I lived in a four-bedroom apartment and like most people I loved it. Then again I knew it wouldn’t last forever.

Just as I got to the sixth floor where my family lived, I saw boxes being carried out from the apartment. “What is happening?” I thought to myself. It was the only thing I could think about.

Then I remembered that mom had told me to come home immediately. Maybe I should have listened. At least now I could find out.

“Mom, mom!” I yelled as I reached the door to the apartment. The door had been wide open and there were boxes everywhere.

“Taylor, I’m in my room,” my mom called out. I then quickly climbed over the boxes and headed over to the master bedroom.

As I got closer to her room, I knew it was time to ask her the one question that was spinning through my head. “Mom, what’s going on?” I asked her.

“So I know this is last minute, but my job is transferring me to North Carolina.” She answered promptly.

How could this have happened. Why now? Why didn’t she tell me? Did my brothers know? I didn’t want to leave. All these questions swirled in my head, but all I managed to say was, “Oh, ok. I better get packing then.” I knew there was no point of arguing, it was my mother’s job and that spoke for itself. She was an attorney and she loved her job. Sometimes it seemed like she loved it more than she loved her kids so like I said before there was no point to argue.

Just as I finish speaking, I left her room and went into mine. I put down my bag and opened my book. I knew reading was the only thing that would help get my mind of the situation. It was the only thing that could help me forget how much of a mess my life was. At this point I wanted an escape from life, even if it was only for a short period of time.

As I started to read, I felt my mind go into another world. I was no longer think about my life or about the move. I was in the character’s world and that was my escape. But like everything, it didn’t last forever. It came to an end.

About an hour had past and my mother had finally come to check up on me. I wondered if she was surprised by my reaction, or if she was just happy she didn’t have to argue with me. I wondered what North Carolina was going to be like. I knew I was going to miss New York. It seemed as if I was going to go into another daydream, but my mother knocking on my door quickly stopped my mind from drifting off.

“Hey, are you ok?” My mother asked as she entered my tiny, but comfortable room.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I answered her back as fast as I could. I lied. How could she expect me to be fine? How could she think I was going to be able to move everything and leave? I know it would be easier for me to leave considering I had one really close friend and well everyone else in the family had about… If I think about it, I don’t even think I could name everyone. If I think about it more, my self-esteem drops a little. On the bright side though, I have one friend who I can depend one and that’s good enough for me. Too bad I have to figure how to tell him I’m leaving.

“So when are we leaving?” I asked my mom to break the silence.

“Well, it’s August 7th, so two weeks latest. I want you to start school there so you won’t have to transfer mid-year and plus they want me to start as soon as possible.”

All I could manage to say was, “Ok.” There were too many questions on my mind and there was to many things I had to do, but the only thing that I could think was, “How do I tell my only friend I have to leave?”

“Hey mom, is it ok if I meet Jason somewhere?” I spoke in the nicest way possible, knowing that she would say yes. I had the guilty card for the next two weeks and if I have to leave, I might as well use it.

“Sure,” My mom responded without even thinking.

With no time to spare, I grabbed my phone from my bag and called Jason. “Meet me at the music store on fourth street in ten.” I told him. Once again without letting him answer or even start to speak, I hung up the phone and ran out of the apartment. I might have tripped over a box and fell on my way out, but that didn’t stop me from getting to the music store faster than him.

Twelve o’clock, read the clock as I walked into the store filled with vinyl records and in my opinion the best music made in history. For some reason I had always loved vinyl records more than regular mp3 downloaded music. I guess I just liked the old vibes that the vinyl records gave me when I looked through them. It seemed like I got a happy sensation in my stomach that made me smile uncontrollably.

By the time Jason had arrived I was in the fourth row of records. I had look through so many records, but today I saw nothing new. I had been in the store some many times that I’m pretty sure the manager knows my name and can match it to my face. Then again I highly doubt that many high schoolers or people in general come to a music store. Yes, I lived in NYC, but it’s mostly busy and no one has time anymore. Also, no one buys vinyl, at least no one, but Jason.

“So has the manager said hi to you yet?” asked Jason as he stood next to my looking through the old records.

“I haven’t seen him yet, so no.” I answered back noticing he had a grin on his face. “So what is making you smile so much today?”

“Nothing.” He said giving a simple reply. He lied. He knew he lied. He knew, I knew he lied.

“Lair, just tell me what you’re so happy about. You know I’m going to find out anyways. It all depends on if you want to go through ten minutes of me trying to get the information. Ten minutes of suffering or you can avoid all suffering and tell me.” I started to move to the next row of music as I spoke to him.

“Fine. I guess, I’ll have to go through the suffering, after all its only ten minutes.” For a split second, I actually had hope that he would be flat out straight with me and tell me what is going on, but then again I had to remember I was talking to Jason and could never do that.

“You frustrate me so much, you know that.” I said back to him with a smirk on my face. I couldn’t help it, I knew today wasn’t very good so far, but I couldn’t help, but smile.

Ten minutes finally past. I thought he was joking about making me get the secret out of him, but he wasn’t.

“Ok fine... I tell you.” He spoke while laughing. “My mother and I are going back to L. A. for the rest of the summer. I can finally see some of my old friends that I have kept in touch with. Isn’t that great?” He said with his cute grin.

Before I could answer, I suddenly felt more distant with him. How could I tell him that this would probably be the last day he would see me? How do I even talk to him without feeling sad about leaving and possibly never seeing him? Then words started to come out of my mouth. It was as if I had no control of what I was saying.

“That’s great.” I said with a smile and no emotion. “I’ll miss you for the rest of the summer.” And possibly the rest of my life. The second part I left out, it wasn’t time to tell him. It wasn’t time to get upset and ruin his day. The time had to be right, but the question that rang in my head was… Is there ever a right time?

“So are we going to stay at the music store or are we going to do something?” he asked me politely. Again I felt distant.

“Your call, after all you’re the one who’s leaving tomorrow.” I said back to him as I got to the last row of records.

“Park it is then.” Jason said. He hated the park. As we walked to our destination, I wondered why he picked it. I knew this place was special to me, but to him it seemed like a place of boredom. Could it be, he knew it was our last day together. My mind started to swirling with questions I had no answer to. So I decide to focus on the park and Jason.

“Why so silent?” Jason asked as we entered the park where I spent hours hiding from my mom, my family, and sometimes Jason.

I had no answer for him. I was trying to clear my head and forget about everything that had happened today. At the same time, I might have forgotten I had company. Once again, I lost control of my mouth. Instead of giving him a simply reply like I don’t know, I told him, “I guess I don’t know what to say to you or how I can start a conversation with you.” Well, if he didn’t know something was wrong before, definitely knew now. I don’t know how to start a conversation with you, boy what was I saying, he was my best friend. By now I felt like the queen of making people feel confused and confusing myself at the same time.

Authors note: This isn't really a chapter or like a part one... I just want to know what you think so message me. Please give suggestions and I will be writing more to this i just want to see what people think 

Thanks...

~ druhi.b 

ps. this is my first time using this website so I'm probably using it wrong :) Also when I was rereading it over some parts reminded me of a girl trying to say to something but completely saying it wrong...