We are back here again
fortunately.
You're happy
I'm indifferent.
oh well
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
I always like short poems like this.
I like it! So simple and enlightening.
But to me this was, well...it needed some more
words and lines to make it a whole.
The title was catchy to me but it didn't really relate to the poem.
But just patch some more lines.
I like the lines, they are striking.
I am pretty sure it will be stunning and more glorious
once you add more bits and pieces to the puzzle.
Keep on writing
Cheers!
Hello dropout.
I know this is meant to be short, but an expansion would really be appreciated. If you could just give us a little bit more to go on, some details or background, I think this poem could improve a lot.
Other than that, I suggest a comma after "again" and "happy", and maybe a "but" before the "I'm indifferent". Question: if the narrator is indifferent, what is the point? And why is it fortunate? It's just a bit confusing, and a few lines with some detail or imagery would make this a lot nicer.
Keep writing!
-Falco
Hello! Ruro here for a review!
I do agree with ChocolateCello that there should be a comma after happy. Maybe a comma after again also?
This seems to be part of a collection? Hm, I'll have to read the rest.
Not a whole lot I can say about this, but if I were to say something, you made a nice story in a nice number of lines. It makes me seriously think, what is the narrator indifferent about? Why the "Oh well" if they're indifferent? I like it!
I love how the "Oh well" is in italics, maybe like an after thought, or a little voice in the back of your head.
Well, Ruro is off to read the rest of the collection of this! She shall return!
Thanks~
~Ruro~
Hey! Cello here for a quick review!
(Nice Avvie by the way!)
Well, this review is going to be short because there isn't a lot to review.
Only error I found was you're missing a comma after 'happy'. If you prefer, you could even put a period- totally you're call.
Also, you might need a comma after 'again' but I have a tendency to put too many commas in my work so I might be wrong.
This isn't really an error, more a suggestion. I feel like the first line would be better as 'Here we are again'. It's more casual, natural, and it reads easier.
I liked this, it was cute. You managed to tell a story in five lines. Nice job!
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello