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Crush

by drflapjack


Millions and millions of

loads of dopamine have

flowed and rushed

through my boy crazy brain.

It magnificently flows

and spreads through my

veins and to my

cold, preserved, hollow

heart.

The heart that keeps

me guarded and on

a constant defense.

The heart that is so

hard to tame and hold.

Through the tons

and the many

people that my

heart has crushed on,

only one has held it.

But the one who once

held my heart no longer

persists.

So I look on for the next

holder of my desolate

heart, hoping for them

to bring me their light.

I crave their light, their

confidence, their

brilliance, their love.

So until that day comes

I shall anxiously anticipate

my next love through

day and night and

dawn and dusk.


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122 Reviews


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Reviews: 122

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Mon Jan 04, 2016 9:28 pm
Purple says...



I love all the imagery in this. This flows better than a lot of my own poems, and for that I am jealous, haha. The whole time I imagined a heart that was only properly working when it was safe and loved. Yes, I personified a heart. I hope you keep writing on here! I will anxiously await for your next poem.




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71 Reviews


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Reviews: 71

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Sun Nov 29, 2015 11:20 pm
crobbins wrote a review...



This is a beautiful piece. It perfectly describes having crushes. I myself am considered "boy crazy" by my friends. So I relate to this quite a bit.

I loved these stanzas:
The heart that keeps/me guarded and on/a constant defense.
It is so true, because we try so hard to guard ourselves from the outside world and what it may do to hurt us, but we open our hearts to our crushes.

These stanzas are beautiful:
So until that day comes/I shall anxiously anticipate/my next love through/day and night and/dawn and dusk.
These are near perfection.

The only thing I might say is watch the capitalization. While you have proper formatting, you only capitalize some first letters. So just watch that, because having your stanzas look the same makes it easier to focus on the content, not the visuals.

I loved this overall! Good Job!

Happy Writing!
<3




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128 Reviews


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Sat Nov 07, 2015 6:20 am
BlueSunset wrote a review...



Wow! First poem! :D

Honestly, this was a great poem, especially someone who I haven't read from yet. You have amazing poetry skills, like amazing. This is definitely worth the thirty seconds to read and the review to give for this poem.
This makes me actually think about life and people's hearts, whether they are cold or soft and gentle, which is a major thing to think about. I think it's a perfect, intriguing topic to pick and write about.
And yay - no grammatical errors or ntipicks! :D That's very good and important to try to keep that at a minimum, though I doubt that will be a problem from you considering your awesome poetry skills and carefulness.
My favorite part of this was the near end part.

So I look on for the next

holder of my desolate

heart, hoping for them

to bring me their light.

I crave their light, their

confidence, their

brilliance, their love.

This really gives and sends me the feeling of the character, of how they react to this and feel themselves. I like this feeling, every poem should have it to make it feel emphasized and cared for. If not, it will seem sloppy and unfinished to others. I'm glad you understand and get it, you really put in details and descriptions to what is going on, the feeling, the reaction. Some poems miss this, and I have an urge to add on words or lines. This doesn't give me the urge at all.
And the sense of imagery! Though it isn't located in a certain event or place, I can still picture how it looks and the style of it.

I'm glad that you stick to the topic and don't trail off into anything else. In some cases, it's good to merge something else with that topic, but in this case it's better off what's put in it right now. The vocabulary was appropriate in the right places and went well with what was going on. :D

I'll be watching out for more poetry,

~Sun :D





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