Millions and millions of
loads of dopamine have
flowed and rushed
through my boy crazy brain.
It magnificently flows
and spreads through my
veins and to my
cold, preserved, hollow
heart.
The heart that keeps
me guarded and on
a constant defense.
The heart that is so
hard to tame and hold.
Through the tons
and the many
people that my
heart has crushed on,
only one has held it.
But the one who once
held my heart no longer
persists.
So I look on for the next
holder of my desolate
heart, hoping for them
to bring me their light.
I crave their light, their
confidence, their
brilliance, their love.
So until that day comes
I shall anxiously anticipate
my next love through
day and night and
dawn and dusk.
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140,186 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
I love all the imagery in this. This flows better than a lot of my own poems, and for that I am jealous, haha. The whole time I imagined a heart that was only properly working when it was safe and loved. Yes, I personified a heart. I hope you keep writing on here! I will anxiously await for your next poem.
This is a beautiful piece. It perfectly describes having crushes. I myself am considered "boy crazy" by my friends. So I relate to this quite a bit.
I loved these stanzas:
The heart that keeps/me guarded and on/a constant defense.
It is so true, because we try so hard to guard ourselves from the outside world and what it may do to hurt us, but we open our hearts to our crushes.
These stanzas are beautiful:
So until that day comes/I shall anxiously anticipate/my next love through/day and night and/dawn and dusk.
These are near perfection.
The only thing I might say is watch the capitalization. While you have proper formatting, you only capitalize some first letters. So just watch that, because having your stanzas look the same makes it easier to focus on the content, not the visuals.
I loved this overall! Good Job!
Happy Writing!
<3
Wow! First poem!
That's very good and important to try to keep that at a minimum, though I doubt that will be a problem from you considering your awesome poetry skills and carefulness.
Honestly, this was a great poem, especially someone who I haven't read from yet. You have amazing poetry skills, like amazing. This is definitely worth the thirty seconds to read and the review to give for this poem.
This makes me actually think about life and people's hearts, whether they are cold or soft and gentle, which is a major thing to think about. I think it's a perfect, intriguing topic to pick and write about.
And yay - no grammatical errors or ntipicks!
My favorite part of this was the near end part.
This really gives and sends me the feeling of the character, of how they react to this and feel themselves. I like this feeling, every poem should have it to make it feel emphasized and cared for. If not, it will seem sloppy and unfinished to others. I'm glad you understand and get it, you really put in details and descriptions to what is going on, the feeling, the reaction. Some poems miss this, and I have an urge to add on words or lines. This doesn't give me the urge at all.
And the sense of imagery! Though it isn't located in a certain event or place, I can still picture how it looks and the style of it.
I'm glad that you stick to the topic and don't trail off into anything else. In some cases, it's good to merge something else with that topic, but in this case it's better off what's put in it right now. The vocabulary was appropriate in the right places and went well with what was going on.
I'll be watching out for more poetry,
~Sun