Published September 5, 2011
Sorry that I’m not perfect,
Because we all know you are;
All alone in your own special world,
Where only the fantastic star.
And I know how hard it must be on you,
For perfection is a terrible burden,
And I feel bad that I can’t be like you,
‘Cause you’re just amazing, and I can’t bear comparison.
You do so much. All of the time.
While all I do is laze around and poke fun at you.
“Look at him, all hardworking and stuff.
Why should I be like him, too?”
I mean, all I do is try my best.
Pssh, who is that good enough for?
Apparently not you, because to be as perfect as you,
I’d have to try some more.
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138,281 Literary Works • 672,096 Reviews
I like it
There's real emotion here.
fourth line confused me, maybe it was typed wrong? The rest of the poem was good though and I understood the jist of it well and i liked some of the language you used to creative effect. Keep writing cause you good!
Great work! However, I have a few nit-picky things. However this is a very relatable poem, and I really like the concept and how it was written ^^ Ok. Nit picks. WARNING: I AM AN EXTREME NIT-PICKER.
Excellent beginning, first three lines are very attention-grabbing, and I loved that. But the fourth line I was a little confused. "Where you're the only star" may have worked better, this sentence had me a bit confused, but it wasn't like confusing me the whole poem. I was definitely able to get through the rest of the poem completely understanding, this just shook me up a bit.
I love the concept here especially, however, I'm not sure if I'm not phrasing this like you were phrasing it, but I feel like in the second line, there's an extra syllable. Perhaps "perfection is" it could be "perfection's"? Then, in the third line, it begins with 'And' just as it did in the first. I don't really like starting off lines with "And", it just kind of is a bland word to begin with, although I think used once would be fine here. The second time is where it gets iffy. In the first stanza, you rhyme ABCB. This stanza, you change it to ABAC, but it seems as if you're rhyming "You" with "You". I don't really mind switching rhyme schemes as long as there's a pattern in it, so I don't mind at this point. However, I adore the last line here, it really shows the emotion of the poem, and I feel like it makes the stanza.
First line is great, I loved how it worked into the emotion of this poem. Second line is an awesome idea, but "Pshh" is just like, a weird way. Maybe "Ha!" or something would have worked better? Third line is also fabulous, and the last line of the poem really makes the whole poem. It turns into a very solemn poem and I loved it as the final line. Amazing work on this stanza! The only nitpick is the rhyme scheme goes 2nd and 4th line, 1st and 3rd, 2nd and 4th, so I feel like this stanza should be 1st and third, or the second stanza should be 2nd and 4th as well.
Sorry if it seems like I am ripping this to shreds, I actually really really love this poem! It's brilliantly written and I'm glad I was able to read it! Excellent work and keep on writing!
Whoa, you must have been really angry! I love the meaning behind it, because trust me, I've felt that way before. But when you said "where only the fantastic star," it didn't really make sense to me. Where only the fantastic star...did what? That's probably just one person's opinion, but I see the rhyme pattern you were going for here, and there was probably something better that would have made more sense in the situation. Otherwise...AMAZING. Good job(: