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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Why'd you post this?
If you aren't going to take the time to capitalize, reread, spellcheck, or care in the slightest about your work I don't understand why you would take the time to post this. I understand that wanting to express yourself is a good and important thing to do, but doing so with attention and respect for people who are going to read your work is as well.
You have no reasoning behind your poem; it's a vomit of angst and emotion without giving an ounce of anything to relate to. If you want to write effectively, then allow us to share your... whatever this is. You're obviously using imagery, but it's not.. substantial. It's just there and then gone and there's no reasoning or sense of storybuilding. That's fine and all, but with no anchor whatsoever in your poem, it becomes difficult to take this seriously.
Don't contradict yourself in your imagery, give reason for it, give yourself a voice and a conduit through which to express yourself to us if you want your poems to work. Don't just go "OMG SO ANGSTY" and expect it to work. This is a fine example that it doesn't.