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Eternity; Chapter Two

by dreaming_mouse


2

When Damon had finished his duty he returned to his father and waited to be dismissed to go back to his cave. He didn’t have to wait long; his father gave him permission to leave almost as soon as he arrived.

Damon followed the tunnels down into his own cave; a line of torches lit the way for him even though he could see perfectly with his vampire vision in the dark. The torches were more for decoration then for practical use, although they came in handy for any unfortunate humans who got this deep into the caves.

The young woman was propped up against the wall; she was seated on the stone slab that he used for a bed. The first thing he noticed was the large bruise on one cheek and his awe and respect for the girl go up a notch. He pushed the stone he used as a door into the entrance and walked over to the girl cautiously, he didn’t normally block the door but he didn’t want to have to risk her running away.

“You tried to escape,” he stated kneeling in front of her, “that’s a nasty bruise…” The girl looked at him bitterly, her purple eyes held a “don’t patronise me” look in them. “My name’s Damon…” he waited to see if she would speak to him, he wanted to know whether she could speak in his language or if she could only speak in her own primitive tongue. She sat there silently staring at him. Sighing Damon reached out to take her hands and untie them but she moved back and eyed him warily. “I just want to untie you.”

The girl shook her head and carefully climbed to her feet, Damon watched as she circled him cautiously. In the blink of an eye Damon lunged across the room and grabbed the girl, she tried to kick out against him but found she was immobilised by his grip.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said gently, “I’m just going to untie your wrists.” He turned her around and pulled at the knot on her wrist, while he did this the girl watched him warily unsure whether to run or stay where she was standing. “So…what’s your name?”

Silence.

“I know you can understand me,” he sighed, “so there is no point in pretending you can’t.” Still the girl said nothing and Damon gave up trying to coax her into speaking, she would eventually say something. Whether or not it would be in her own tongue he didn’t really care about. If she could speak in his language she would eventually, and if she didn’t know it he would teach her. “Would you like something to eat?”

He looked at her shapely figure clothed in thick animal skins to keep her warm. The girl could see him staring and she tried to inch out of his view. Sighing Damon collapsed onto the rock that was his bed and stared up at the low ceiling of the cave. He was going to have to get the girl something to sleep on; he doubted she would like to share his bed. Damon propped himself up on his elbows and stared at the girl, she was standing in a corner shrinking into herself, her eyes were wide with fear as she watched him.

“I’m going to get you something to eat and some bedding,” he said gently, “I won’t be long.”

“Are you going to make her into one of us?” Damon’s father had retreated into his own caves; he was seated on a large rock that resembled a throne. Damon bit his lip unsure of what he should say, of course he was going to make the girl a vampire – she was too beautiful…too special to let her go to waste. But how could he tell his own father he wanted the girl to love him? That he wanted to at least know her name before he turned her?

“Yes father I will. But…just not yet. I want to wait.”

“You love her.”

“No!” Damon cried out too quickly, he bit his lip harder drawing blood and clutched the thick sack of straw he had come for.

“I knew you did,” his father nodded ignoring his outburst, “I have something you can give her,” he stood up and walked over to the back of the cave, “give her this.” He took out something clear and slim and threw it at Damon, dropping the bag he reached out and caught the tube like object.

“What is it?” He asked looking at the sickly green liquid inside, “it won’t hurt her…will it?”

“Give it to her tonight. When the time comes you shall see what it is.”


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Sat Feb 05, 2005 8:17 pm
dreaming_mouse says...



ElectricBlueMonkey wrote:Yeah, it was a pretty good story. I can see where this is going and got the general feel. I think you need to add more description, though.


yea I know, I have some things worked out like an ending but I just feel I won't be getting anymore done on this one for a moment. I write several stories at a time and when I get writer's block on one I move off to another that is almost finished.




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Sat Feb 05, 2005 8:09 pm



Yeah, it was a pretty good story. I can see where this is going and got the general feel. I think you need to add more description, though.




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Sat Feb 05, 2005 6:46 pm
Emma says...



Its a good story. I liked it and you should keep it up. Good for you! Yey!




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Sat Feb 05, 2005 5:50 pm
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dreaming_mouse says...



nope that would be my fault lol, thanks for helping me on this but I'm really stuck on it at the moment so I'm giving up on it for now :oops: thanks for helping me though :)




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Sat Feb 05, 2005 4:31 pm
Willow says...



That sounds great. I just think there's a typo or something when you wrote:

'the girl watched him, her face still his her fear . . . '

Either that or I just don't understand




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Sun Jan 30, 2005 4:45 pm
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dreaming_mouse says...



“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said gently, “I’m just going to untie your wrists.” He turned her around and pulled at the knot on her wrist, while he did this the girl watched him warily unsure whether to run or stay where she was standing. “So…what’s your name?”


Okay I did a quick revision of that paragraph can you tell me if this sounds any better please?

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said gently, “I’m just going to untie your wrists.” He turned her around and pulled at the knot on her wrist. The girl watched him, her face still his her fear but her eyes still showed it as clear as daylight. But there was also something else on her face, curiosity. Hoping to use this as an icrbreaker Damon decided to see if he could strike up a conversation with her. “So…what’s your name?”




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Sun Jan 30, 2005 4:34 pm
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Willow says...



I think that you should try to find other words, because it adds a bit of substance when you describe things like that you know?




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Sun Jan 30, 2005 4:31 pm
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dreaming_mouse says...



I know I don't mean to keep repeating things but it's a bit of a habit. Like some things I'll repeat because they need to be or because it's important to the story but other things like how she's watching him is just something I do by accident. Should I find other words to describe it (like you suggested) or do you think I should just not repeat it at all if you know what I mean? Thanks for the crit by the way :)




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Sun Jan 30, 2005 3:14 pm
Willow says...



Interesting
I just noticed that you repeat things a bit, like her looking at him warily. Try to find a different word for it or something.
I really like this story, and I can't wait to find out what the green liquid is.





It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
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