Hello there.
Popping in to give you a much-deserved review even if it's been a long time since this was posted.
First off, I think that this is interesting enough, but I want more of this. I feel somewhat sympathetic to the main character as at least we get a chance look into their thoughts, but I'd like to know more about everything involved in this story. What makes an underage girl leave someone important to her behind? Who could hold that much power? I want to dive deeper into this, maybe even a flashback, if you're not sure of how to write that as narration. It almost seems like she was on the run with a potential significant other, but maybe she was found? Or she had made a "deal" before and this was her last day.
Continuing on, I feel that the MC describing herself sounded a lot more like an outside narrator, which conflicts with the thoughts that are laced a little bit through this piece. One issue I have overall with the narration idea of this is that there aren't enough connections with Kassa. Especially the last few lines, as it seems like this would be the time for her to have any final regrets, or turn longingly once more over her shoulder to where her partner would still be sleeping, and such. As a reader, I feel wanting for more about her, which can be an indicator to either draw this out more, or turn this into a longer story overall, and give some before/after knowledge.
Finally, I'd like to discuss the arrangement of this story for a moment. I don't think the ellipses here and there are needed, as you could simply use other words to paint a stronger image of someone not reluctant in what they are doing.
Overall, I think the glimpse of the plot here is decent enough, but I want this to be longer to have a better feel for the MC.
That's all for now.
Points: 35511
Reviews: 403
Donate