Bite My Tongue

Heyo, Chilow here. All I can really say is wow. I'm definitely picking up on some anger/ sadness in here, very dark and edgy, as HarleySenpai so eloquently put it. I'm not so sure of the connection to Metal, though I would certainly agree that this would probably sell very well xD

Poetry that so powerfully emanates emotions like this is unfortunately looked over far too often, so I'm glad that at least one person still appreciates the ability of emotional words and phrases, and is able to use them to good effect.

I know I said that I didn't totally agree with HarleySenpai, but now rereading, I think they were onto something, at least in terms of this being almost lyrical in nature. This poem, like many poems of course, is very deftly able to tell a story, much as a song might. Even now I'm thinking of how this would sound put do different tunes lol.

"My thoughts wrap their fingers around my throat,

Clutching onto broken parts of me, begging to stay afloat,

The corpses of my regret decay and bloat," ----- This in particular really struck a chord with me (pardon the rock pun) and I think the imagery you use in this stanza (and the others) really adds to the raw emotion that I could really feel coming out of it. I commend you on your ability to use words so expertly, and I can honestly say that I will now be reading your other works as well! Keep up the good work!

Hello! I'm Harley, here for a review!

This sounded so dark and edgy. It reminded me of a deep, meaningful metal rock song; there was this portrayal of anger ['m biting my tongue, you're spilling your guts, Cleansing in the blood and bitter cuts, Spitting out their sickly sweet taste, My hesitance, such a waste.], especially when you mention about this person (I assume) experiencing such horrific things, like the "spilling of your guts". Whilst it gave the impression of anger, it also reinforced it's aim at another being, which is generally associated in the Metal genre of rock—using your anger as your weapon and creating this hatred towards another thing or person—which I also found rather intriguing.

In terms of your writing, I thought it was captivating! There was a vast amount of rhymes (as is with poetry) that were appealing and awing, especially in the first few lines, where you say "...you're spilling your guts, cleansing in the blood and bitter cuts." Furthermore, I liked what you did with imagery in this poem; it was heartfelt and allowed me to connect with the theme. I loved the lines: I die every time I think of you, You live inside my depraved desire.

Additionally, when I said that you're words reminded me of a Metal song, because of the theme they both carry, I think there's another theme within this too, relating to rock. Whilst Metal generally shows the anger and hatred towards another being, Emo and Grunge takes a slightly different turn. Instead, the Emo/grunge genre centers more around self-hatred, which you also emphasis, through "My thoughts wrap their fingers around my throat, clutching onto broken parts of me, begging to stay afloat." I think you truly mastered both themes.

From the lyrics I got the sense of resentment towards a person, maybe someone from an intimate relationship? I felt like the idea that was trying to get across was that the person (You [the narrator]?) was expressing hate from perhaps mistreatment within that relationship, but also the sorrow because they were once dependent on that person, like when you say "'Cause I never could do this on my own."

Overall, this poem was a very interesting read, I truly enjoyed it! I hope to read more similar in the future!

Good Luck and Keep Writing!~

- Harley

Oh woah! this is amazing! your a really good writer! Your poem has a really cool rhythm that I like. The words sound really harsh and I guess that is the point to express your feelings toward this person. But, I would try to talk a little bit more about them? how they hurt you and things of that nature? i'm just being picky, sorry, but this is an amazing poem and please keep writing! From your description, I think you went through a break up, so I wish the best for you to hang on through this time, because trust me, there will always be a light at the end of that tunnel!

This sounds like rock lyrics to me.
There's a negative, hopeless charge to the words, sure, but also an anger to it. One born of self-loathing, I'm getting the vibe of? It's a very self-critical poem - 'I always deserved it', 'my thoughts', 'my hesitance' - the hatred the narrator feels for 'you' feels like a cover for the hatred the narrator feels for themselves.
There are, in fact, fewer references to 'you' than there are to 'me'. 'You' never does anything wrong, either. The only thing 'you' ever does is cleanse themselves, in what is presumably a break-up, while the narrator remains trapped in their 'depraved desire'.
There's good imagery here. The word choice is strong, and the opening contrast is well done.
The meter here is all over the map. That's fine for lyrics, but it reads strangely as a poem. A little regularity here would go a long way, as well as would a place for the brain to rest. This poem powers through without stopping, flowing, yes, but like burst dam of emotion.
Based on the description, this may be about a real relationship? Good luck with that, man. It seems like you have a lot of healing to do.