"so close!" I thought to myself now letting my surroundings sink in, I was cornered in an alley way by a gang known only by who was in it, I didn't know anyone but they're leader his name was Glen we used to go to the same school until I got transferred for my. er. ability and was forced to leave him as a punching bag for the seniors,ever since he has wanted to inflict all the pain he felt on me for as long as I can remember, now it seemed he would finally get his chance to do just that and it made me mad that he would want to hurt me in the first place
"why are you so obsessed with hurting me" I nearly shouted this as I got ready to fight, I had been in a lot more fights then I wanted to be.
"because you left me as an 8Th grade punching bag for the upper class men that's why!" The amber eyes I had once loved looked furious and I flinched, he took that opportunity to step forward and clutched my throat in one swift movement, slam me against the wall and ranted about how badly he had been beaten, although we were the same age he was much stronger now and I was much smaller than him.
"let go of me" I shouted as best I could, I swung my leg forward and kicked him square in the chest but although I knew I had hurt he didn't loosen his grasp on my throat instead he tightened it, I shut my eyes against the pain but didn't cry out knowing that would only encourage him and he laughed at me
"now why would I do that" he asked through gritted teeth but i never answered his question not that i could if i tried, but someone answered for me
"because if you don't well you don't want to know what will happen if you don't" the man sounded like he was about to explode with all the restrained fury i heard in his voice
"where are you!" shouted one of the other men in his gang, he sounded more scared of my unseen protector than Glen was. my eyes snapped open with surprise he sounded so familiar but i didn't know anyone in this neighborhood but Glen and as you can tell we were like dark and light.
"come out of the shadows!" another demanded noticing a figure just at the left side of the entrance he had medium dark brown hair with one bright red streak going through the front, he was wearing a skin tight red muscle shirt and khaki cargo shorts and to my infinite surprise he was barefoot!
"i think its only fair if i fight only you" he airily gestured at Glen with an almost disdainful look on his face as he stalked towards Glen and when he made eye contact, i saw his eyes were crimson with amber flecks.
"i don't care what you say this is my call!" Glen looked furious now
"boys you know the drill" he turned back to me his fury strengthened ten fold he let go of my neck and i fell to the ground with a thud all i wanted to do was lay there but i knew i was done for if i did he had me seriously pissed off and he wasn't going to get away with it not if i could still stand, i stole a glance at my mysterious new found ally he was fighting with unexpected skill and again i felt the strongest feeling of recognition in his skill the way he fought. but i brushed it aside for the moment more pressing issues were at hand
"get ready Glen because i ain't holding back anymore!" i shouted as i got into my stance i made the decision that if things went badly i would use my ability to finish the fight quickly
"bring it on Iris!" he taunted me and i kicked him in the chest than before he could react i elbowed him in the nose and swept his feet out from under him in one fluent movement he quickly got to his feet his nose bleeding freely now. I grinned at him satisfied he cried out in fury, he came at me and i jumped up, flipped, and landed behind him he ran into the wall and fell probably unconscious, i turned towards the man that had come to rescue me and ran to join him and as soon as i got to him i put my back to his so that i faced the people behind him
"you fight often I'm guessing!" i asked him all of a sudden he linked his arms with mine and i leaned on his back and kicked the guy coming at him from the back in his tattooed face, knocking him out instantly i felt whole somehow, it was like i knew what he was thinking
"yea i do!" and to my surprise he laughed
"the names Jude nice to meet you!" as he said this i noticed that he was my age although more muscular than most guys i used to know and as soon as the fight had started it was over
"Irisann likewise but i have a question" i tried to keep the suspicion out of my voice
"why did you come to save me?" i asked as we made our way out of the alley
"well i sensed you were in trouble so-" i cut him off
"wait sensed what does that mean!" i stopped walking and put my hands on my hips tapping my foot impatiently
"well how do i put this so you don't freak out..." he stopped and rubbed the back of his neck
"lets just say that all will be explained when we get to school wouldn't want to be late on the first day now would you!" he grinned and grabbed my wrist dragging me along. i soon started running along side him, i had completely forgotten about the fact that i was supposed to be going to my new school today where i would be staying for the next three years!
Fighters, Rookies, and Answers Oh Crap!
*********************
"Dang we're gonna be late" i was still holding iris wrist and running with her through a parking lot towards a massive building.
"thats not good!" iris said to herself picking up her speed desperately trying to keep up with me her torn blue jeans swishing as we ran, when we reached the door i pushed her inside just as the bell rang
"and that was awesome!" i shouted giving her a high five a tall man walked up to us his name is professor Paderewski he smiled at us, cocked an eyebrow, and looked from me to iris
"who's this Jude" he asked
"irisann kathleen sir" iris introduced herself looking down plucking at the strings of her navy blue T
"come with me Irisann and i will show you to your new dorm"
***********************
when i first saw Professor Paderewski, i admit i was a-bit nervous he's so tall and when he asked me to follow him i nearly demanded to stay with Jude which was little weird I'll admit this as well but although this man seemed impossibly intimidating but then we started talking to each other and i found him easy to talk to
"so why have i been sent here?" i already knew but i wanted to be sure i knew i had some weird attributes like how my eyes changed color and a single streak of my curly butt length reddish brown hair (which i kept in a bun all of the time ) was a bright almost unnoticeable blue but when it was in the light it was almost luminescent but i didnt know why else i was here
"to find your own element of course didnt your mother tell you this" he put his hands on his hips and stopped walking i felt stupid i looked down all i could do was frown and shake my head "thats ok your roommates will help you out" and with this he lead me to the room i would be sharing with people i hadn't even met
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey dragons,
Truly.
I agree with Rosey...sorry, but reading that was almost painful. The only author I have seen get away with an entire paragraph consisting of one run-on sentence is William Faulkner. And that was only because of his style and eminence in the literary field. If you ever want to see how to write like a crazy person, read The Sound and the Fury. It will make you think you are on acid and then slowly drive you to insanity, all in the first five pages. But I digress...
That said, I was able to salvage some content from the mess on the page and can tell you that perhaps you have a story hidden beneath those layers. You just need to take Rosey's advice and read up on how to write better and much more clearly. I could see that you had a definite conflict, and you tried to infer that your MC had some sort of "supernatural" powers. Just what exactly, I don't know and I don't think you told us. There's another character who has some sort of beef with your MC and then another character steps up to save your MC from an early demise. That about sums up what I got from the reading.
Your title seems to indicate that dragons will be involved, and that interests me--as I'm sure it interests you as well considering you are in fact called dragons. So far, we as readers have been given few memorable dragon tales (no pun intended), The Inheritance Cycle being the dominant series that comes to mind. Although there is also Eon Dragoneye and the sweet dragon story, Dragon Rider, by Cornelia Funke (by far one of my favorite books from childhood, and authors as well).
We want to be able to understand what you as a writer have to offer us as way of entertainment through words. We really do. Don't get upset or discouraged because of these reviews. We're just trying to help the best way we know how.
Best Wishes!
Bailey
Hello.
I would highly suggest you take a look at grammar before posting a story. Right now, you only have two periods in paragraph one (when they should be commas) and no capital letters.
The Grammar Section of the Knowledge Base has some fantastic articles on how to improve grammar. And this article has most punctuation marks (and capitalization) that are used in writing.
I would also strongly suggest looking at this article on run-on sentences. Right now, your first paragraph is a very long run-on sentence. It makes the first paragraph near impossible to read through. Break up sentences after a certain point so readers don't get very confused or annoyed at the lack of grammar.
Also, capitalization is important. Capitalize "I"s when they're referring to yourself, the first letter of a sentence, the first letter of dialogue, and proper nouns. In poetry you can sometimes get away with a lack of capitalization, but in prose chances are you cannot.
To be perfectly honest it's nearly impossible to get any content out of this work because of the grammar. Please read those articles and add in some punctuation/capitalization. You don't have to be perfect, but some punctuation is much better than no punctuation.
Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions.
~Rosey