The boogey man

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Okay right off the bat you seem to have messed up somewhere in the formatting and lost the paragraphing so I will first have to fix that to read this. I don't think this one is quite as you intended the formatting to be. If you did do this on purpose that would be bad. Besides that it sounds like a really interesting story that you have here. It certainly is a fun little take on this concept of the bogey man. It's the most original thing ever written but it tells a nice story and for once there is an actual happy ending for which I must thank you sir.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I live all around you. I live in your shadows. I live under you bed, and in your closet. I feed off your nightmares. I'm the one you fear. I'm the boogey man.

I waited in the dark. It was almost sundown, and the family was settling down. They had a little girl, about five years old. Her name was Frankie Gothel. Every night she went to bed at seven fifteen. It was currently six thirty, and the family was eating dinner. I could smell the fried chicken from here. And I was hungry.

I was taught patience. So I will wait. I was excited, but I stood still. No human could see me when I was wrapped in the shadows. I was invisible. My heart sang as I anticipated my kill. The time was coming closer. It was a Thursday night, a school night, and I will strike at eleven forty seven.

During this time, I will sharpen my blade. I was staying at the task, even when Frankie entered the room. She said her prayers and tucked herself into bed. I grinned at this routine. It was so mundane. I licked my lips and sharpened my dagger again. And again. And again. Until the time has come. One last strike and I stood.

I didn't make any sounds, or any footsteps. I hesitated for a moment, listening. The girl's family was sleeping. Satisfied, I approached the bed. I raised my weapon.

"Time to die little girl."

"I can hear you,"she whispered. Bewildered, I halted. My eyes narrowed. There was no way she could hear me. With that thought in mind, I prepared to strike again. Only to stop again.

"I've been listening for hours. To your blade. You should be more careful. You could hurt someone."

"What the...That's my goal, girlie."

She laughed. My eyes widened. No one could hear me. And despite that fact, when the children finally realize what's happening, they scream. They SCREAM, they don't laugh! No matter. I will kill her.

"You shouldn't kill just anyone." She murmured even quieter.

"And why not?" I questioned. She only smiled. No matter, I won't waste any more time on her. I went for the kill .

Suddenly, I felt a flare of pain in my stomach. I peered down. My dagger, in my gut.

"How? I inquired. I coughed up blood.

"I'm blessed by the angels."

A strange sensation passed through me, a whoosh, and I turned to ashes. The last thing I heard was "I warned you . . . mmmhhh, that fried chicken was tasty." The clock struck midnight.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Hopefully the formatting was fixed to be something that you intended to publish before some error made it the giant chunk of word salad that it became. Besides that the emotions of this bogey man character are brought out well and message this thing appears to be sending is also really nice. It was a really fun story to read and quite well written too.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey dragonrider!

I???m the boogey man. I waited in the dark.

I could smell the fried chicken from here. And I was hungry. I was taught patience. So I will wait. I was excited, but I stood still. No human could see me when I was wrapped in the shadows. I was invisible. My heart sang as I anticipated my kill. The time was coming closer.

???Time to die little girl,??? ???I can hear you,??? she whispered. Bewildered, I halted. My eyes narrowed. There was no way she could hear me. With that thought in mind, I prepared to strike again. Only to stop again. ???I???ve been listening for hours. To your blade. You should be more careful. You could hurt someone.??? What the???? ???That???s my goal, girlie,??? She laughed. My eyes widened. No one could hear me. And despite that fact, when the children finally realize what???s happening, they scream. They SCREAM, they don???t . . . they don???t laugh! No matter. I will kill her. ???You shouldn???t kill just anyone.??? She murmured even quieter. ???And why not???? I questioned. She only smiled. No matter, I won???t waste any more time on her. I went for the kill . . . . . . Suddenly, I felt a flare of pain in my stomach. I peered down. My dagger, in my gut. ???How,??? I inquired. I coughed up blood. ???I???m blessed by the angels.??? A strange sensation passed through me, a whoosh, and I turned to ashes. The last thing I heard was??? ???I warned you . . . mmmhhh, that fried chicken was tasty.???