Published August 31, 2012
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141,348 Literary Works • 674,370 Reviews
It's an interesting poem. Fascinating. The voice is solemn and subtle. The words convey an image which resonates with strength. There is definitely rhythm which carries the reader along. On the other hand, due to the theme of the poem being mature, you have to tell it with maturity and that includes your command of grammar. I do respect your style of writing, It is simple and tells a story in the shortest of ways. Therefore I respect your gift as a writer. The poem is quite good and also challenges readers mentally and that's good! Tend your flame!
I liked the storyline of the poem...a lot. It was intriguing. The poem had a nice flow, and little grammatical errors, so I'm quite pleased with that. It was long enough to get the meaning across and short enough to not be overdoing it. Overall, I think you did very well on it. Except for non-capitalized 'i', it was perfect. ^^
Yours psychotically,
- thelocalmaniac
This is the improvement from "What am I"