One Day to Live

by dragonlover92

Published February 4, 2012

In short stories

PreviousNext

I am afraid. Someone is coming. That is, I think someone is coming, though I am not sure, and I pray I am wrong. I pray that this aching feeling in my gut is wrong.

Just then I heard the haunting sound of crackling leaves as if being stepped on behind me. I quickly turned around and stared into the black abyss of the empty street. My eyes search for something or someone. The wind slightly blew my hair in front of my face while leaves danced around me. Hearing nothing I started to turn around and go on my way,

“Hello… Ashley” said someone behind me with a deep voice.

I stopped and stood there frozen in fear while I heard the person slowly walking closer to me. He stood there in front of me; now I can see this mystery person’s face. He had blue eyes and dark almost blackened skin. He had to be at least 6 foot and was wearing very dirty, old clothes that smelt like gasoline.

“Wh… who are you?” I stuttered “How do you know my name?” 

“Oh how cute. You can’t talk because you’re scared” he said with a smirk on his face.

I stepped back a little but he grabbed my shoulder with his rough hand, the strength of it startles me and makes me worried about what’s next.

“are you trying to leave?” he asks, “That’s not very polite of you”

I stare at him with terror and by now my shoulder is starting to hurt from the grip of his hand. I try to get free but he was too strong.

“Let Go!” I yell at him.

 To my surprise he did, I fell back slightly but was able to catch myself.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Ashley.” He said with a innocent, hurt sound in his voice.

“I’m sorry.” I replied to my own surprise. He smiled back.

What am I doing?! This guy is a complete psychopath! He may be trying to kill me or kidnap me! Ashley stop talking to him! Just turn and start running and don’t look back! Ok ready… one… two… the.

“Shall we go then?” he asked politely.

“Where?” I answered confused

“To your party… that is where you were going wasn’t it?”  I remembered that I was on my way to Sherry’s party.

“How did you know?” I asked in wonder

He chuckled “Silly, I know everything about you.” He started to walk away, “Well, are you coming?” 

I stood there confused and scared not knowing what to do. I followed him but made sure that he was in front of me so he couldn’t get me from behind. We were about five minutes from Sherry’s house and the whole time I had been thinking about what this guy might do to me if he took me; which I was almost certain he was going to. I had been so concentrated on all of this I hadn’t noticed that the guy had disappeared from in front of me. It stopped and looked around franticly; he wasn’t anywhere to be see. I started to run to Sherry’s. I passed a car that had looked like it had been in a crash. I remembered the distinct dint from somewhere, but I didn’t have time for that so I stopped thinking about it. When I got there no one was home. The door was vaguely ajar, I stepped in.

“Hello? Sherry?” There was no reply. I reached for the light and flicked the switch. “AAAAAA!” I screeched as I saw Sherry in the blue chair in the living room. She was mummified and her parents were as well, they were sitting there side-by-side on the couch.

“So sad really, they didn’t need to end this way. It’s all your fault really.” I heard the voice of the man from before say.

I turned sharply to see him sitting at the kitchen table, I started to walk toward him with hate and adrenalin rushing into my veins.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?! HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?!” I screamed at him with sever anger.

“Oh calm down already!” he said agitated, “they haven’t died their just frozen in time. Go into town and you’ll see everyone is like this”

“What…?” I slowly said in fear and disbelief.

“Yes,  go ahead and run and scream all you want and go for help cause no one will come.” He said with a devilish smile on his face.

I turned and started to run out of the house and down the street.

What’s happening?! Who is this guy? What does he want with me? Will Sherry and her family be ok? What does he mean by ‘this is your fault’

I asked myself these questions as I ran for my life. I had been running for so long that I had to stop and catch my breath. I went to the police station, rushing inside I saw that sure enough everyone was mummified. I went to one of the officers and tried to grab one of their guns, but it wouldn’t move. On a desk there was a newspaper clipping of a car crash from a few years back; it said it was really a hit-and-run and that the man hit dead in the hospital a few day after the crash. There was a picture of the car; it was the car I had passed when I was running to Sherry’s house! I started to have a flashback of a road trip with some of my friends but I couldn’t remember much else. It all seemed strange but familiar as if from a dream. Suddenly I heard footsteps outside, I hid behind the officer. The door swung opened and the man stepped in.

“Ashley… come out, come out.” He said in a low rough voice, I didn’t move.

He started to walk towards the officer and my eyes got wider with every step; soon he was stand directly in front of the mummified officer. I closed my eyes tightly and just wished it was all a dream. I felt a hand grab me from behind and abruptly drag me out into the street. I yelped and whaled my arms everywhere trying to get free. He threw me on the ground fiercely.

“Shut up!” he yelled, I did.

“What do you want with me?!” I asked starting to get annoyed and completely terrified by this whole thing.

“I want to kill you.” He answered so simply as if it was common sense.

“But why?” I responded.

“Because you killed me,” he said as he knelt beside me, “It’s your turn.”

It all started to come together, the car, the newspaper clipping, the flash back; it all made sense. I remembered! A couple of summers ago I was on a road trip with my friends, in that car! We had hit something at one point and stopped to see what it was but nothing was there. We figured it just walked off unharmed and we went on our way.

“You? We hit you?” asked in disbelief.

“Yes, now hold still.” He responded as he pulled out a knife from his pocket and opened it.

“NOO!” I screamed in terror as he lifted his hand slowly, I put my hands up to protect myself. He came down hard and quick.

I sat up rapidly panting. I was at home in my bed. “It was just a dream!” I sighed in relief. I lied back down.

“Hello Ashley.” I sat up to see the man from my ‘dream’ standing in my doorway. “Time to die,” He smiled, “Again.”

 

 

Comments & reviews · 3
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review Review · Apr 7, 2022

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was an intriguing read. I really liked how you combined past and mystery with horror in the story. Anyway, into the review now.

In a general picture, I couldn't find any similarity between the title and the piece. Like I couldn't find any one similarity between the piece and the title. We really need a bit of connection between them. The title made me think that the narrator kind if had one day in their hand to live but no, that wasn't the case here. I was left a bit bewildered there to be honest.

Next comes the plot of the story. That was an interesting thing. I really liked that. Left in the whole world without any one but a creepy person really sounds terrifying to some extent. On the other hand, I would like to comment a bit on the flow of the plot. It didn't flow very well. Like if you see things, especially that newspaper clipping, it sounds very weird if that's the right word. He was really in the grip of terror and then amidst terror, I really don't expect anyone to read a random newspaper lying on the table when they are in such a situation. Make it more normal. Something like "He couldn't tolerate it anymore. But then it happened—his eyes fell on the newspaper and the car came alive. It was a sudden detour to the time when his friends ....." That is not your writing style perhaps but just an example.

And then there's another element of the plot which I would like to know a bit about. Why did the ghost suddenly think of taking revenge? It was an incident of quite sometime ago. It is going to be a bit surprising if the person takes revenge for no reason. No, I mean why did the person not take revenge earlier? I would like a bit of clarification on this part. Nothing happens so suddenly without any reason.

Next, there were a few instances where you shifted from past to present. Just a thing to revise when you write next. That was all.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Random avatar
Cloudless
Review
Cloudless wrote a review Review · May 30, 2015

Hey there! I think that your story was pretty good. I really enjoyed the read. It was short, sweet, and worthy of second read through. (Which I totally did).

So I am going to start with what I liked. I liked how you did the description. From start to finish I think that you wrote out your characters thought process really well.

I also liked the dialogue. I find that many stories I read here have stiff dialogue, almost robot sounding. Yours seems smooth and natural.

Now I want to discuss a couple things I would improve on. First is some dialogue grammar. I am going to use an example to show what I am talking about.
e.g. “Yes, now hold still.” He responded as he pulled out a knife from his pocket and opened it.

When writing dialogue, if your dialogue is followed by more description or a he/she said type thing, you want to put a comma, instead of a period after it. So that sentence would turn into "Yes, now hold still[,]" He responded...etc. You don't have to do it if it ends with a question mark or exclamation mark.

One more thing. It is about your description. I noticed that you didn't really describe the setting that often, so I would focus a little more on that.

All in all, great stuff! Enjoyed the read.

User avatar
artybirdy
Review
artybirdy wrote a review Review · May 30, 2015

Loved the story! It’s very dramatic, engaging, and quite refreshing!

However, I think you need to work more on your descriptions. You *mentioned* Sherry and her parents are mummified, you didn’t *show* it to us. Similarly, I felt as if you brushed over the details, e.g. in the flash back about the car accident. You could have talked more about it. Did they notice/see anything odd or strange, but didn’t think much of it? Moreover, when Ashley’s stabbed, you didn’t describe her thoughts and feelings to us.

For example:
“He plunged the knife in to my stomach and my body spasms from the excruciating pain. Gasping, I stared wide-eyed at him, fear jolting through me.”

That aside, you have minor grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors, but they are easily fixable. Just make sure to proof read/edit your work consistently. That should sort out the problem.

Moving on to the positive points, I loved the starting paragraph. You jumped straight into the heart of action and instantly set the tone for us. I also liked the hints you gave us throughout the story before you revealed the entire truth. In some way, it justifies the man’s actions. He clearly had a purpose to kill Ashley and you showed us that he’s not just another psychopath randomly murdering people. That, I believe, makes your story unique.

Well done, and keep writing!



All the turtles are related.
— Jack Hanna