Published September 17, 2011
I've lost you,
You went away.
All the time I think,
Of how I went astray.
I let you down,
More than I can bear.
It's time to end this,
Because I care.
I know you're not happy,
And there's nothing I can do.
So I'll get out of the way,
Because I love you.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
This reminded me sort of a movie I just watched, um, "Somthing Borrowed" I think. This kind of love is the kind where if you love the person you love them enough to let them alone for their own good. This is a very self-less kind of love, but I think somtimes it's misguided. Somtimes when you think you're doing the right thing by backing off, it's just the opposite.
I liked how the poem was very short and to the point, but I think it lacks somthing profound which probably exists when exploring this kind of relationship.
Personally, I think it would be better if this is part of a short story, something resembling a letter to a lost love. It doesn't really rhyme as a poem, but it could have created an impact on your readers had it been in the form of a story instead.
Hey dragonlover92,
This was pretty neat. It was short and simple and I think you got out everything
you wanted to say without flowing overboard. I think the last two lines summed
up your feelings perfectly:
"So I'll get out of the way,
Because I love you."
This is great because it describes your pain and ends the poem on an emotional
note, and a lot of people could probably relate to this. I'd also encourage you to
sail away from mediocrity a bit, as justcallmefade said, so your works become
more different and diverse.
Keep it up!
Miyakko.
This very sweet, but I feel like it's a bit generic. Alomst like I've heard it before.
But overall, I really like it, very cute.