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16+ Violence

Dragon Rider Academy: Child of Storms

by dragonight9


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Here is the first in a potential series of stories introducing characters who will be attending Dragon Rider Academy. I'm just introducing them for now and maybe writing a couple of scenes but I'm not sure if this is the kind of thing I should be posting here. If you enjoy this and want more I will be doing six of these. (one for each element included in my world) 

I hope you enjoy!

Drip…

Drip…

Drip…

The constant dripping of stagnant water onto the cold stone floor echoed in the silence.

Clink…

Clink…

The soft sound of metal on metal as chains slide against one another.

A breath. A groan.

In the dim light of the stone cell something moved.

Clink…

Clink…

A whimper. A sniffle.

Drip…

Drip…

Drip…

Tears joined the drops of water falling from the damp ceiling to the hard rock below.

Shackles rubbed against raw wrists and the clink of chains echoed as eyes were wiped dry.

She had only a few tears left to shed. She dared not waste them here. She didn't deserve them.

Thud

Thud

Thud

Even the cold damp of the chilled stone was not enough to freeze the occupant of the cell. Yet when she heard those soft footsteps approaching, all heat seemed to abandon her, and her body became as immobile as a block of ice.

He was coming for her.

Her teeth chattered but she quickly clenched them to silence the noise in a desperate hope he would pass her by. If only she could melt into the shadows behind her or sit still enough to turn invisible. Then perhaps she wouldn’t be forced to endure what she knew would come next.

The clink of keys and the clank of a thick lock being turned seemed as loud as thunder in her ears, making her flinch.

With a look of casual distain, her torturer entered the cell and loomed over her.

“Time to go little miss monster." The towering man's deep and cruel voice filled the dark cell.

"We have a new village for you to destroy. Don’t worry about all those innocent people though. I’ll be sure to punish you so well even the gods would rather pity you than blame you for their deaths,” He remarked with a sinister smirk.

Then he reached down and grabbed her arm. His hand was so large and her arm so thin, his hand wrapped completely around it.

Fear raced through her body and adrenaline flooded like cold liquid fury through her veins. She didn’t even realise she had kicked him until she felt the shock run up her leg accompanied by the sound of her own screams.

“Let me go! No! Not again! Please! NOOO!”

Scrambling against the unyielding stone and held in a grip as strong as iron, she knew there was no escape. Yet even the small wounds inflicted on her captor were worth the beating she knew would follow. She savored his cry of pain even as he raised his hand to strike her.

“You filthy brat! I’m going to beat the-”

CRASH!!!

“GRRRRRRAAAAOORRRRR!!!”

Both captive and captor looked up just in time to see the stone roof torn asunder. As rubble fell all around them they could do nothing but gawk at the night sky revealed so suddenly overhead.

“AAHHHH!!”

The captor dropped his prisoner with a cry of terror as a towering monster stared down into the cell from the hole above. It looked black against the bright light of the crescent moon behind it, as it glared at the cruel man with bright, electric blue, eyes. Then it descended into the cell and the prisoner couldn’t help but be captivated by the beautiful creature.

Its sleek yet strong form, with sharp teeth and a gentle face currently curled up into a snarl. The navy blue scales shone in the moonlight and its wings filled the entire prison cell. With an angry hiss the dragon batted the captor into a corner where he slammed into the hard stone with a satisfying smack.

The captive enjoyed seeing the look of terror on her captor’s face and the feeling of her claws as she tore into his shoulder. Her captor now looked up at her tears streaming down his face.

How could he waste his tears on something so trivial as pain? She thought.

She extended her wings and felt the power of her dragon body flowing through her as she stared down the object of her revenge, not even pausing to wonder how or why she had become the beautiful dragon who had rescued her.

With cold eyes and a frozen heart, she unleashed her fury on the man before her. Tearing him apart with her teeth and claws. Every gut wrenching scream, every bone broken, and muscle torn felt satisfying in the darkest and most primal way. The taste of his guts filled her mouth and stomach while his blood covered her and warmed her. The hunger and deep cold that had seeped into her very soul were slightly relieved.

But only slightly.

She turned away from the work of art she had painted on the walls with his bloodied remains, but she wasn’t satisfied. She needed more.

She was still so hungry.

Still so cold.

There were more slavers that needed to be punished. Nereid licked her lips as dark blood covered her once beautiful and gentle face like a terrifying mask of fear and death.

“I will have my revenge. They will all… every last one of them… WILL DIE!!” She roared.

“AHHH!!” Nereid screamed as she jerked upright in her bed.

Her heart was racing, and her jaw was sore from clenching it.

She shivered as she recalled how satisfying it had felt to kill someone. A human. Just like her.

She checked herself. Not a dragon. Human. Well… mostly anyway, she corrected herself. Noting the hardened scale-like patterns covering her body, and the claws at the end of each of her fingers.

For those born with too much magic, there was a procedure in which dragon blood was infused with their own to help them control the enormous power within themselves. These people were known as dragon born and Nereid was one of them.

Depending on how the blood was infused this also lead to dragon-like features appearing on their bodies whenever they used their full strength by opening their limiter.

Nereid closed her eyes and tried to calm down as she felt the magic that had been a raging storm within her, quiet back down to its normal state of turbulent waves.

Nereid looked around with a slight cringe as everything in her small room had been thrown about, creating a massive mess everywhere. Some might have said it looked like a hurricane had blown through, and it was an apt description considering that was pretty much exactly what happened.

With a sigh Nereid started cleaning up. She had really hoped to stop having nightmares that caused the accidental destruction of her room before she left for the academy.

It wasn’t like she could control it though.

For those born with too much magic, there was a procedure in which dragon blood was infused with their own to help them control the enormous power within themselves. These people were known as dragon born and Nereid was one of them.

Depending on how the blood was infused, this also lead to dragon-like features appearing on their bodies whenever they used their full strength by opening their limiter.

Normally dragon born have a limiter that keeps their magic at normal human levels, but in cases of extreme emotion or danger, their limiter is forced open, and the full power of their magic is unleashed. Some dragon born trained to allow them to open their limiter whenever they chose, but Nereid’s captors didn’t care about that.

By simply setting her in the middle of town and beating her until the trauma forced her limiter open they were able to annihilate entire towns with the wild and uncontrolled magic Nereid emanated. After being forced open this way so many times Nereid’s limiter simply couldn’t shut properly anymore.

After she was rescued and properly fed, she was able to recover more of her magic and found that her full strength was endlessly leaking out. This caused all kinds of problems for her.

Her muscles were constantly being enhanced by magic which resulted in quite a few doors being torn off their hinges when she wasn’t paying attention, and she could accidentally shoot off lightning just by pointing at something. Even worse than those things, however, was the hunger. Since she was constantly using magic she had to eat almost five meals a day to replenish the energy she lost.

The trauma and lack of any kind of magic training didn’t help either. But she was slowly getting better.

After being saved by a dragon rider named Dominic, she had been living in his estate and he was helping her practice magic whenever he could, while also giving her space to work through everything she had been through.

Apparently he thought she was now ready to rejoin society, and to help ease her into it, he had enrolled her in dragon rider academy.

From the way he talked about it, dragon rider academy was the best place in the world. She could make new friends (dragons included), practice magic in a semi-safe environment, learn about the world, and maybe (if she was lucky) she could even get some in depth counselling from a certain telepathic dragon.

Nereid stood and stretched with a wide yawn.

Her room looked a lot better now. Luckily her bags were still packed even after being tossed around the room.

Opening her window, she sighed as the pleasant early morning air swept into her room along with the orange rays of the rising sun.

Today was a new day and a new start for her. For perhaps the first time in her life, she was looking forward to the day ahead. Perhaps her life would take a turn for the better. It all depended on her experience at…

Dragon Rider Academy


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Wed Mar 15, 2023 9:06 am
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

General impressions: I really enjoyed reading this story! I loved the fantastical themes that you weaved into the story despite it being quite heavy in terms of the emotions it evokes from us. I definitely did not expect such a gruesome backstory for the character but you do a fantastic job of making us invest in her story!

Clink…

Clink…

The soft sound of metal on metal as chains slide against one another.

I loved the way you began the story by mainly focusing on the sounds the character could hear. It instantly creates a sense of suspense in the readers and puts them on guard - it makes us watch out for something invisible and immediately raises the stakes. It also set the tone of the story very appropriately and gives us an idea of what to expect from it.

However, here I have to mention that while the use of onomatopoeia worked rather well in the beginning for establishing a setting, its constant use throughout the story got a little repetitive and tiresome after a point. The thing with onomatopoeia is that they often restrict the imagination of the readers and do not really allow them to be fully involved in the scene by establishing it for them beforehand. For example, instead of saying "CRASH!!!" or "GRRRAAAOOORRR!" describe the sounds or how they make the character feels. By expanding on the two simple words, you can extend the suspense of the scene and make your readers feel more involved in the story.

She extended her wings and felt the power of her dragon body flowing through her as she stared down the object of her revenge, not even pausing to wonder how or why she had become the beautiful dragon who had rescued her.

I really liked the way you described the dragon in this scene, evoking a sense of fascination and curiosity in the readers that could be felt in Nereid as well. Even the action scenes when she was tearing into her captor were well described and evenly balanced. They worked especially well because of the emphasis you put on portraying Nereid's emptions - her anger and need for revenge was almost palpable in those scenes and had us completely enraptured in the moment.

However, at the same time, I found the narration in this part to be a little disjointed and difficult to understand. For example, I was a little confused when I realized that Nereid and the dragon were both one singular entity, especially because earlier on, you had made them out as separate individuals by highlighting Nereid's surprise and awe when the dragon first came to her rescue. Here, you should either make the narration a little more clearer for the readers to understand or you could probably highlight Nereid's transformation into the dragon. That would definitely be one cool scene to read!

I was also a little confused when I realized that the entire scene with the dragon and the captor was a dream, especially when later on it seemed as though the dream originated from real experiences and memories. Maybe you could make the transition in that part a little smoother so that its easier for the readers to keep up with the story.

For those born with too much magic, there was a procedure in which dragon blood was infused with their own to help them control the enormous power within themselves. These people were known as dragon born and Nereid was one of them.

Depending on how the blood was infused this also lead to dragon-like features appearing on their bodies whenever they used their full strength by opening their limiter.

This part was repeated again, word for word, after two or three short paragraphs. They both convey the exact same meaning in the exact same context, so I was not sure whether the repetition was intentional or accidental, but I just wanted to bring it to your attention in case it wasn't on purpose.

Now normally, in stories that focus on the backstory of the characters, it is extremely difficult to keep from info-dumping on the readers in a way that is not overwhelming. One way to do that is to balance the information you want to present with emotions that readers can connect with. Here, I think you accomplished that rather perfectly by giving us the background to Nereid's heartbreaking story. As a result, your readers would be invested enough in her story to not feel overwhelmed by all the new technical information that you present us with in one go (especially with all the talk of limiters). Even so, I felt that the narration got a little bit stagnant near the end when it became obvious where the story was about to go.

Final thoughts: Overall, this served as the perfect backstory for a character who is intended to appear in a bigger context and in a bigger project. You seem to have a good grasp on who Nereid is as a person and I can't wait to see what you end up doing with her character.

All the best with your writing!

Have a great day/night! :>




dragonight9 says...


Thanks for the review!
This was a bit of an experiment with onomatopoeia so thanks for your feedback on that.

I wanted the transfer of perspective from Nereid to the dragon to be a bit confusing as it often is in a dream, though the transfer to reality could have been a bit more clear.
I was going for a dream representation of her past trauma. It started as a memory then became more of a representation.
This backstory would take place after most of the exposition at the end had already been explained so I'll be cutting that out when I actually introduce the character in the larger story. I just wanted to give that info for the other dragon rider academy intros.
Have a great day/night!



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Sun Feb 05, 2023 12:28 am
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RavenNaal wrote a review...



This story seems to be very promising. The premise of dragon infused people as well as dragon rider academy will make for an interesting read. The back story of Nereid is a little simple but add a lot to her character as a whole. Being forced to destroy villages and always being tortured after words would leave her a bit more broken and unstable. I would also assume it would leave her cold blooded but give her a strong sense of justice. My advice would be to make sure to add traits that come with her backstory to her character thorough the whole story. Of course you don't have to do the ones I listed, those are just a few I thought of. Doing this would make sure her backstory is not forgotten and is still a crucial part of her life. The only issues I had with the story were that there was a small repeat of a few lines, the "For those born with too much magic" information. The other issue is the little bit of info dump about the magic of the world and its relationship with the dragons blood. If this is a summary of what your planning to write than you can just discard this critique, but if not then I would suggest having this information either not known to the character, so in turn not known to the reader. Or have some mention of it in a conversation where the main focus is not giving world details. Other than that it was a very enjoyable read, well done!





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