The Prayer of the Wishes

What was the point of this? It made no sense and was repetitive in the extreme. Saying the same thing three ways in three lines isn't exactly creative, its annoying and pointless.

I wish the wish of many dreams



The dreams of many wishes



And when my wishes do come true



So shall my wishes

Also, since you decided to capitalise the beginning of each sentence, you should also add the relevant punctuation ie commas and periods.

Cheers

dragnet wrote:

Hey there Dragnet! June here! I'm going to review this for you. It was short, so there's nott much to touch on structure wise, but this reminds me of something short I wrote a few months back. It was nothing remarkable; but this is good!
I'm not sure what poetic genre this belongs in, but sadly, this isn't lyric poetry. It's more like... informative or something, so this would be better posted under other poetry.

Nevertheless a good quick read. You could use punctuation however! Here's how (in bold)






I wish the wish of many dreams;

The dreams of many wishes;

And when my wishes do come true,

So shall my wishes

The repetition in this short piece was near enough to irk me, but seeing that it is a prayer, I guess it can be left alone. This isn't much; just a four line peice telling the reader something or little importance hence the wishes aren't granted yet. One issue though! When your wishes do come true so shall your wishes? Erm... of course, my dear, haha. I believe you meant dreams here.


Anyway! Aside from not telling us much, and sort of just being short and left us wanting more to it, it was good!

keep it up!

June