Young Writers Society

So, I haven't really posted anything other than the little welcome forum 'hi, my name is' thing, but I feel obligated to post something else so here's a little, amusing (or at least I hope it's amusing and not too offensive) expository essay I wrote as a part of my first university english assignment. Hope someone enjoys this. If not, meh. It was written based on the Swift essay, 'A Modest Proposal' hence it's a satire.

To All Eligible Women (Terrestrial or Otherwise):

Men of Greater Persuasions

Existence on the fringes of mainstream society can be a profoundly sad and lonesome experience. One may even equate it with Lost in Space – no, not being lost and alone in that cold, pitiless expanse of vacuum, but rather with the television show of the 1960s. In fact, much of the human experience can, in some way, be tied to the science fiction genre as a whole. Science fiction, for those unfamiliar, is a haven for the lost, the alone, the misunderstood, the heroes of our times, the Borg; and, of course, almost ninety percent of North America’s eligible male population.

I have long been petitioning for the Canadian government to make a public service announcement concerning this largely untapped pool of reproductive potential, what with our constantly problematic reliance on immigration to maintain the country’s population. They have only sent me back flippant and dismissive responses, so I have decided to take the matter into my own hands and address the country’s – and, for the sake of desperation, the world’s – female population on this issue.

But first, there is a little matter of names to be discussed. Women, we know that we of the science fiction community are often referred to by such derogatory terms as nerd and geek, but this, you should know, is as offensive as my calling someone a chink, nigger, or coon, etc. Instead, may you please refer to us as one of the following. For those of you who like intellectuals, we may be called cerebral hunks, as we enjoy discussing such topics as Jungian archetypes in the Star Wars Universe. For women whose tastes run along the sensitive artiste-idealist grain, you may call us men of futuristic ideals as we often sketch our favorite comic heroes and wonder about the portrayal of communism and Marxist ideals in Star Trek. For women with an eye for superior physical attributes, sci-fi-letes is the term you’re looking for, a brand of men who follow strict Klingon exercise and diet regimens. For the sake of this essay, however, I shall use a more holistic term that may encompass all three: Men of Greater Persuasions. And, for the sake of brevity, I will only use the term in acronym form: MGPs. We will not address WGPs, for reasons hopefully obvious.

Now, I will quickly get to what is most likely of greatest concern regarding relations with MGPs: fornication. Can a woman find pleasure with an MGP? You will be happy to know that the answer is, yes. Sex with an MGP has a plethora of perks, including numerous role-playing opportunities. For example, you be Lt. Troi and I’ll be Commander Riker, or for that incestuous twist, Leia and Luke. And science fiction even endorses lesbian, gay and bisexual relations, for those with special preferences.

The science fiction community is, as a whole, a very kind and accepting one that doesn’t discriminate by orientation, gender, race, religion, species, or home planet. If MGPs ran the world, war would only be fought over the internet, on science fiction forums, over such issues as, a Klingon Bird of Prey versus the Millenium Falcon. And to fight said battle, all we’d need to do is compare ship specs. We are indeed a peaceful lot – a peaceful, numerous, shy but horny, sweet but desperate, single lot. There is no shortage of eligible men – and men willing to scrap their love-bots – if you know where to look. These men would literally treat you as a goddess, (and wouldn’t dare to cheat on you.)

In short, there is no reason why a single woman should not be able to find a suitable companion, and I soon expect to see many happy couples embracing like a pair of hungry mynocks. If you’re still single, I’m sure there’s an MGP for you.