Published August 16, 2026
in sorrow
under the shadow
of a big cloud
shaped like a mouth
which swallows me
like a greedy witch
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142,052 Literary Works • 676,488 Reviews
Hello! i am always a huge fan of short poems because a story doesn't have to be big to make you feel something. I love what you have done with the words keep writing your amazing !!!!!!!111
Hello! Short poems are amazing and challenging (to me at least) because they contain themes and interpretations in such a concise space. Your poem evokes powerful imagery for a very complex theme. Clouds are symbolic of depression and sadness, so great way to use that here. And to compare it to having a mouth is so clever. I wonder if you can take it farther and personify the cloud; really feed into that symbolism. I didn't really understand the last line, but that isn't a huge issue. The formatting is great too. I love that all the lowercase letters play into the deep sadness, as well as the lack of punctuation. Fantastic poem!
Hey there!
I love how sparse and self-contained this is - it just gets in there, drops a powerful image, and leaves before it outstays its welcome! It shows a really impressive restraint.
I'm not sure about the last line. The cloud shaped like a mouth is a fantastic image, and while 'like a greedy witch' is memorable, it's operating in a much more whimsical, fairy-tale space than the rest of the poem. This isn't a bad thing per se (I actually really like it!) but it's an odd turn to take right as the poem ends, as the new mode doesn't have any time to settle in and make its presence felt.
I like 'in sorrow' as an opener, it's very striking. I'm not sure how I feel about having the title and the first line be the same, though - this is such a short poem already, and you're giving up valuable real estate with that repetition!
My biggest criticism is that the line length and meter feel very arbitrary. The syllable count goes 3, 5, 4, 4, 4, 5 - that string of three four-syllable lines in the middle makes me feel like things aren't really developing.
As for the meter, here's a breakdown with the stressed syllables in bold (as far as I could tell - disclaimer, I am not great at hearing meter!)
The one place where the meter is really working is 'of a big cloud' - the... um... (quickly runs to wikipedia to check what it's called) antispast really effectively mimics the shape of the cloud, starting small, getting big and bombastic in the middle, then finishing small. All the other lines feel very scattershot, with no real pattern or reason to it. I wouldn't usually go this deep into the weeds, but this poem really reminds me of haiku and tanka, forms which are intensely structured in this regard. It feels odd that this isn't!
[EDIT: Okay, looking back at this, I think I was a little harsh here - the fourth and fifth lines have the same metrical pattern, and line 6 echoes line 3. My bad for not noticing! I still think you could do with a touch more intentionality though. Also I sincerely apologise for telling you to look at meter lmao. If it's any consolation, I had to do a lot of looking at meter for this review!]
Overall, though, this is a great poem, and one I enjoyed reading. Well done!
This is a very short poem, and it still makes a huge impact. I think the last line, 'like a greedy witch,' is what makes this work. It's such a unique description because I never particularly associated greediness with witches, but your poem has evoked in me a strong image of an old, wrinkled, scary witch woman with her arms around her cauldron, keeping all the magic to herself and refusing to share it. Since you started by saying you are 'in sorrow', perhaps we can infer there has been a loss or terrible experience, and this sorrow looms over you like a shadow (as you literally say in the first three lines). You might be looking for something to help you out of the sorrow, and perhaps it feels like there is some magic solution out there, but no one will give it to you; hence the greedy witch. This might not be your intention, but it is my reading of the poem, and I think either way it's incredible to evoke so much thought in six lines. In life, there is often no easy route out of sorrow and other sad and hard emotions, and we have to pull ourselves out, which is never easy and seems impossible most of the time. >3