Time is a strange thing. Many people wish they could go back in time and change their lives. Unlike others, wishing that I could, I have gotten the chance to.
Last week a man came to my doorstep and asked me if I had any regrets. I automatically said yes and the man pulled out a key from his pocket. The key was glass and shimmered in his hand as he turned it in the air. A black and purple box appeared in the air. He looked at me and told me this was the door of time. He said that if I stepped inside, I could change anything I wanted in my life.
I thought about this for a while and then stepped away from the door. If I went back in time, my life could be so much better than it is now, I thought. But then again, I would probably just make the mistakes again, and my life could be worse. I realized that the second would be my decision.
I tell this to the man and then ask him to leave. He sulks out my front door and I shut the door behind him.
Many people would regret making a decision like this. They probably would think I missed a chance of a lifetime. But me? I stole his key.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi There doodlegirl,
If you have any questions then feel free to PM me.
Just stopped by to have a look at your story here.
Obviously the first thing I notice is that it's very short! Nothing wrong with that though if it's flash fiction but I think you have a lot of potential here for a longer story. Not necessarily a novel but just a longer short.
For example, the exchange between the main character and the man at the door is so short that it's hard to get a handle on what is going on and how it's affecting the main character. She (I assume it's a girl?) goes through the whole thought process very quickly that you blink and you miss it. I think it could be very interesting if you were to spread this one interaction over a few different interactions. Then it becomes this strange man at her door, watching her. Then eventually he talks to her, he offers her the door, gives her time to think about it. Then you have time for proper thought processes and the reader gets to go along with the main character, wondering what they would do in that situation.
I loved your last line. I didn't see it coming that she would steal the key! And I think that's why I like this little snippet so much. I think the last line would be much more effective if you think at some point she would go for his offer or you could see that she had manipulated the situation to her advantage in order to steal the key. Then I think you have a very interesting main character.
I hope that helped some!
Bex x
Hello doodlegirl! Here to review!
Also, I do like your style of writing, but I think some bits could be changed.
Okay, so what I really liked was the actual concept, or idea of this; because I think it was really clever and had a sense of humour to it- especially the last line, so well done
Firstly, the first paragraph is rather short and a bit cliche to be honest. Obviously, not everyone has the opportunity to travel back in time, it's just the way that it's worded makes it sound like I've read this before. What I would suggest is to perhaps expand on the idea of time travel, before you go on to tell the anecdote- perhaps adding more about how the character feels about time travel, and maybe some facts about time travel,
Secondly, I think that the vocabulary used could be improved, because it's quite repetitive. I think that this would make it more interesting and exciting to read. Also, I think also, you could expand on why you want to travel back in time. Talk about the regrets in more detail, obviously don't overload it, because I don't think this would work as a really long piece, but just add a bit more perhaps.
Overall, this was quite a good and funny read. I think it's got lot's of potential, but maybe try and expand on things in this piece in greater detail.
Hope I was of help, PM me with any questions, or if you'd like something else reviewed!
-Tamara xxx
Thanks for the review! It was very helpful. If you want to read something else, I have the first chapter of a novel of mine. It`s called Title in Progress. You`'ll probably say about the second things, but go ahead and read it. Thanks again!
Okay, I will take a look at that. I'm glad I helped