Published July 25, 2011
My life was, well, pretty normal. I had a friend named Josh who was super nice and smart, I was on top of my class, and everything was kinda perfect for me. And I was only fifteen. I had enemies and best friends. The only grade I had ever received was an A+. I'm not saying I was popular or anything, (I wasn't,) but life was in my hands.
I didn't know about the gods and huge fallen stars. I didn't know what huge mess I would get into. And I had no idea how long it would take to sort it all out
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, this seems to be a fairly standard sounding prologue here...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I feel like this one needs to have a touch more of a unique spin to it or it risks sounding a bit too similar to many other stories of a fairly similar style here...at any rate, let me dive a little bit more into this prologue that you've got here.
First of all, this is a bit different from most protagonists here. A lot of protagonists in stories of this style are going through some kind of problem or feeling like something is missing, but here, this person seems to be having a life that they're very happy with and it seems to be a very unusually normal life with barely any sort of bad thing...which is different, but I do hope that you do manage to convey a few flaws in this person, cause protagonists that are a bit too good aren't the most relatable which doesn't make for the best of stories.
The last part here is kept nice and vague, which I do somewhat cause it does add to the mystery, although with this it does seem a bit short here, you could probably very easily put this at the start of the first chapter rather than separating it off as a prologue like this one here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
You say you're "on top of your class." That makes me think of a huge pile of kids and you sitting on top of them. I think what you really mean is AT the top of your class. Also, you jump around a little bit. You go from talking about friends, to grades, to popularity. You should put the sentence about popularity next to you're sentence about friends, because they're kind of related, and move the sentence about grades somewhere else.
Sorry about all the nickpicking, I really liked it, and I thought the shortness added to it. I can't wait to read the rest of the story, so post it soon! And PM me when you do. (Sorry it took me so long to read this)
This was a really nice start but I am sorry, I have to be blunt and ignore your second post: this is just way to short to be anything. Now I know that this does packs a punch but you've got to place more into here or you might as well fuse the two paragraphs in with the first chapter. I'll help you try and expand on it but I do suggest that you post it with the first chapter.
I'll start off by saying that I really do like this. It makes me ask so many questions and I'm hungry for the next chapter; I just hope that it is as good as this. One thing I will say before I start ranting is that your grammar is not great. Just passing through this I've found lots of mistakes. There are some threads on this site that deal specifically with fixing grammar errors, you should check them out. They helped me.
Well actually it wasn't. A normal life is someone who gets normal grades, and isn't the top of the class. A normal person is an average person. Average looks, average grades and average personality. You know, someone who never really makes an impact on life because they don't like to dream outside of the box. From what you've explained, this character (whose name is still unknown to me, not good, by now I should know the MC's name) is a brain and that's not normal. Also, a normal life isn't a perfect life because normal wages can hardly buy anything these days. Sorry if I am going to much into this but you kind of need to consider this. If she's normal she should be normal right down to the very end.
I think you could've added a lot more here. Josh who? What was his last name? Why was he super nice and smart? You should explain him a little and take in what MasterLHeart said about explaining how they met. But then again, that would only work if you joined this to the first chapter...
Alright, let's take a new look at this. When ever I read books I hate it when there are a ridiculous amount of chapters because the author decided to write extremely short paragraphs and end the story at that page even though s/he still could've explained much more. James Patterson does and so have you. Let's go again. Most people don't like prologues anyway; I always skip them. A prologue is something that doesn't entirely matter, so if someone passes them by for the first chapter it won't matter as the information in that prologue won't really be important to the story line. To me this does sound important and if someone did skip it then they'd be missing out on the punch line.
The only thing I can really suggest is to join this to the first chapter. I've said it many times already but I do feel it's crucial if you want to keep this peice because let's face it, these few sentences were a great read. I really enjoyed the way you pasted this girl's life onto paper for us. I am truly excited to see what happens in her life. I don't want to appear harsh, all I am saying is that a successful story is well thought out and I really think you can write this without a prologue. I hope that I've helped in any kind of way. If you have anymore questions don't be afraid to ask. The Apple is always on YWS, always!
Good luck!
Looking forward to reading your story, dear. So post it as soon as you can, k? But don't rush toooo much though. And I wouldn't mind your story being relatively small too. (I like having less to read) Sounds like you got something seriously epic in store.
This is very good it's small but it's good enough to keep a person intreasted, I say you could have put in more like some dialoge or what cloths you were wearing at the time you got the A+. you also could have described how you first met Josh and who your enemies were. But overall it's okay.
I know its really short but don't pick on that. There's only so much I can say without giving away an awesome story.