My Own Worst Enemy Chapter 7

Sorry this took so long, I kind of got sidetracked

Chapter Seven

“Dani! What are you doing?” Ethan asked, shattering Bob Dylan’s voice and bringing a myriad of shouts. We were on the ground; I was on top of him. I couldn’t reply. The black faded and I could see his blue eyes opened wide, staring at me. I buried my head into his shoulder and cried. He sat up and cradled me to his chest. I could hear his heart fluttering. He rocked me back and forth, his heart beat soon calmed.

A crowd of people gathered to see the suicidal girl and her ‘rescuer’. They were yelling and cheering, Ethan was the new town hero.

“There’s nothing to see here.” His perfect accent was troubled, but full of authority. The crowd dispersed, mumbling with questions and disappointment. The sick idea of entertainment for the American people. “What were you thinking?” he asked me.

“I can’t do it anymore, Ethan, I hate pretending everything’s okay,” I sobbed. He stroked my hair and let me cry. “I’m crazy, Ethan, I don’t know what happened. I’m just not fully here anymore.” I pictured what we must look like to others.

He was cradling me like a baby. We were on the ground, and the rain was starting to come down. His lips were pressed to my forehead, and tears were flowing from my eyes. I looked up and he had one tear falling from his crystalline blue eyes.

“Why are you here?” I asked, once I had calmed down.

“I was shopping for some souvenirs for my parents and brother. What about you?” he asked out of politeness rather than curiosity. He already knew the answer to that question.

“I thought it was obvious,” I whispered.

“Well, yes, but, Dani, why did you let it get this far?”

“Do you think I had some control over this? It was the only option.”

“Danielle, killing yourself is not an option.” I could hear the anger he felt in my reasoning.

“Have you ever been in this situation, Ethan? You have no idea what is a rational option and what isn’t!” My outburst made him grow quiet, he didn’t bother to defend his point of view.

“I should have been in school today, I’m so sorry; what happened?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled.

“Danielle, something had to happen today that would push you over the edge,” he said. I felt his muscles tighten at the expression he used.

“Nothing happened, Ethan, nothing at all,” I lied. I didn’t want to tell him I didn’t have any friends any more, I was embarrassed that he found me that day and telling him that would make it worse. He was still holding me. I pressed my face into his leather shoulder.

“This is my fault,” he whispered.

“No it isn’t,” I said into his shoulder.

“Yes it is. If I had been in school today I could have helped you through whatever had hurt you. I’m not that reliable, am I?” he asked, his voice full of sorrow.

I grumbled, neither agreeing with nor denying his accusation.

“I know I’m not. I leave people whenever they need me most. Whenever someone shows too much emotion I run away. Like when you told me you thought you were going crazy, I just left. I was afraid of becoming too close to you. But then I stupidly said I love you,” he laughed, frustrated. I moved my head and looked into his eyes, his last sentence stung. “Don’t get me wrong, Dani, I do love you, I just wished I had said it when we would have had more time to spend together.

“It was wrong of me to leave, regardless of whether I had said it or not. You were upset and confused about what was going on in your own mind. I’m sorry.” His voice was so quiet.

“It’s not you fault, Ethan.”

“Be that as it may, I haven’t done anything to relieve the pressure. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Best friends do that, boyfriends do that, I’m just horrible at both,” he said, hanging his head. I wished he had chosen a different day to tell me all of his problems with relationships; I had too much on my mind already.

“Please don’t,” I said, touching his face, “not right now.” I felt horrible doing this to him, but I didn’t want to think of his sadness too.

“I promise I’ll only leave when you ask me to. I’ll never leave you when you’re upset, I’ll always be there to make you happier.” He locked his eyes onto mine and I could see the sincerity in his words. I tucked my head into his neck and kissed his collar bone.

“Come on; let’s go to your home.” His voice was just a whisper. He lifted himself up off the ground, pulling me upright with him. He pulled his jacket off and draped it over my quivering shoulders; I realized I was crying again.

He held my hand, with more strength than necessary, and guided through the labyrinth of tourists, constantly looking down at my face. He was probably afraid I was going to freak out and throw myself over the edge again.

“How did you find me?” I asked in a small voice.

“It wasn’t that hard, a lot of people were running over to where you were standing, curiosity got the best of me and I followed. The closer I got to the crowd the more information I received regarding what was going on. One man was shouting, ‘the girl’s going to jump!’ and a woman on the other side of the crowd responded, ‘someone stop her’. Everyone was yelling, trying to convince the suicidal girl to get off of the railing. I had already made up my mind to try and stop whoever was considering this death.

“I pushed through the crowd, and then you came into view. At first I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t you, thinking ‘her hair’s down, Dani never wears her hair down,’ it was a foolish attempt. You’re wearing your uniform, I knew it was you. After the seconds of reasoning, I ran to you and pulled you to the ground.”

I didn’t answer; the tears were welling up in my eyes with more force. I held them back, but my red nose deceived me. Ethan looked down at me and stopped walking. He dropped my hand and held my face.

“Please don’t cry, Dani, it’s all over now,” he said, bending down so our faces were at the same level. He kissed my forehead and hugged me. He only embraced me for a second or two, then he continued walking, this time with his arm around my waist.

We rode home on his motorcycle. He stopped at our usual spot, in front of the woods, so Miles wouldn’t see the bike. It was raining hard by this point and he was drenched. I took off his jacket and tried to give it back to him, but he wouldn’t take it. He only stared at my wrist.

“What did you do?” he asked with an angry look.

“Um, I tripped while I was running.” I tried to sound confident but it sounded more like a question. He cocked his head and arched an eyebrow.

“Can you please tell me the truth?”

“That is the truth, whether or not you decide to believe me is your own decision,” I said. He smiled slightly, not from amusement, but from anger. He picked up my arm and pushed back my sleeve, revealing the slit across the crease of my elbow and the one on my wrist.

“Wow, so you fell today and the other cut on your arm managed to heal itself to the point of a scar in an hour?” he asked, his voice full of sarcasm. “If you don’t say otherwise I’m going to assume you’re cutting yourself, and then I will have to tell someone about this so you don’t hurt yourself any further.”

“You are not allowed to tell anyone about this!” I yelled without thinking.

“So I am right, you are cutting yourself.”

“No I’m not.”

“No matter how many times you say it, Dani, it won’t make it true.” I groaned loudly and started walk away. “This is the thanks I get for saving your life?”

“Saving my life?” I asked turning to face him. He was closer than I expected. When I turned, I almost bumped into him. “Who says I wanted to be saved?”

“So you’d rather die?” he asked with a practical face. He held onto my hands so I couldn’t walk away again.

“Yes, I have nothing to live for Ethan, I’m done,” I calmly said.

“What about me?” he slowly asked in a quiet voice. He dropped my hands and took two steps back and hung his head in embarrassment.

“No, you matter. You’re all I have, I love you,” I backtracked.

“And I love you; do you see why I need to know if you’re hurting yourself? I don’t want you to leave me, Dani.” His blue eyes turned into puppy dog pleas.

“I know, Ethan, okay? I’m sorry,” I whispered. He stared at me, without moving, deep in thought.

“Let’s get you home,” he said after a long pause.

We walked in silence, but he kept looking my way with a troubled expression. He held my hand, his thumb kept caressing my skin, he was trying to be comforting but nothing could comfort me at that point.

When we arrived at my condo, I could see Miles’ silhouette pacing back and forth in front of the window. He would stop every few steps to pull back the curtain and peer through window.

“Great, I’m in so much trouble,” I sighed. Then I remembered the note pinned to my pillow, my sigh turned into a loud groan.

“What, what is it?” Ethan asked, suddenly nervous. He pulled me closer and turned me around so I was facing him.

“Nothing. I just did something stupid and Miles is most likely going to yell at me for it.” I glanced back at the house and Miles had the curtains fully drawn, he was staring right at me. “Oh man I have to go, I love you. ‘Bye.” I squeezed his hands then walked towards my impending doom.

Thanks for reading!

~Dommy