Hello. This is a poem I worked on and it is yet to be titled. Grammar mistakes are a probable option in my works, since I am not native, and the struggles lingers. Reviews\critics are longed for and would be appropriate and appreciated very much, as long as they are constructive, with hopes that no comment remains ineffective.
As in garden of heaven,
I declared sacredness, and I awed and cherished;
God's creations each day, all the seven.
This love, by moonlight, will have perished.
As if I were dwelling in the garden,
I fought to keep all I have pledged.
As damned human nature is calling, to harden,
Innocence and faith are questioned, rendered alleged.
And like the garden's sole creator, so serene,
you lock our garden in a cage, One key you are possessing.
You paint the walls in blue and the floors in green
to hide it all you are repressing.
And have you, God, provided us with this perfection,
a garden rich in mines, a wrapped up deception,
lest we execute an action
failing to give you satisfaction?
And you, my love, listen, then reprimand me, weak and craven;
I now relinquish this despair, indoctrinated under your spell.
For I have escaped this golden cage, one they will rightfully call heaven,
but I have tasted the goods of heaven, and I would rather call it hell.