Two Weeks

Hi. I just wanted to give you a big, virtual hug. I can't even review this piece because it'd seem wrong to dissect a piece that touched me so deeply. Thank you for sharing this tragedy.

Oh, and welcome to the site.

I can't wait to see what you post next.

Hi there.

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It must be hard.
Second of all, I see you're new. Welcome to YWS.

I like how you divide the stanzas into two distinct emotions. It's good to do that. It gives a nice, symmetrical feeling to the poem.
The voice you use is a rather childlike voice. This works because it was about your relationship with your mother, and the child of a mother is always her child.

What I think needs work lies mostly in the first stanza. I don't understand how you say you found her "two weeks before I had my mommy." The way it's written makes a time paradox.
Also, while you have some concrete images in the second stanza, you've only got "smiling and laughing" in the first. I think you could elaborate and try to show us why you were smiling and laughing instead of telling the readers that you're both smiling and laughing. Think about the cause instead of the effect. It'll paint a better picture (if you wish, make the first stanza longer, too. Heck, make 'em both longer).

The last line also needs a bit of polishing. "Mommy is ashes" doesn't sit right in my mouth. Perhaps say "Mommy's gone to ashes." But it's your poem.

It was a pleasure to review. Have a good day, dizzy.

As a poem, I like how you used the beat to relate the two times and the use of a time reference with two weeks. You have a good use of words and showing us your happiness to begin with, and then your sadness at the end. I like how you tie in what happened to her remains as something more important to you than the need to cry, like crying is only a part of the story with death.

As a critic, I would like to see more punctuation in this so I know where to stop reading. As it is now, I feel like I'm trying to run a marathon to read everything in one breath instead of pausing to let the laughter, tears, or weight of anything catch on. I would like it better if you slowed it down by adding the punctuation allowing the reader to feel these things and get enveloped into the words.

It has a very tragic tone, just as tragic as your lost. Im sorry for you loss, It is nice to creat beautiful work from such a sad event.