z

Young Writers Society



new skin for the old ceremony

by dissonance


i write when i need more.
i find comfort in everything, everywhere;
i sleep in rooms with strangers
and write poetry about their
couch cushions.

i want to feel alive again,
heavy. i leave my notes app untouched,
yet i pick words out of my teeth and
toss them into the places
i can't go anymore.

let me tell you about it.
let me tell you how this all means something;
another year going by too quickly,
watching evenings pass like old histories.
i fix the blinds again, hide from the sun.

i am everything, everywhere --
moving in place. 

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81 Reviews

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Reviews: 81

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Tue Nov 14, 2023 12:30 am
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ariah347 wrote a review...



Hey there creaturefeature! Hope all is well in your world. The title of this caught my eye in the green room so I thought I would read and review. Let's get into it!


My favorite thing about this writing is that it is powerful and impactful despite how short it is. Each line helps add to the overall mood and theme. Speaking of mood and theme, there is a clear sense of longing and introspection. The way you showcase the desire for meaning in life with imagery and detail is wonderful. I love the line

Write poetry about their couch cushions
. It is relatable and helped me visualize/connect with you. You have an interesting closing line that left an impression on me and made this unforgettable.

What can we improve here? I am having a hard time picking through this to find clear issues. I suppose a suggestion would be to consider line breaks. If you experiment with line breaks, you may add emphasis to certain phrases or create a specific rhythm. You may find that adjusting lines and breaks may enhance the flow as well. This feels a bit nit-picky and not entirely necessary, but nonetheless, I find it worthwhile to point out.

Wishing you wonder and gratitude! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥A




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1228 Reviews

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Sat Nov 11, 2023 2:51 pm
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alliyah says...



i fix the blinds again, hide from the sun.

i am everything, everywhere --
moving in place.


I really like the juxtaposition of the ordinary with the ethereal, which seems to also hit on the need for language / poetry / writing to express something more than is concretely observed. Lovely relatable poem. I also don't mind this being succinct, I think it makes it very clean and to the point.

I need more of your poetry! <3

alliyah




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26 Reviews

Points: 1100
Reviews: 26

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Mon Nov 06, 2023 7:06 pm
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envy wrote a review...



the title captured me instantly. leonard cohen is one of my most respected songwriters & poets, so its only natural i would review this. he chose said title for his album because it represented renewal & transformation. i think that is juxtaposed nicely since this poem focuses on the total opposite. or while the ceremonies & rituals of life may change, the underlying human experience remains the same. the narrator here moves in place, which is a very similar note.

i enjoyed this poem a lot. the restlessness is almost addictive. the desire to feel more alive is something we all will experience in our lives & you have cultivated it. you especially touch on how that relates to feeling disconnected, both from others & from oneself. overall, very relatable topic to write about. reading this made me feel like i was on some emotional journey the entire time.

although you have very rich imagery, there are moments where it all is obscured. your poem is full of symbols & metaphors, but i dont see the connection between them. that could very well be purposeful, but id suggest having a stronger foundation before rushing into that. clarity is one of the most important aspects of poetry since you have to rely on only a few words to set a scene & create a narrative. id consider reworking some lines perhaps, or removing redundancy.

i did enjoy this a lot though. your writing style is very captivating & its something i dont see as often as i would like. its like having a front-row seat to someones unfiltered thoughts. its organic, but also well-crafted.

envy





You'd better wise up, Pony... you get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothing can touch you, man.
— Dallas Winston, The Outsiders