Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
I'm almost certain that I can't leave a review on anything that hasn't already been said. Instead, this is just a supporting nudge. I enjoyed your poem, and wish you to keep writing.
I had a math teacher once who used the phrase 'Almost only counts in horseshoes or hand grenades'. It's a favorite of mine.
Thank you <3 I had an english teacher that used the phrase, I love it as well.
Good day, mate! Here for a very quick Kudos Revue for this endearing piece with a blockbuster title, Almost Only Counts With Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
Moving on!
Almost all of the verses, too, are coherent. Almost all provided an okay-level imagery and emotion, but I believe you can exhibit more. Use figurative language more and play with your choice of words. Practicing them can really help!
First of all, the piece really reminds of me of a few songs, one of which's title can be found on this poem's title. I'll leave that to your imagination
Okay, so first let's tackle the aesthetics. The content of the piece can easily be sliced up: mystery person A was deeply in love with mystery person B. but MPB just used and toyed with MPA, thus MPA exhibits this poem of regret and emotion over what had happened. Although it was like, easily found and all, I won't disapprove since giving out the thematics of a piece earlier can really take a lot of pressure from easily-bewildered readers. Kudos for being reader- friendly!
Next, on the style and flow. It's hard to give out a concrete idea for a temporal flow in dramatic/monologue pieces like this: anything can happen! But still, I can see the good progression of emotion, which can go as the flow. Kudos on that
Beautiful, vivid, gaudy. I like this stanza. But what I don't like is its incoherence with the others. See, this is an introductory stanza to the rest of the other stanzas, so it should be able to quickly capture the attention of the readers, word-first. It did caught my interest, but seeing that it didn't fit with the rest of the poem, I turned out to be kinda bothered. Try connecting it to the next stanzas. It's a bit out of place, ya hear? And if it somehow look fit for some, the transition between the rest of the piece is very strange. try playing with this one.
[quote]Why do you do this to me?
With you I can't smile,
Without you I can't breathe.
You use me like a puppet,
Pull my strings just for a thrill. [quote]
This can be a good line, it's all about throwing up all that emotion. Unfortunately, you didn't do that much. Try adding words or verses or rearrangements to express more feeling. Remember, you need your readers sympathize you, you need them to empathize with you!
THE VERDICT:
It's a very nice piece
Happy writing and a merry Christmas!
Your kudos Santa,
Alf
Sorry for the wrong code on the second quote! Peace out
Wonderful!
You put it down like it should be. No line feels like it doesn't belong. Powerful emotions and expressions.
Well done!
P.S : the title confuses me, can you please tell me what it means so I can check if I got it right.
Thank you so much!
And the title means that you can't get anywhere by "almost" getting there. You can only succeed with "almost" when playing the game horseshoes or throwing hand grenades xD