Unable to escape

Hi there, dewdrop.

I like your idea of being trapped inside your own head. I also like that you put imagery into your poem.

Your rhythm is going to need some doctoring.
Even when a poem doesn't have a rhyme scheme, it has a sense of rhythm and flow. What I do for my free verse poems is I read them out loud to myself. This doesn't get rid of all the awkwardness, but it does get rid of a lot of it.

Tired,
Yet my eyes they will not close

Thoughts whizzing around

Never do they stop

I wish for relief
But it is never granted

Trapped inside my own head

Hi, I'll be reviewing your poem today

Well done for writing a poem with no rhyme scheme, most poems work better that way in general. I also like that you've been descriptive in your poem. Howerever there are some things i'd like to adress which will hopefully help improve your poem. I like your idea of not being able to escape your mind.

I noticed that at some points the poem really tends to lack rhythm, when reading, because you're maybe used to writing with rhyme, when not using rhyme, every sentence needs to flow well together.

For example in this line;

"Tired,
Yet my eyes they will not close"

This line seems a bit awkward, I'd suggest to maybe say something like,
"Tired,
But my eyes resist to close or Yet my eyes won't close.. something along those lines.
Also add a comma for punctuation, the line is confusing without it.

For the last line i think you meant *unable, but i'm just being picky there.


Overall good poem, keep it up


- Infinity x

I enjoyed the outlook you gave in this piece.
However, I wish you'd go a little more in depth with this outlook.

I see you have done a experiment..now, you have a lot to learn an it's not always about rhyming though.
The second line
There should be a comma between eyes and they so it gives the reader time to get what you're saying.
The fourth line is problematic, it doesn't create the sense that you're trying to give in it.
Even simpler and clear line would be better
They never stop
The last two lines are okay as per your first poem.
Now, you can get much better than this which is obvious.
We all learn and become better..so good luck for next time.
Hope my review helped

Hey Dewdrop! Alf here for a short review on your work, Unable to Escape.

You've just stated that this is your first time writing a poem without any rhymes. Well don't worry, if you wouldn't say it at all, I would never notice it! In fact, I think this piece was told very confidently for the mood is unstopping and the voice produced by the words you've chosen was very strong.

Another good point here is the perspective of the speaker. He hadn't directly rendered the emotion rather he evoked the mind of a person who is tired, this became enough to show the drained-out mood of the piece, another thing I liked.

A note for blank verses like these if you would try it more: Since there are no rhymes in these poems, the fluidity of the piece lies on its form. So, alternating verses, providing them space and even indenting them can give out the sense of the piece.

One of the oddest things I've noticed, though, is the first two lines. I think yet is very loose here; it has a very weak reason for usage because the first line didn't explain that much. As the first line, that verse matter because it's the first thing on the readers mind and will be there until he finished reading the piece. This means that you should perfect coherence within the first few lines.

One more is this part:

Never do they stop
I wish for relief