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140,171 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Heya Dewdrop
I liked this poem. As already said, it was simple but it showed a lot of thought and meaning. I like your use of description in the second stanza, it sounds really pretty.
At some times the rhyme seems a little forced, but it usually okay. And sometimes the lines in a stanza are a little too long, which messes up the flow of the poem. For example: These and a radiant smile perfectly correspond,
If you could cut down the words in that line it would make the stanza flow better and seem more complete. I think my stanza was the first, and favourite line is the very first. "I was cautious yet curious" those two words match each other and are so easy to relate to it makes me smile. Nice use of alliteration too.
Keep writing!
Deanie x
thank you for the advise
Really nice poem. It's simple, yet emotional. I like that you still get your message across without becoming too wordy.
I love these lines:
"Distant sea blue eyes,
Look tremendous and wise,"
You're rhyme-scheme is simple, but elegant at the same time. It's not tacky, which I like. My only bit of constructive criticism would be to break up the pattern of the stanzas a bit. Maybe end with an odd line out or something. However, regardless, the poem is great! Keep it up!
thank you x