Published February 18, 2009
Right or Wrong
You tell me you need me.
You sak me for advice
and when i do just that,
you turn around and you reprimand me
For what?
I was doing what I believed to be right.
I was helping you.
I was looking out for you.
I cared about you.
You thought it was all about me'
but you were wrong.
And you knew that.
I received only hurt.
I was being myself.
Wasn't that who you wanted me to be?
Oh, I get it,
you want me to be docile.
So I should see you're hurting
and not say anything.
I should hear you're being dumped on
and congratulate you?
Yeah, right.
Aint gonna happen.
You know me better than that.
And because of this you should know
that i'm one stubborn girl.
So, go ahead and get hurt.
I'll be right here for you.
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140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey Desmerize!
i enjoyed reading you poem, it was so touching, this poem reached home and i liked.
by now you should know why i am being sarcastic about this.
Comments
there were an error in your subject.
there were a typing error line 2
You sak me for advice that suppose to be ask
your poen should have been in past tense cuz it's something that had happened.
"am i right?"
Questions.
I am a bit confused with this statment,
can you explain?
where does this statment ends? ( i didn't see no indication of an ending eg a full stop.)
overall this was an excllent poem it is full of emotions and its grasping to your readers attention.
Hey, thank you June. What's so crazy is that i saw the mistakes after they were posted. Once again thank you for your comments.
Hey Desmerize! I'm June, and I'm going to review this for you!
Such a bittersweet poem! Here we go:
• Third line! The pronoun I should always be capitalized, dear.
That apostrophe looks a bit stray there. Were you trying to put a part in quotation?
Proper spelling of Aint is Ain't; with an apostrophe.
i'm should be I'm. Keep those I's capitalized!
* *
Okay! I really liked the emotion in this, dear. It was well pronounced through your word choice and line length.
The only thing that could use some improvement is your punctuation. I noticed that you used it in some places, but in other places it seemed only half necessary, so it's fine if you don't add it.
Also! Quick note! "Right" in your title line is misspelled
Overall, I enjoyed it. Keep it up!
June