Published November 13, 2008
For the span of a lifetime things may last
or for this precious moment may life run its path
but even as dire and cold is this fair tale
you will still reap for what you did not care.
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Canary word: Present
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141,451 Literary Works • 674,462 Reviews
It's too short, but that would make a good beginning. It's really hard for the reader to grasp what you're talking about.
I love poems that rhyme, so I like this one. But, you should revise and make it clearer and perhaps longer? Readers will get more out of the poem that way. But, I do like it.. I just want there to be more of it? If that makes sense?
This was very short.
It really needs more. You explained those 4 lines, but it wasn't enough.
This will make a good beginning. I feel you can say a lot more. I see what you try to say, but the ending was too abrupt and that's not very nice. You have so much space to say more.
Please PM me when you have written an edited version. I really like where this might go. It is really good. Good work
Really short. Doesn't mean it's bad (it isn't) but you can add so much more.
This was a short poem, but then again there are a lot of those.
Look at the Red Wheelbarrow. Its really short. Some are even two lines.
But... I would like it more if it was added to. So, all it needs is some polishing up.
If you have any questions, or want another review, PM me.
this was good
but short
too short
i think it would be a lot better, i feel like you can add more
but i like it a lot