Unknown, Chapter 1

vGood Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm....well this was a rather mysterious opening right there. I think you've done a pretty good job of building up a lot of suspense around this particular scene here and the ending is certainly also a very effective cliffhanger I think which is great for a first chapter.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The wind blows gracefully, dancing around treetops and flowers like the bride and groom at a wedding. A half closed rose, spins and twirls, like a ballerina readying for a show. The gentle breeze is her helping hand. The hand that guides her steps, the hand that catches her when she falls or stumbles. The dance of the flower and wind goes on for hours, until the dance is broken. The wind leaves its partner, the rose, like a soldier leavings his dear family to save his country, his home. The rose was left alone, until a new partner comes by. But it was not the wind that guided her steps and catched her when she fell. It was a pale, elegant hand. A hand with slender, graceful, fingers. The fingers gently grasped her stem. A new hand identical to the other hand came into the rose’s world, carrying the clippers that would end her life. And that did. The clippers cut through her stem. The elegant, fingers carrying her away, was the last thing the rose saw. The wind, now able to come back to his partner, saw that she had died. She was gone. The winds now moaned and sadly moved through the trees, grass, and flowers. The heart breaking wind of the fall. The tear jerking ending of the rose. Until the bright spring came back once more to the dreadful place, would he ever be happy again. For in the old roses place would be a new one. Then the story repeats it’s self once more. Every year. The never ending story of the rose.

Well that is some start there. I've definitely seen roses used for comparisons before but this is quite another level here, we've got so much going on with these hands, and this wind and the sense of a history that continuously repeats itself. It makes for a wonderful start here and as a reader there are a million questions that have already made its way into your mind upon seeing that rose.

I woke, my silky black hair cascading around me like a waterfall. It’s a dream I always have. Every night, the dream occurs; I wake up feeling peaceful though at the end it is very heart breaking. Pushing aside my covers of warmth, I stand up walking away to my closet, where today’s clothes lie, folded neatly. The folded clothes, I can tell, came from my Mother, for she always folds clothes a certain way, no matter the situation. Tugging on my jeans and shirt, I finally was able to present myself to the table. Skipping down the stairs, my hair bouncing with every step I make, I make it to the kitchen.

Well that makes things slightly less mysterious to know that all of this was in the end just a dream but then of course you do wonder if this dream could have any sort of prophetic quality here. There's certainly enough hints in the air to suggest that some things are about
to go down here.

“Good morning, Shea.”

“Good morning, Mother.”

Walking to my normal spot at the table I sit down and wait for my Mother to make a simple order or offer. A couple of minutes afterward, she does ask me to do a favor.

“Shea, can you go get your Father?”

“Yes Mother.”

I walked away to where my Fathers study was. I walked in silently, looking at the chair at his desk; I realize he wasn’t in his study. My face wrinkled in puzzlement, for Father was always in his study before breakfast. I turned and walked towards the door, thinking he might be in his room, reading, not knowing the time.

Okay...this is taking just the slightest of turns towards being a bit more mysterious. For a half second it looked like it was going to settle for being a rather normal breakfast scene after all, but something about this visit to the father's study is making things feel a lot more curious here.

Before I was able to walk out the door though, a hand gripped my waist and another covered my mouth, dragging me back into the room. My kidnapper let me go suddenly, making me stumble around. I whipped around looking inside the room, looking for who it was that didn’t let me go back to my Mother. Finding a shadow I looked at it more closely. It was my Father.

“Father?”

“No time to talk, Shea. You must get out of this house.” He looked around, his face scared , as though we were talking about something bad and he didn’t want anyone else to hear.” They have come for you, Shea.”

For a second I was worried the father was dead or he'd turned mad or something, but it appears instead he has simply realized something potentially horrible is going to happen to this girl here, which considering that dream isn't exactly surprising, but this certainly is a rather sudden order to make with no warning whatsoever.

My mind whirled in confusion.

“Father, what are you talking about?”

His head shook frustrated of my lack of knowledge. His head whipped around, caution covering his face like a blanket. He muttered the same thing, over and over again.

“They want you. Need you. You need to leave this place. And never come back, Shea. You must not let them catch you. Go before it’s too late.”

“Father, I don’t unders-“

“Leave! Go now!” He shoved her towards the door, ushering her towards the journey that would change her life forever.

Well..that was rather quick. I was honestly expecting at least the mother to be informed somewhat but now it appears she is simply going to be ordered to flee for her safety with no explanation of how or why or where. Well, it certainly makes for a pretty exciting ending here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think we've got a pretty solid first chapter here. The opening paragraph really does its job well in pulling in readers there even if perhaps it could do with being chopped in half considering its length and then the ending here really escalates things quite nicely working well with that opening paragraph to make you want to read on and find out more.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry