So this is most definitely unfinished but let me know if its good or not! Thank you!
She fell in love with the ocean,
The second the burning sand accepted her bare feet,
And when the oceans crashed upon the sand,
She was once again honored,
To be touched by such a beauty as the ocean.
But despite its vain trying,
The ocean is not the only alluring place in her eye,
For there is the deep, luscious forest,
Where her busy mind will rest,
And she can stand in peace.
In peace and freedom
Is where the eagle soars,
In the bright blue sky,
Is a place she adores.
She envies the sky
Who can change her colors in a blink of an eye,
From blue to black,
Black to orange and deep twilight purple.
But there are colors she likes,
That the birthplace of Heaven does not show,
From green of the forest,
To the golden brown of a proud lion,
From the bright teal blue you hardly ever see,
To the dark red, the color of spilled blood.
This poem is being created about a girl on what she likes, dislikes, and what her personality is like.
Its also part of a series called "The Truth About Her".
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,376 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I like what this is about, it sounds lovely. I'm a sucker for poems like this, honestly. It doesn't flow well though, the words just don't really click. It's also one big long stanza, which can work, but it doesn't work here. I think the where the periods are placed should be the ends of stanzas, that would work.
Try to make it flow together better, and I think it would be perfect!
Keep up the good work!
- Phoenix
Hello!
The prose in this poem is a bit choppy. The transitions between the lines do not flow well in some parts of the poem.
However, I was able to understand what you are writing about in this poem.
I really enjoyed reading it over all.
Great stuff!
I don't know what it is but there is something choppy about this poem. not trying to be rude but maybe read through it and see if you can find it. I think you're transitioning to to many ideas too quickly i this work.
The ocean is not the only alluring place in her eye,
For there is the deep, luscious forest,
Where her busy mind will rest,
And she can stand in peace.
In peace and freedom
Is where the eagle soars,
In the bright blue sky,
Is a place she adores.
She envies the sky
I like that sections there tho it seems to flow well and the words you used fits nicely. Over all well done.