Published April 29, 2009
Sorry, this chapter is is parts because it's a loooooonnng chapter! Bear with me! 
I'm still looking for reviews, so all you reviewers can be as hard as you like.
Jackson strolled down one of the streets, looking at every detail. Tyson was walking beside him, scowling.
“What’s up with you Tyson?”
“Well, you’ve been runnin around all day, and you don’t even know where you’re goin. Me on the other hand, knows where I’m goin, so how ‘bout you let me lead. I can show ya some good hidin places,” Tyson growled. “Besides, you’re just runnin ‘round in circles. We’ve past that shop five times for crying out loud.”
“Jeez Tyson, all you had to do is speak up. I’m all ears.”
Tyson grunted. “That’s more like it. I’ve got a great hidin place for you and your buddies.”
Jackson was ecstatic. “Where? How far is it? Will it be big enough?”
“Cool your jets kid. All of your questions will be answered. Just follow me.”
Tyson stepped in front of Jackson and started to walk. He took a series of twists and turns. He constantly talked to Jackson, telling him to memorize the directions.
“Ya see Jack, if ya take all the kids down here, no one will be able to find ya. They’ll all get lost.
He stopped in front of a door in an alley way.
“Before I show ya this place, you need to promise not to tell anyone about it, okay?”
“Tyson, why would I tell anyone about it when I’m trying to hide from them? It’s just common sense.”
Tyson laughed. “Ya never know when someone might turn one ya. I’m quite surprised to see you trust me.”
“Hold it Tyson. I never said I trusted you. I’m just lettin ya tag along.”
Tyson smiled. He pulled a key from a necklace around his neck and unlocked the door. They walked into a dark room.
“It’s great Tyson but where are the lights?”
Jackson heard a slam as the door shut. “What did you do that for Tyson?”
Jackson felt around for a light switch. He felt a lever and pulled down. Lights flickered on and filled the room with light. Jackson looked around for Tyson but he was nowhere in sight. Jackson swore at his stupidity. Tyson had led him into this and Jackson let him. He went back to the door, but the handle was jammed. He kicked the door and walked off. This would do perfectly. There was plenty of space to move around and set up something for beds. He kept wandering and thinking. He started to look for a way out when he felt something sharp against his back.
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141,463 Literary Works • 674,482 Reviews
Thanks June dear! I'm going to redit this right away!
Thanks for the review!! 
Lucy! Lucy! June here!
)
Have I ever reviewed you before? It feels like I haven't, but I'm not sure. Either way, here we go.
(And yes, I hate to start reviewing in the middle of a random chapter
This sentence seems as if it could use rewording, dear.
• First sentence can easy become: "Jackson strolled down the street, looking at every detail."
I say this because "one of the" suggests that there was more than one street to choose to stroll down. We (coming in at a random chapter) do not know this! So, just keep it simple, dear, and make the street rather generalistic.
• Second sentence can easily become "Tyson walked besides him, scowling."
I say this because "Tyson was walking" is actually grammatically improper dearie.
Stick a comma before Tyson, dear!
When words ending in ing are spelled without the final g, replace the g with an apostrophe, dear.
EX: Running = runnin'. Goin = goin'.
Thus, we can see that you are not introducing some new, foreign word to us, only eliminating a letter.
Eep! Close that sentence with a quotation mark, dear!
One, in that first quoted sentence should be "on"; not one.
Woah! This is one uber large info dump, dear! This is just a rush of good information coming at us too fast for us to get a grip on what's going on.
Break this paragraph up! Break it into smaller bit -- varying the length of your sentences; some short, some long-- and throw some filler sentences in there. For now it seems like they went in the building and whoosh! Someone gets stabbed in the back.
But!
I love how you're building to a point of interest, Pennykettle. I don't quite like that you tossed us a cliffhanger, haha. I would have really loved to read on here.
However, you're headed in a fantasticabulous direction.
Hope that helped! PM me if you need help or if I were unclear.
Juniper