Published June 19, 2011
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141,408 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
wow, a very powerful and insightful piece. great poem
Refreshing, clear imagery and nice intertextuality. All in all, quite a decent poem, if lacking a little in a good finish - your last line was good, and powerful, but it just didn't feel right to me. Apart from that, I liked it, well done.
This is beautiful! I love it! Very clever, and not something that I've read before. Kudos! I especially like the second stanza. The whole thing is very beautiful. I love the way you begin the second stanza and the way you end it. Actually, I think that the second stanza could stand alone as its own poem, although there is nothing wrong with having the first one there. I'm sorry if this isn't terribly helpful, but I really don't have anything negative to say about it! Great job!
Sare
Very nice. You set up the scene in the first stanza well then give us so much to think about in the last. It was a might bit overwhelming but in a good way. The first line of that last stanza gripped me with its truth and is such a reflection on my life that I was breathless for a moment. Beautiful.